Winning a girl back?

Question

The title is slightly unforthcoming. I only dated this girl, whom I met at work, for two weeks until I went out with her and her friend (and my friend) - not a blind date for them mind you -- and got extremely wasted. I ran into two guys I knew from H.S. and I ended up at the bar 85 percent of the time chatting it up with them. Frankly, I wasn't sure if I was into her, and I the more I drank the more I forgot why I was there. I didn't even buy her a drink when she went to the bar (she tapped me on the shoulder and I gave her a perfunctory smile) Later, while leaving, there's no doubt an unfavorable impression of me had already etched itself in her mind; making matters worse, I basically asked her (slurring, no doubt) why she'd date somone like me who is so shy (i could have said other things, but not 'alcoholic' -- which is what she must have assumed, correctly, I was....it was years ago and it's a double-blur now). No surprise: she dumped me the next day via email (we worked in the same building) citing family issues. Anyway, I've been dumped before, and have dumped plenty of others myself. I've been devastated over a failed relationship, only to get over it within two weeks. But I haven't gotten over this girl (it's not that I think about her every day; I just think of her romantically every now and then. I even have dreams of getting a second shot. THat's not the case with any girl I've encountered). I don't believe in soul-mates, but for lack of a better term, I look at her that way. She was perfect for me, and I just didn't see it (was an alcoholic at the time). As I said, I never forgot about her, but I just sort of let it go. She seemed very resolute (not mean, mind you) in the dump email. But years later, I still can't stop thinking about her. Her personality/face -- perfect for ME. She isn't of the model face or build, but I'd take her over a model in a heart beat. I could very well be with her today if I hadn't have gotten wasted and embarrassed her (though she did well in hiding it that night). The thing is, she's since moved. But her parent(s) could very well live at the same house. That's the only way I can conceive of communicating with her. She had a myspace, but then deleted it. I never contacted her through that thing. I'm sure anything through email or messaging wouldn't work -- I tried it a month later before she left the office. Anyway, back to the parents, should I stop by and tell them how I feel about their daughter? Or will that prompt them to call the cops? I met them once, but it was so brief and I had been drinking. I'm not a loser. Hold down a job/ and have an apartment/car. But putting myself in their shoes, I may think stalker. I know I would never stalk her (as in, finding out where she lives and following her around). But what about talking to a parent or both and telling them how I feel? Would that be a mistake? I can think of no other means of contacting her.

Answer 1

I think telling them as much as you have told here would most certainly be too much. Just keep it simple. "I met your daughter years ago and I'm wondering how she is these days, could you forward a letter to her from me or maybe give me her phone number?" No details that they don't need. Talking to them is also a good opportunity to see if she's married or have a boyfriend now.

Do have a hand written letter for her, handwritten is more personal and expresses more feeling. Go easy in the letter too, tell her that you had an alcohol problem back then and that you are better now, tell her how bad you have felt over the years about how you treated her, and let her know that you'd like to hear what's happened in her life since then. Don't write about the slightly obsessive romantic thoughts just in case it would make her feel uncomfortable.

If you talk on the phone the same thing applies.

Once you have "felt the water" you'll see if it's smart to tell her how you feel or not. If you send her a letter and she doesn't reply then you know. If you talk on the phone and she never calls back or keep having excuses about why she can't talk to you, then you know. If she opens up for further communication, then you know.