When is enough really enough?

Question

My dh and I have been together for almost 5 yrs. Two weeks before we got married, he started looking at p**n. I have tried to watch it with him and explore new things but he started hiding it and lying to me about it. This has been going on, on and off for about 4 yrs now. About 3 weeks ago, I was deleting the history on the computer and found out that he had done a search for women within a 5 mile radius. He didn't deny it but he said he was just bored. I found it to be a little weird and unusual. I feel like he has already cheated or is thinking about it. He doesn't help me with the kids or anything else. We both work and I know I could do it on my own with the kids. What do you think I should do? I don't feel any passion, love or anything anymore. Our marriage has become so dull and "just there" that I can't stand it anymore.

Answer 1

maybe he has a problem with s*x maybe you 2 should go to a s*x therapist because communication is the most important thing in a relationship and if he cant talk to you about it then you guys wont get much further but you guys should try to work it out before just giving up

Answer 2

Could it be possible that he was already looking at p**n before you two got married? I think maybe he might be addicted to that dirty c**p and he doesn't know how to control it. He might need some counseling and so do you. When it becomes out of control and he gets his satisfaction from p**n then with you, yes, he has a problem. You need to tell him to either quit his p**n, go seek counseling, or you will leave until he gets help. Your marriage is already on the rocks.

The question is, how much are you both willing to do to save your marriage???

Answer 3

if a spouse has to hid something from you...something is definitely wrong.  You need to tell him how you feel and give him a chance to change.  If given the chance and he doesn't change, then you know your answer.  You always got to give your husband a chance to change his behavior and not just leave without letting him try.

Your edit changes things.  I would start with a separation and see if he has to see, rather than here what I am saying.  If he remained the same, I would terminate the marriage.

Answer 4

you are right get a good lawyer and move on and get him to pay support to help with the kids he has to  

Answer 5

Well, you are right to feel the way that you do.

p**n is just a gateway to adultery.

The Bible tells you that p**n=Lust=Adultery=Sin=Slave to sin=Death.

-Proverbs 6:25

Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes,

-Matthew 5:28

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

-Romans 6:16

Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?

-John 8:34

Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin.

-Romans 1:26

Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.

-Romans 1:27

In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

-Ephesians 4:19

Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

-Colossians 3:5

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

-1 Peter 4:3

For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry.

I believe that you should talk to your husband about this and let him know how it is affecting your marriage. Let him know that it needs to stop. It isn't healthy nor is is it normal; no matter what anyone (who do not believe in God) say.

If he loves you and his family, he will give up that sinful desire to lead a righteous life. Get yourself and your family into a Bible based Church. Talking with a Christian Marriage counselor can help you both establish a strong foundation but most of all, it will reestablish your faith in God. Hearing the Word of God is like food for the soul.

May God lead you to making the right decision.

-God Bless.

Answer 6

if he is not cheating now he soon will be.

Answer 7

You two should sit down and have an open honest talk with one another. If you don't love him anymore and you're sure of that you should explore your optioins. I really hate it, though. I love my husband to death but feel it's all on me as well. He also hides his p**n. I can tell if he's been playing online when everything is wiped clean. I just accept it. I don't like it, but accept it. I found my hubby looking at "casual encounters" on craigslist twice and got really upset about it b/c it's real people looking for hookups who live nearby. It does scare me a little.

I wish you the best. It sounds like you're ready to move on. Best wishes and remember if you and your hubby aren't happy it's not a happy place for the kiddies either. I hope it works out for you.

Answer 8

He is looking.  I can assure you of that.  I did that when I was married to my ex.  I was extremely unhappy and was looking for a friend.  I found one and he and I did not start seeing each other until I was separated.  We are very happily married now.  

Answer 9

OMG :) this is like my story...

Get to counseling for both of you, and get him to go to p**n addict groups for him.

Answer 10

Quit your job,stay at home and start being his g/f.

Get rid of the internet.If that doesn't work then file for divorce if his behavior continues.