Will you please read my poem?

Question

The shadows creeping into your room

and i know Death has come for your soul

I want to hold you

make you stay

You are slipping through my fingers

and I'm trying to hold onto you in vain

time has run out

and I will have to let go

the light of the sun touches my toes

but i'm dead to its warmth

life has become empty

lost all its colour

I am angry could you not have hold onto life

was my love not enough to keep you here

could you not have forsake death

could i have shield you from the dark

Its hopeless

no one wins this battle

in my heart your love will shine

and keep the dark away

Answer 1

I think it needs to be proof read a little

"The shadows creeping into your room/and i know Death has come for your soul" - I

"I am angry could you not have hold onto life" - held, and maybe some punctuation to make the line more clear

"could you not have forsake death" - forsaken

"could i have shield you from the dark" - I, shielded

It's seems your not using past tense when you should. Also I think it needs punctuation.  

Answer 2

I really really like it.. :P

Answer 3

Pretty good (i know not all poems ryhme) but you might try to make it ryhme once every section.  

Answer 4

Very nicely done. Excellent use of symbolism and personification. Poetry says a great deal to which many can relate in a concise capsule of imagery; you have achieved that. : )

Answer 5

Death is Life which strength us to live on and to remember the loves. So hold on to God unchanginghands and believe in yourself.And remember what they have taught us.That what make you stronger.

Answer 6

It's really good, or at least I thought so!! Is it from experience or did you make it up?