Why did they change?

Question

when I met the couple who was adopting my little girl, they were so nice. I asked 1 day later if I could have her back and they said no and now they wont answer me at all. they seemed so nice and said i was their family. what happened?

Answer 1

They were nice to you when you had something they wanted.  Now they have what they wanted.  Some people are jerks that way.  

Is the adoption legally complete?  If not, you may well be able to get your child back.

Answer 2

Maybe they've fallen in love with your little girl and they're afraid you'll try to take her back!

My mom was horrified of that happening when she adopted me.

You're putting her up for adoption, you can't have it both ways.

Answer 3

Oh honey, is this happening right now? Did you just sign the papers within a few days? Because at least in some states there is a period in which you can reverse your relinquishment papers, but in many cases only a very few days.

I think you need a lawyer -- right away!

What state are you in?

The answer to your question, I'm afraid, is that they told you what they had to to get your little girl. It may be that they believed they meant what they told you, or maybe they never meant it and were lying all along. But when it came down to it they wanted your baby and when you changed your mind they just decided to cut you off. I'm so sorry, honey. You trusted them with your precious girl and it sounds like they have betrayed you.

If you want her back you should fight it. It will not be easy though, and you will need a lawyer.

And just a caution, I would be very careful about anything the adoption agency tells you. They may be very ethical, but some agencies are not. I would not necessarily trust them if they say there is nothing you can do.

I wish you the very best of luck. I wish there were more I could do. Add more details and perhaps in the morning someone who knows more than I do can give you more help.

Answer 4

OMG.

This is happening all too often.

Get yourself a lawyer sweetie - now.

You haven't mentioned how long ago this happened - you may still have time.

Do NOT trust these people.

They want your baby - and they'll do ANYTHING to keep your baby.

Get in touch with Origins USA - and they may be able to give you some advice -

http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?page...

Do not trust the adoption agency either.

(they make money from getting babies - they are not looking after the mother's best interests)

I'm so so sorry that they have lied to you.

This is why NO mother should sign over their children until well after they have given birth - and have had time to really think about things.

I'm praying for you and your baby tonight.

Answer 5

Yeah Tish!!!!!!

Get a lawyer now. Shout it from the roof tops, I WANT MY BABY BACK, has anyone ever gone to the press about these people who lie?

Answer 6

I am just going to say that if you weren't sure if you wanted your own child and you know they can properly take care of her, then let them.  I mean if you changed your mind in one day that you wanted her back, how do you know that in a week you won't change your mind again.  Babies are not toys you can return to the store whenever you want. You should think about how the adoptive parents feel as well and how hard and heartbreaking it would be if they had to give back a child who they thought they were going to be able to love and raise as their own.

Answer 7

Read the papers that you signed.  There should be a line in it that says, "In the event that the birth mother shall change her mind, she must, in writing, notify the court clerk." or something like this.  In our state, Arkansas, and many more, the waiting period is 10 days.  Whoever you signed the consent to adopt forms should be able to help you, although agencies will be VERY reluctant, and might try to sue you, which they can't.  Because the adoptive parents have custody, they legally can't turn her over to anyone except child protective services.  Also, call legal aid in your area, and they might be able to help you.  If you have waited past the 10 day or whatever waiting period, you have surrendered rights, and have none anymore.  In some states, it is less than 10 days!

Also, question yourself:  How will I raise this child?  How will I support this child?  How will I get my education?  Giving birth has your hormones in such an emotional state.  And remember, babies grow up quickly, and become toddles and teens, not just cute babies.  Good luck.

Answer 8

My wife Fran got sucker punched like that,only she thought it was medical papers.....they have the child now 17 years. They have money and she had nothing. What little she had left they stole. The child was born a Devon but now is called George. It mentally disabled her. I truely hope your stronger then she. That is my answer and yes I'm still pissed 17+ years later.

Answer 9

"why did they change?"  

they didn't.  

this is who they really were. they were not being honest with you, most likely. their "niceness" was simply to get you to relinquish your child. ever hear about the "wolf in sheep's clothing?"  consider these people wolves.

if your relinquishment period has not elasped, please contact an attorney and get your baby back.  they are actually telling you (without telling you) that they will most likely close your adoption once the relinquishment period ends.

ETA: regarding some comments:

-please do NOT contact the adoption agency.  they are not interested in you parenting and will make up a bunch of reasons why you can't have your baby back.

-hormones are SUPPOSED to make you love your baby! and should never be used as an excuse to make you seem irrational. i absolutely HATE when people (especially people who've never delivered a baby) make this claim!

-you are not required to pay back a darn thing.  it is your kid. and until final relinquishment, i don't care who has her, she is STILL YOURS.

-don't fall for the "the aparents have bonded" bullcrap!  you were with this baby for 9 months, your bond is a gazillion times more than a couple of strangers who wrote a check. besides, they will "bond" just as well with another baby.  they simply want a baby...any baby.  you want YOUR BABY!  big difference.

ETA2

-most states have a 90+ day relinquishment period. i don't give a rats' as$ if you received counseling or not during your pregnancy.  no amount of counseling can prepare you for the emotions of losing your kid. if you want your baby back, then go get her!  h**l, they knew the risk.  somehow, they have no problem flipping out on you, but want you to play by the rules?  as if.

also, just because you changed your mind doesn't mean you'll change it again.  hey, i only changed my mind ONCE! it's been 16 years, and i don't plan to flip-flop and place him for adoption again.  that's bullcrap from people who don't know what they're talking about.

i will be praying for you and your baby.

Answer 10

It makes me sick to my stomach everything I read something like this. I'm so sorry for you.

I can't stand that there is almost nothing one can do in this situation. Do you know thier names? Have you tried call the news? Put some heat on them. What they are going to do is stall so they can claim that they have bonded and it would hurt her to separate the. The sooner you move the better.

Do you have an open adoption? What state are you in? What about the father? did he sign? If not he may be the key to get your childback. Give the PAPs a head up that you are going to fight so they might want to put their house up for sale. Keep a log of all of your contact and copies of any letters to and from them.

Maybe just a little bit on inspiration. A woman I work with found that her grandchild was placed for adoption and the father didn't even know about her. It took 6 months but she did gat the baby back and he is raisng the him/her (don't remember if it was a boy or girl.)

Answer 11

Why did they change?

Because they were using you to get a baby, pure and simple.  Sorry to be so blunt, but this is what is so WRONG with adoption...and what needs to be changed.

ETHICS, people.  Ever hear of it?  Those of you who are about to hit the thumbs down probably haven't.

Girl, you are this child's MOTHER.  I don't care if these two con artists "fell in love" with your baby or not...the plain and simple fact that you grew this baby in your uterus, you gave birth to this child, she shares half your DNA, YOU are her MOTHER.  You have every right, even MORE of a right, to be her parent than these two pieces of trash.  

Awwwww, but they wuv her....tough titty.  They don't care whose baby they steal.  If it wasn't your baby they wuvved, they'd be in wuv with someone else's kid right now.  They can go out and con another confused woman, and they probably will.  People like this don't care who they swindle, to them it's about winning and getting what they want.

(It's called E-N-T-I-T-L-E-M-E-N-T...some people here might want to look that up)

FIGHT THIS.  GET YOUR BABY BACK.

Answer 12

They used you and made false promises to get your baby off you.

I'm so sorry.  Fight them.  I'm so, so sorry they pretended to befriend you and then took your baby and dumped you.  

This story is so common

Answer 13

Like most people trying to adopt they probably desperately wanted a child. However, I would hope most people are ethical enough not to lie. If you weren't sure, you should not have signed. They should not have told you "trust us, you can change your mind even if you sign away your rights". I think right now your only option is to contact a lawyer and tell them that you were misled into signing. Otherwise you don't have anyway to get your child back. You signed a legal document that said you were willing to give away all your rights to the child, and that you understood what you were doing.

I'm really sorry to hear that you were exploited in  this way. They may be nice people most of the time, but this time they really took advantage of the situation. Now the baby is legally theirs, and they don't want to give her back. Please contact a lawyer to see what can be done.

Answer 14

It depends on what state and what type of adoption laws they have in the adoption company you went to....good luck ;)

Answer 15

Here are a couple of links that might be able to help you in this situation:

Origins USA:

http://www.origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?...

Concerned United Birthparents:

http://www.cubirthparents.org/

Why did they change? Because, sadly, they got what they wanted and that, apparently, is all that matters to them. HOW they got what they wanted doesn't seem to be an issue.  

{{{HUGS**}}} to you my friend. Keeping you and your baby girl in my prayers.

Answer 16

you signed your rights away . . .you can't pop back in and ask for your relinquished child back.

did you have counseling during your pregnancy to assist you with this decision?