Why should I deal with this...?

Question

Here is the issue how do I deal with the fact that my mom is always saying how much I f*cked up with my money?

I'm I wrong its my money and yea I messed up I just wasted it all at a friends house!!! I wasn't meaning to but it wasn't like it was her money that I was wasting! How come she feels the need to tell other people that I messed up?

She's always told me that I was an ugly baby and that I was always big... how is that suppose to make me feel? I feel like she doesn't love me and yea I have my moments too where I do have an attitude and I don't deny that I do!!!

Why does she do this? should she do that? and what do I do?

I'm really depressed right now with the whole situation at hand!!! She's always saying things that get to me I hold it in and it bursts sometimes but I feel hurt by what she does say to me!!!

Please can someone help me? What do I do? Who do I turn to when I can't talk to my mom or dad or even my boyfriend?

Answer 1

i would leave her a letter and pour your heart out in it. let her know that as a mother, what she said about you really hurt.. apologize for spending the money on junk but tell her that she didnt have to blow up like that. kids make mistakes all the time and the parents should be there to teach them and help them. not jump down their throat and make them feel like c**p.

Answer 2

Hi there!

First I think I'd need to know if this is pocket money you receive from your parents? If it is then maybe your mother resents having to work for money to give you.

When you (As She Might See it waste it?)  and maybe money is tight right now?? If the money is what you've earned then it might be that she was hoping you'd use the money to improve your life, like maybe saving up for special days or things like new clothes, holidays etc.

By telling other people she's kind of doing what your doing right now by asking for help, maybe she's struggling with how to get across what she really means but just doesn't know how to do that.  My own mother was awful to me and it took me many years to let go (You notice I don't say forgive?) of the bad feelings and blame I attached to her.  

She had little or no education and always had to work really hard but emotional intelligence wasn't her or my fathers strong suits. So I understood that they did the best they could with what they had.

I realised I spent so much time blaming them for the state of my life, even when I wasn't around them I would make bad choices and decisions and blame them - I saw myself as a victim of their bad parenting so they might just as well still been there I'd just cut out the middlesman and was abusing myself using them as an excuse for all my failures.  

I had a choice and I chose the path that caused more hurt until I came across a self help book called 'Letters from Woman Who Love Too Much. by Robin Norwood.

I think it might help you understand why people are the way they are, you may even see yourself in there and find help to deal with this problem. Although instead of seeing it as a problem you could see it as a learning curve?

Your parents may have had difficult even painful childhoods and the ways they deal with things like this is how their parents did it.  The chances are they can't see the effects this is having on you, like yours my mother would say hurtful things like 'I never loved you' I only got pregnant because your dad spent the money on  drink' or 'Your dad will never be dead as long as your alive! Your just like him, which actually wasn't true but she believed it was.

You must try to see both sides I don't know how old you are but you must at least be in your teens since you've done the right thing and not just let things go on as before which shows that your really trying to understand and that is not only courageous but emotionally intelligent. So go find the book I've mentioned you'll find it at your local library, WH Smiths and other book stores. If you browse the books in Personal and Spiritual development you will find other books that might be of help.

You must be willing to put in at least as much positive energy into dealing with and getting rid of this issue as as you have and are putting negative energy does that make sense?

I imagine there must be other area's in your relationship with your mother that are less than perfect! Something else that may help you particularly with your depression is talking to your doctor about getting some counselling to help you work through your problems. It's always helpful to have at least one person who will be there for you and help you deal with difficult area's in your life.  You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain. It can't get much worse can it?

Good luck

Liz

Answer 3

Thats really sad that your mom says things like that and ITS NOT FAIR. It is your money and she should understand that you learnt an important lesson, and although it is ok for her to scold you a little to make you understand what you did was wrong she shouldnt keep going on about it.

The thing that was really sad was the comment on how you were "big" (ya right, i bet youre not) and an ugly baby (no baby is ugly). Im sure she does love you but maybe if you cry in front of her she will understand how much it hurts you. My mom said things like that how i was big (and im not im 104 lbs at 5'2) and how i was ugly. I cried once and she hasnt done it since. If she continues i wonder iof there is something wrong in her life... like emotionally?

You should talk to someone.

Good luck and dont believe a single thing she says mean to you. Your better than that!