Why are my parents insane...

Question

im 30 i have 3 sisters 29, 27, 18 and 1 brother 20. my parents wont speak to me. they only have a relationship with whatever kid is doing what they say, my 18 year old sister got thrown out of their house, my mom signed her out of scool and they were making her pay rent. my brother lives in an apartment at my parents rent free. now my mom and dad wont talk to 18 because i am helping her. she was living in a motel with no money for food. what do they expect?

Answer 1

Your parents are toxic control freaks... with a major disconnect in logic. Even Dear Abby would tell you to walk away from them.  Even your brother will eventually tire of not having a life... unless he is one of video game addicts that never leaves the house.

Do what you can to help your sister... either get her back in school to graduate, or get her into the GED course so she can get a diploma. Let her live with you while she pulls herself together to "launch"... she needs the diploma, and needs a job, needs to save some money, and either help you out on rent or find a room-mate situation she can afford. If she can't find a job that will pay her enough, then she needs to take a part-time job while attending a 2-year vocational course at the local community college.

As the oldest, you will probably be called upon to do the dirty work as your parents grow older and infirm... isn't it empowering to know that you will be picking out their nursing home?

Answer 2

why R they insane? i don't know...

i suppose there were some issues with your 18 if they acted so drastically.

but there is no excuse for any parent to sign out from school, or make kids to pay rent!

fortunately it seems to me that your relationship with your sisters is ok, at least there is something your parents did well...

it's nice if you help her, if they 're not speaking to you or her...well who wants and other argue or disappointment?

you can try to meet all together (not at home, go out for dinner) and each pour out their feelings. if u listen to all the sides somewhere in the middle U can find the true, and a chance to make up things!

if any of the members refuse to show up for confrontation, might be the weak link (write a letter sign by all the others with the ideas which U find how to start on "happy family " path.)

Answer 3

A lot of parents have issues...your's included.

They seem to show authority by depriving love and contact when a child does not adhere to whatever they deem appropriate.

The only way they will ever stop is when all of you stand up.

Stop contacting them for awhile. Tell the others to do the same.

Maybe they will get the hint that you are all adults and need to be treated as such.

The 18 year old needs to get back into school.

I would tell her that she will be cut off if she does not reenroll.

They were right to throw her out, She is wasting her life away by dropping out. They probably signed her out so they would not be legally responsible for her truancy, etc...

Even parents must learn...kids do not come with instructions.

Best wishes

Answer 4

Because they are parents. That's what they do, ruin our lives.

Answer 5

i hear you there.

Answer 6

Hey, most parents want you to do what they say as long as you're in their house... Their house.  They also want their kiddo's to move out at 18 and be self supportive. We all moved out and far away (4 of us). They came around when we got married, and when we had kids. They just needed their space, and weren't prepared for raising kids... so many so fast, and it ruined the "life" they were expecting. Kiddo's don't usually come with an instruction manual, and some don't have any idea.. it flips them out! My advise: stay as far away as long as you can.... then it's up to them to come around or make ammends.. Like they're doing, "take care of #1"..

Answer 7

It doesn't sound like they are Insane as much as they are CONTROL FREAKS!!!

Answer 8

i think they were trying to teach her a lesson and you interfered!!!

Answer 9

Your parents' have issues. You should always love and support your children. I guess they're just control freaks. But don't give your control to them. Make sure you stand up for yourself.

Answer 10

1960's.

Maybe even earlier.

But people were responsible back then, and that's what they expect.

Extreme, though, sounds very extreme.

Answer 11

i do believe there are some parents that dont' care once you dont' want to do what they want they turn you out and they have the mind to do this its not crazy but they are doing their things and frankly don't care about you all and i guess that is it i would just move on and leave them alone they sure aren't missing you all take care and move on and find your own familes.

Answer 12

I think you should help your sister and it is very sad that your parents want to sever ties with their kids. Stay tough and good luck. I know that being the oldest is tough as it is but that must make it harder.

Answer 13

ur doing the right thing. =] talk to them about it! ur really helpful! i'm sure ur sister is appreciating what ur doing a lot. God bless you!! =]

Answer 14

i feel for you

Answer 15

I would suggest going along with them, they sound crazy. If you can't beat 'em, join em. You can't beat crazy people because they make up their own rules. I wouldn't say to abandon your siblings, but maybe keep your help on the down-low.

Heck, if you become a "favorite", maybe you can slowly talk little bits of sense into them. Only little bits at a time, though.

It's probably a lot more complicated than what my answer could fix, but good luck!

Answer 16

Have you thought about talking to aunts, uncles, grandparents about this? Maybe they could talk to them since they aren't talking to you and find some middle ground for communication. Is your brother complying with their rules and is able to live rent free because of it?