Why are some people so controlling?

Question

im hardly allowed to do anything other kids my age are allowed to do, (i dont mean just hanging out i mean EVERYTHING....like even traveling alone and a lot of teenagers have done that...or even taking a walk alone in the daytime in my SAFE neighborhood, my dad will even freak out if i step out of the house for 2 seconds)

if i am allowed to hang out w/o there being a big deal i can only hang out w/ the other indian kids in the community & we're not even that good friends!......my family doesnt understand the concept of an american social life

the onle thing i am allowed and HAVE to do is go to my grandma's house everyday for dinner....u know the whole joint family thing where you have to hang out w/ family, family and only family!

i hate arranged marriages and ill regret it if i never get to be independent in my life BUT im seriously considering it now...and asap like @ 20 (cant go to a university not doing good enough...tried tho so dont say tht)

but still im ****** depspe

40 minutes ago - 1 week left to answer.

Additional Details

38 minutes ago

rate? i know i cant ever move out on my own not only am i not allowed to but my bastarddad is a psyco! he controlled my mom even after they serpearetd (shes bak) and when he cant control some1 he gets mad!.......and i mean scary as **** mad (bad childhood 4 me)

so yea shud i just get an arranged marriage & live w/ it? thnx 4 every1 who listened

16 hours ago - 1 week left to answer.

Additional Details

16 hours ago

wth do i do?? i relly want to b 'free' but not married??

1 day ago - 2 days left to answer.

Additional Details

1 day ago

& it was worse 2day cuz im visitin d.c. and i went to george town and saw a bunch of college students dressed like they were goin to a club and screaming out a limo and partying on boats.....& i thot tht is NEVER going to b me...& 4get college i screwed myself over in hs & now im gonna hav to go to comm college

& the sad thing is if i do get an arranged marriage my condition is no kids...i dont wanna have kids or s*x w/ sum1 who im not comfortable w/ so tht mite make an arranged marriage impossible to an indian muslim man.....wut do i do?

Answer 1

I know you're below college age, but not sure exactly how old.  This matters for the best answer.  I have several families of Indians in my neighborhood, so I'm somewhat familiar with what you're saying.

Let's start small:  You have problems academically and your parents have not gotten you a tutor.  You want more exposure to friends outside of school who are not Indian.

Would your father allow your non-Indian friends into your house to "help you with your homework"?  Most Indians are over-achievers.  He might allow this IF he felt it would help you academically.  Get a friend to actually do this for you.  Do it in the kitchen where your father can meet your friend and talk to him/her.  Pick someone your father would like and then ease out of just doing homework and having some fun WITH your father and family at your house.  Then try different friends and then groups of friends.  Then try asking him if you can study with a 'study buddy' at their house.  Go slooooooowly.

If your father will not allow a non-Indian into his US home, you will have to come up with a more dramatic solution.  Also, it is no life for you to never be independent and just go from your father's house to your husband's house.  That is more like slavery.  There are plenty of millionares in this country that never went to college and just didn't have the mindset or patience for it.  Remember, even Bill Gates dropped out his freshman year.  

Talk to your school counselors about an aptitude test for you and, if your father will not allow non-Indians anywhere around you except in school, ask the counselor for help with that, too.  If the counselor is useless, ask a teacher you like or another adult that you trust and respect for help.  

No matter what happens, you must get over this negative, self-prophicized way of thinking that you are too dumb to ever be independent and on your own.  That is even worse than anything your father could ever do to you.

Answer 2

well it seems as if it is based on your religion but i don't understand y ur parents don't allow u to do those things. there is gonna b a day where u have to make a decision of your own and they cant be there so they need to realize that they cant hold on to u for ever. so i think that u should talk to some one u know will understand and then have them and u talkk to yur parents about the way u feel abput this problem.