Women, do you get offended.....?

Question

when men call you honey, sweetheart, doll, etc?

Today I was at the grocery store with my husband and he accidentally bumped into a woman in line and knocked her stuff onto the floor.In response he said,"I'm sorry sweetheart. Let me help you with that."Now I know saying that can sometimes be condescending but from my experience you can always tell whether a person is sincere by the tone of their voice.The woman proceeded to go into this tirade about how he was being a sexist pig for calling her a sweetheart and she can take care of her own d@mn stuff.I could tell my husband was a bit shocked and honestly a little mad as well.He didn't say anything and just sat her stuff back down on the floor and let the woman take care of it herself. Now maybe it's because I'm from the south but terms like sweetheart and the like just seem,I don't know,polite in a way.So do anyone of you get offended when someone calls you sweetheart,honey or the like?Could you tell me why this is offensive?Thank you!

Answer 1

I would just take it as the man being nice. I wouldn't take any offence.

Answer 2

If it's from some random person, I do find it a little condescending, but there's usually no point in trying to explain it to people. It usually works better to respond in kind (i.e. Thanks, honeybun.) They usually stop after that.

Answer 3

Depends on the guy and the situation. Some guys say it all the time to everyone (my boyfriend included). Some use it derogatorily. Normally it doesn't bother me (unless it is at work since it is supposed to be a more professional environment).

Answer 4

Any term used or taken out of context can be offensive. In the sense your husband used, I don't think it is.

Answer 5

I think that woman's reaction was the height of offensive! It's not like your husband slapped her on the butt and called her sweetheart, he was HELPING her and trying to make amends for accidently bumping into her! Or if he said, "Sorry sweetheart", and walked off, he'd be a condescending jerk too. But he didn't! Your poor husband!! And I'll bet that was hard for you to watch......

Some people are just wretched that way I suppose. They sit and wait for someone to say something that they can jump on. Sad, really... but still horrible.

Tell your husband there are still some of us southern girls who would have thought he was such a nice guy!

Answer 6

i really don't know why.  it's like you said, tone of voice says it all.

Answer 7

I don't take it personally except if the man is looking @ me in a suggestive way.

Answer 8

I don't really see how that could be offensive unless it's meant in a condescending way, like talking to a little kid. Maybe the woman just took it that way, I don't know. Or maybe she's a b*tchy feminist who hates all men...there are a lot of possibilities.

Answer 9

Maybe I should use those terms more often just to watch the over the top, childish, idiotic reactions... then laugh in their faces as they attack me because they are so petty.

Answer 10

i'd be mildly offended if someone said that for any reason (except close friends, who call me 'honey'), but i certainly wouldn't go off on one unless there was clear intent to cause offence.

it's offensive because it's patronising and overly familiar. certainly in the uk we like to keep our personal distance from people and it can feel as though people are encroaching on that sense of personal space.

Answer 11

This is BS. I like to take this time to show how hypocritical people can be. Let's exchange honey with the N word when to Black people are using it. You can tell by the tone in their voice and intent of the word, that its not derogatory. But these same people would use the argument that if they can't say that, then Blacks shouldn't be calling each other that. BS

Answer 12

Not really. most people just have there own way of communicating.

Answer 13

I typically doesn't bother me unless it is in the form of a cat call.  My husband's friends often do this and if I was in this woman's situation I would have been pleasantly surprised.

I call my students these things all the time, they love it because school is the only place they hear kind comments toward them.

Answer 14

I'm fourteen, so I'm still used to being called "sweetheart" and "hon" a lot.

I guess it would depend on the tone, though.  I can generally tell when someone is being sincere.

Answer 15

I dont think its offensive...Its common courtesy to be sincere and polite when your adressing someone..ntohing wrong with calling someone sweetheart..its their problem if they think politeness is such a horrible thing..Personaly though when someone calls me honey i get mad because usualy its when their telling you your stupid or somthing or eveything you think is wrong or immature..but thats just how the people im around are..it different with other people some people say honey to be nice some say it to talk to you like their your mother..either way..no i dont think its offensive..its polite..=]

Answer 16

It depends on the context. It's fine if it's being used as a term of endearment, but often it's used in a condescending way, which is very rude.

Answer 17

I could give a d**n whether women got offended when I called them sweethearts. You gotta be kiddn me.  YOU KIDDN' ME huh? Are you sweetheart??  ~=')

Answer 18

When it comes from strangers, I find it more than a little condescending. They don't know me, therefore, they should have the common sense not to apply a term of endearment to me.

Answer 19

Its people like that that make people not like feminists.

Answer 20

Well, I wouldn't get offended. But it would be kind of weird if a random stranger called me one of those names. But still, I would be nice about it.

I hate when women do that though. A man is being polite and helpful, just like a human should be.

Answer 21

Because those crazy feminist women think it is. They "don't want help" with anything, but it's odd in rape cases. When a school teacher has s*x with one of his female students, they get real hot under the collar, and call for "The sumbitch to be hanged" . But if a woman teacher rapes a male student, they support the woman.

Equal rights my ***.

Answer 22

Only when I feel I am being talked down to.  I live in the South, too, so I hear a lot of it.  From the kind man in the grocery store, "honey" is no big deal- it comes across as caring.  From the doctor in a hospital I work with who addresses his questions as "Would you be a sweetheart and (insert menial task here)"  I get a little offended.  I don't think the doctor would address a male research assistant in the same tone.  

It's all about how it's said, not what is said.  I guess that's how it goes with a lot of things!  In your case, I think your husband was trying to be a gentleman.  He shouldn't feel bad and neither should you.

Answer 23

It doesn't bother me.

If the guy is being a pig I usually have way more than being called honey or baby as a clue.

Besides I call people of both sexes honey, sweetie, etc all the time so I guess it would be kinda hypocritical of me to get bent wouldn't it ;-P