Where's the point again?

Question

Okay, so I've been pretty effed up lately, and a bunch of people are telling me to calm down and that things will be okay. But what is truly okay? Honestly. Pullthetrigger, being one of those people, I do actually consider a friend even though I only know her from here because h**l, it seems more sincere when someone you've never met before cares enough to reply to all your questions because they have no reason to lie or put on an act (so this post isn't intended towards her). Then there's my boyfriend...who sort of cares, but doesn't really count. He only "cares" because I just happened to be the first female he met who didn't cheat on him...Or so he thinks, anyway. It's not me he's in love with, it's not who I am, it's not because he thinks I'm special or unique. He's just one of those people who doesn't give a d**n who he's with, as long as the person isn't a total a*****e (Which I am. He just doesn't know this. But I figure, hey, he's using me too. Just to have a girlfriend). And there's my ex, who I'm completely and utterly still in love with and would do anything for, and he claims the same but yet doesn't want to be "confined" in a relationship. And, of course, I have a few friends here and there, who talk to me when I'm content, but never when I feel like s*** because they don't want to deal with it. Oh, and I'd also like to add the fact that my family watches my every f***ing move. They're like spies. I'm 19 years old -- I know I'm still a f***ing teenager, but that's no reason to suffocate me until I become so depressed that I cut (h**l, I'm running out of f***ing room for that, even. I can't do it anywhere but my legs because being a pharmacy tech, we don't want people seeing and thinking I'm insane, now do we?), attempt suicide, and f***ing isolate myself from the world just to grasp a little bit of oxygen. I can't even step foot outside of the house without getting 10 missed calls and 5 voicemails. I'd just up and leave if it wasn't for the fact that I go to school here until Feb. So, I'm basically stuck, and I have a feeling I'm going to get to my breaking point soon. Either leave here and stay at a motel, my boyfriend's house, or just finally kill myself. I can't take this s***. I can't take living here. I can't take people. \\Anyway, I'm about to go to school now right before i once again intoxicate myself on alcohol (and no I won't be driving). Was going to be absent today because I felt like s*** and most likely couldn't concentrate on anything for the life of me, but if I stay home, I start thinking too much and might rid the entire household of all the Tylenol. So, off I go. And yes, I do curse a lot, probably belong in a mental facility, and no I don't care if you haven't read all of this. No need to tell me what I already know.

Answer 1

hey hey. cant say i know how you feel, but i feel pretty ****.

and people saying aww itl be fine.. no nothing. there ******* jokes.

atm im listening to my "best friend" (i dont quite feel the same way about that) talking to her boyfriend on the phone while shes here visiting me (she lives in another city with him btw. also i just found out that my other mate (whos been away for a year) is know calling himself bi, and has a huge crush on my older brother. yay fucken me.

lets go somewhere and beat a few random people up together.

then we can focus on the fuckwits in out lives... or just jump off a cliff. whatever comes first.

hmm lets meet half way, whichll probably put us in the middle of the d**n ocean...

actually that dont sound too bad.

meh i can swim for the both of us =P umm i dont have aim, i use msn. god life is just so d**n tricky.

turns out i do have aim hmm. toemos5 is me username :) add me!

hey, sorry i missed ya, was asleep :P should be on later if ya wanna chat

Answer 2

wow.

first of all i want to say thank you for considering me a friend.  :)

next, that is one h**l of an impressively long rant! (yep i read it all) and you know, it probably does you good, as you're getting to offload everything.

to answer your question, the point is, no matter how bad things are now, you still have a future. yeah you drink, yeah you self harm, and yeah it would be really good to stop those, BUT at the moment they are your 'lifelines', they are your ways of coping, and they are keeping you alive. nothing is more important than that.

as annoying as it is the way your family acts around you, you have to remember that you won't be with them much longer - you will soon have a life of your own, free to do what you want. therefore they are not worth killing yourself over. if needs be, you could take a break from them and stay with someone (your boyfriend for example), for a couple of days, or a week, then go back home. that way, you are not having the problem of leaving totally, and all the hassle that goes with it, but you are getting that time of freedom, and therefore you are hopefully preventing your own suicide.

if your family don't know that you are having so many problems, then i think it would be good for you to tell them. i know it's scary (sh*t, i was terrified when my parents found out i had been researching suicide methods), but it will help you in the end. i'm so grateful that my parents took me to get help. you need help and support from your family, but you need to tell them before that'll happen. you never know, if you tell them how depressed they are making you by being so over-protective, they may ease up on you.

just keep hanging on in there, and don't kill yourself.

there is a point to everything. it's bloody hard to find it, but we just have to keep on searching.

here to talk if you need to.

Answer 3

Honestly

well I read enough to know what your problem is

and I can tell you this

your parents are right to be worried about you

you cut yourself, and you attempted suicide

you should be happy your parents care for you and are worried

they love you, and want the best for you,

and if your ex doesn't want a relationship its because

he just wants s*x and not really be with you or have something serious

so forget your inconsiderate ex

and your boyfriend, if you don't love him

leave him! its' no use being with someone just because your available

love should be the only reason why you're with someone

and that way you'll have a long term boyfriend and a healthy relationship

WRAP UP:

-1st: Stop cutting and getting pissed off easily

-2nd: start thinking about things, before reacting

-3rd: value yourself and preserve your body and mind

-4th:don't drink alcohol or do drugs(I'm not saying you already do I'm just saying don't do it in the future)

-5th: study and get good grades, value your parents and trust them

they are the only people you can actually trust. and you seem to be lucky to have great parents

listen to their advices

AND GOOD LUCK

I HOPE YOU GET BETTER, God Bless you

sincerely