Why do some think?

Question

Why do some people here think it is better for a child to remain in their counrty of birth no matter what?

Let's say a child is in an orphanage because they have been abandoned by their birth parents. No one knows who their family is or if they even have one. There is zero chance of the child ever being reunited with their bio parents. They have been passed over for domestic adoption. (In our daughter's case she had a facial deformity that is considered bad luck in her culture so the chance of someone adopting her domesticaly was next to zero)Their only future is to age out of an orphanage if they stay in their counrty of orgin.

The other option is to be adopted by a family in another counrty. Yes they will grow up in a different environment with different customs and a different language but they will also grow up being part of a family.

Can you please explain to me how a life in an instituation is better than a loving family even if it is in a counrty?

Answer 1

I hear what you're saying.  

I believe that international adoption is a short term solution.  Ideally, every country will have the infastructure, stability and resources necessary to provide for every children born there.  

For the vast majority of countries with IA programs, this isn't the case. There is no social infastructure, no way for the government to provide the basic needs to the people.

I really think it comes down to this: If adoptive parents are willing to do the work, cultural needs can be addressed outside the child's country of origin.

A child's basic needs: food, shelter, clean water, safety&security, the love and support of a family (not an institution) sometimes CANNOT be addressed within the child's country of origin.

Answer 2

Some things to consider:

Most orphanages are not like those in Dickens's 'Oliver'.  

There is no guarantee that they will be raised in a 'loving' family. I wasn't, and I know PLENTY of adoptees who weren't either.

In how many cases are relatives completely out of the picture? Angelina's 'daughter' Zahara was visited by an aunt & grandmother regularly, and Madonna's 'son' was visited often by his father.

These kids lose either way.  If they stay there and are unadopted, they lose a 'family' (but they lose that if they are adopted by strangers abroad anyway).  If they come here they lose language, culture, etc.

Not everyone in the world thinks life in the U.S. is superior--shocking, I know.

Answer 3

I understand what you're saying. For those of us who have had the opportunity to visit our children's orphanage, we are humbled to know that these kids would be lucky if they were Dickensian. What we saw haunts us. My daughter's orphanage was poorly funded. It was freezing, dark, grey and concrete. There were no toys and it was very industrial. No music, no laughter. There wasn't even a lot of crying. Like another parent said to us, it's like these babies have given up. They believe they are going to be alone. Culture does not trump having a family, love and safety regardless of where that family lives. And anyone who thinks that it does is a heartless fool and probably wouldn't last 2 hours in an orphanage. Also, people do not understand China. Poverty is one of the last reasons people relinquish. The one-child policy is LAW, plus many of these children could have been raised with their families, however, these parents want a boy and are wilingly abandoning their daughters in order to "try again". And there are others who very much wanted their girls but were instructed to relinquish by the father's parents (who hold the power) to try for a boy. And as for finding these first parents, people don't seem to realize how dangerous that would be for them. Forced sterilization, loss of job, legal sanctions, fines of up to 5 times their yearly salary. These are restrictions that us Westerners are very lucky to never have to face. All that being said, I do think that we have an awesome responsibility to celebrate our daughter's culture and language and make sure she feels comfortable and embraces that part of herself.

Answer 4

I think people believe that everyone should be aware of their own cultural background.  I am not saying that I necessarily agree with this way of thinking but I know a lot of people do.  

There are pro’s and con’s of both ways of thinking – it could be argued that by taking someone out of their country of origin for adoption, the adoptive child would then have more obstacles in their path because of racial/cultural and social differences.

Answer 5

I think the point being made is NOT that these kids don't deserve homes.  The point is that they shouldn't need to be adopted in the first place, and we need to focus our energy on family preservation rather than adoption.  Adoption puts a band aid on a massive wound.  It's not helping.  In fact, in many cases, it's making the situation worse.  Families in China know they can sell their children to human traffickers, so they DO.  Shady businessmen in Guatemala know they can make a buck on baby farming, so they DO.  If our focus was on keeping kids with their families, neither of these practices would exist.  That's the goal we need to strive for.

Answer 6

I don't know why they feel that way.  When we picked up our daughter from the orphanage in India, one run by Mother Theresa's organization, we found her to be only 10 lbs...and she was 8 months old at the time.  She was covered head to toe in scabies and I'm sure if she had been there a while longer she would have died.

I also spent 7 months in Afghanistan last year and toured two orphanages there.  I won't even begin to try to describe the state of them both.  

There is NO WAY that anyone can tell me that children should remain in thier own country just because it's important to maintain some cultural tie.  Adoptive parents can and should work to maintain some sort of cultural tie for their foreign adopted children.  I'm active in both the Indo Canadian and  First Nations (North American Indian) cultural associations in my community just so that I can help support both of my adopted girls to maintain some knowledge and connection to their cultural backgrounds.

But to leave them in their initial situations...just because, no way.