Who should make the first move?

Question

I put my father out of my house this morning for being very rude, very loud, very aggressive and having no respect for my house, myself or my wife. He woke me out of bed and I went downstairs to find him screaming at my wife and I could barely make out what he was saying he was that angry and I've never seen him like that, I asked him to calm down and he refused, so I put him out and he said he won't be coming back to which I replied "that's your decision" and then he called me all the names under the sun. My wife has been very upset about it and I can't quite understand why someone would disrespect my house in that way, I feel guilty about putting him out even though I know I've done nothing wrong!

Should I apologise or just forget about it all?

I live a quiet life and can do without this sort of thing.

Thanks for your help.

Answer 1

Hi

You have to ask yourself these questions

Is this the first occasion that your dad has lost his temper or has he always been like this? You said that you live a quiet life - how often has your dad been loud, aggressive, you mentioned to your dad that it is your house - it could have left him feeling very unwanted and a feeling of imposing on you, his son. The elderly dont want to be made to feel this way. You mentioned that you put him out, he's not a dog you know, to put out when it is naughty. He has feelings too. It must have been very hurtful to him.

Could he be upset by something your wife has said to him. Were you a witness to what transpired between your father and your wife as you only came down on hearing the commotion?

You said your wife was very upset - did something she said to your dad that you were not aware of and that triggered the whole incident. If your dad is not prone to losing his temper, it must be something that blew him off.

When everything has calmed down, try to ask him why he was so angry.

The elderly are very sensitive people and they feel that they are a nuisance or a burden if they are staying with married children and their spouses.

It will never harm you if you apologise as he is your father. Dont let pride get the upper hand in any relationship.

If he refuses to accept your apology., you have done your best but always leave the door open to him when he has a change of heart and needs you. Try to think of all his positive points and do not let one incident break the relationship. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Meet him on neutral territory and ask him to explain his behaviour. Tell him how you feel about what happened and the effect it had on your wife. Tell him you are sorry that it came to a point where you had to take drastic action but he should be the one to apologise. If this was a one off and out of character then maybe you should consider giving him the opportunity to apologise to your wife and another chance - with your wife's approval.  If he has behaved like this before then I think he should be told to stand on his own two feet and find somewhere else to live.

Answer 3

Let him make the first move he's the one who's at fault.

Answer 4

For your father, is this normal for him? when you were growing up did he do this to your mother?

he was abusive and not respectful, this is your home and your wife and family . there was no respect what so ever for anyone least you.

Keep him out if you want peace and quiet.

Answer 5

Sounds like your dad needs help. But you might not be the one to help. Now if you think you should say anything to him, say this:

Dad, I love you but the way you treated my wife was not appropriate. You will not be welcome in my house if you ever treat my wife that way again. My wife is part of me and when you treat her like you did, you are treating me the same.

If he does not offer an apology than that is his weakness. Forgive him, but don't let him do that to you again.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for your family.  

Answer 6

you should

Answer 7

Let him apologies to both of you. You shouldn't have to put up with that in your home. But you should find out the hole story from both sides before anything else is said.  

Answer 8

you did the right thing, dont reward his childish behavior

forget about it, be dominant. If he needs you, let him come to you, but DONT come to him like you NEED him

Answer 9

WELL... i dont know whats all this problem about!

but you only have one dad,ONCE in the life

so you'd better go and apologize to him,if he was yelling at your wife

you didnt solve it by kicking him out!

you should have figured a better way!

trust me life is too short to be mad from the people you love and the people how gave you a good memory to keep!

he's an old man,u have to respect him with anything he does! even if he's mistaken!

this might sound weird to you

but trust me you dont want to regret that someday for all your life

you would feel guilty!

go apologize and kiss his head! he has been a good dadi all his life for you

its time for you to pay him  back!

not with money!

but with love!

LIFE IS TOO SHORT!

trust me!

just go for him!

good luck for you and your family!

but dont forget your dad was your 1st home and you 1st family!