Why do so many people assume...?

Question

I'm not trying to start a discussion on whether spanking children is right or wrong...I know everyone has their own opinion on that and nothing will change that. BUT...why do so many pro-spankers say such rude things, like that kids who aren't spanked are brats and will end up in jail or shooting up schools, and that parents who don't spank are bad parents and don't discipline their kids and only want to be "friends" with them? That's not true at all, and that is really insulting to people who weren't spanked (like me), because I love and respect my parents more than anything and that makes me kinda mad that a lot of people would assume that they were horrible parents and never disciplined me just because they didn't hit me. It's really ignorant to assume that spanking is the only world-wide option known to work and that anyone who hasn't been hit will turn out to be a serial killer or something. Of the people I've known that ended up with horrible kids, it was because the parents didn't feel like disciplining their kids at all, in any form, and with a lot of them, a major problem was that the parents were hardly ever even around and the kids had no guidance or discipline whatsoever.

Answer 1

That's weird. I have never heard anyone say kids who weren't spanked end up in jail or shooting up schools. Usually it's the other way around. Spanking shows violence and blah blah blah. Everyone is different though. I don't have any problem with people who choose not to spank their children nor do I have a problem with people who do spank their children. I was spanked by my parents when I was growing up and I turned out pretty good I think. Married with 2 beautiful little girls. Stay at home mom. Same goes for my 2 sisters and brother. I also know people who were never spanked and they turned out fine too. But than again I do know some people who were or were not spanked and they didn't turn out so great. Getting in trouble all the time. I honestly think spanking or not spanking a child has nothing to do with the way they grow up (only if spanking doesn't borderline abuse, and/or not spanking but using bribery). I plan on spanking my kids. Of course when I say I will spank my kids I truly mean a swat on the butt, not, pull down your pants so I can take my belt to you kind of thing like I got when I was growing up. Discipline can be used in so many different ways these days and is truly affective when done right. I think the key is to use patience. Try to talk calmly to your children as apposed to yelling. Yelling is a way of giving them the attention they are trying to get when they misbehave. Take away privilege's. My SIL always has to have an "adult" conversation with her 3 year old daughter that usually ends with the words "if you behave, we will stop and get you some ice cream" or something along those lines. That's what I really don't like. teaching your children they will be awarded if they act out long enough. Ok, I guess I got a little off track here. Heck I really don't even remember what I was trying to get at. Anyways, people can discipline their children anyway they chose just so long as it's not a method that would most likely get them arrested or get their children taken away from them.  

Answer 2

your parents are NOT bad parents..i cant believe someone would say that just because they never hit you. in fact it seems to me they did a good job with you after reading your question.  kudos to your parents!

in my opinion..to each parent there own. some parents never have to whip there kids because another sort of discipline works for them and their children. other parents i have found have tried many sorts of punishment that works for different situations which include a spanking when nothing else has worked (timeout, taking away an iten, ect) they have tried timeout, have tried doing what they can and their children are still acting up ( not saying they are bad kids at all..every child is different and some are very hyper...its no ones fault) so they have to result in giving a spanking (not hard) and then time out.  some parents give warnings and when the child doesnt listen they give them a spanking. like i said to each their own..doesnt make them bad parents at all whether they spank their children or not..it doesnt mean they dont love their children or that they dont guide them it just means they found something that works for them whether it includes spanking or not. either way any kind of discipline that works with in reason and boundaries to me is good parenting .

myself as a parent..ive found that timeout works best for me or taking away toys..i do not rule out a whipping though when it is needed (only for really bad situations or if totally not listening and NOTHING else works) so far ive only had to whip my child one time.  i only did it on the butt just 3 taps(anywhere else i personally think is unacceptable to hit ) and only enough for her to feel uncomfortable..not to hurt her what so ever (if you whip a child to hurt them..its wrong and unacceptable as well, you should get you kid taken away from you if thats the case). after i was done i told her why she got one..had her still sit in time out after all was said and done i held her, hugged her and told her i loved her. it upset me that i had to resort to this so i use a whipping very rarely..every other time its just the timeout or taking away stuff.  this is what i have found that works for me so this is what i do.

i think alot of the reasons parents assume that other parents dont discipline their children is honestly and sadly..alot of parents DONT or they just sternly tell them no but dont really do anything about it.  i can understand why some parents feel scared to punish their children..these days parents are no longer in control any more..they get threatened with CPS if they are to spank their children.  they get threatened with CPS if they sternly correct their children because its considered "screaming" even when it isnt.  Also sadly because parents can no longer discipline children these days, there ARE alot of kids who think they can walk all over anyone, can do what they want, break laws, ect.  they know NO boundaries because of this. so unfortuanlly it seems any parent (even if they are terrific parents) that doesnt spank their kids are getting the blame for all the nonsense and chaos happening with kids these days.  i personally think its wrong both ways..i think if you do nothing about your childrens behavoir ( no discipline what so ever) ignore it..or if you beat your child..either way to me its wrong. you are emotionally damaging your child both ways.

the world need to stop judging parents that do their best..and others need to stop calling CPS on GOOD parents that do what they can and what works for them.  all of us parents do have limited options when it comes to disciplining a child because we are paranoid...lol  

Answer 3

i think the people who say those types of things are also the people who think that they are right about everything, and are not open to advice from others. the bratty, disrespectful kids are the ones who were not diciplined at all. their parents were probably inconsistant and treat their children as friends instead of parent to child.

i do beleive in spanking, but if it did not work for me, i would be open to anything that would help me raise my children in a positive way. i know many parents who do not spank, and i also know the reason why. their children are not bratty at all. they have found methods that work with their kids and that is all that matters.

i have seen alot of kids who DO  get spanked over, and over and over, and it doesn't phase them, who are bratty and disrespectful.  

Answer 4

I am a non-spanker and I also get sick of people assuming my kids are brats or out of control. It is actually completely the opposite.

I think people just need to disagree with the alternative in order to justify their own choices - that said, I probably do the same thing - we are all human after all.

Answer 5

Some people say things like this because of the same reasons they say negative things about any other subject; they want to make themselves look good and feel good.  

You are right to say that not disciplining children is the reason why there are so many disobedient children around.  Parents who don't discipline  and teach their children to use self control and to listen are creating children that many would call a brat.  Sometimes these parents are spankers and sometimes they are are non-spankers.   Even though I believe in spanking and I use it in my own parenting, I know that spanking does not necessarily guarantee an obedient child.  If  the parent is abusive or excessive about it or does it in anger, it will more than likely only create a child who is angry and abusive themselves.  GOOD discipline comes in the form of GOOD parents.  And GOOD parents are of many different types.

Answer 6

There will always be people who make rude comments, no matter the subject matter.  I'm wondering how many of these people that make these comments are actually parents.

Answer 7

I think that the rude and inaccurate comments come from both sides of the field on this one.  Sure, pro-spankers say rude, stupid things, but those against spanking say just as many rude and stupid things.

You'll find that in any controversial topic.  Look at the debates between those who breastfeed vs those who don't, cloth vs disposable, pro-choice vs pro-life, SAHM vs working mom...  It's a two way street.

Answer 8

It's just some people are more opened minded than others. Just because you prefer one thing doesn't mean the other thing is wrong.

Answer 9

i disagree sometims kids need a firm hand

Answer 10

Lack of experience? IDK but IMO, anyone who refers to a child as a 'brat' or other derogatory terms has not reached an adequate level of maturity and should not be having children yet, or relate to kids at all.  Children develop best under the guidance of intelligent, independent-thinking adults, and not under immature 'grown-ups' playing power games through physical 'prowess' like spanking etc.