Would you forgive her?

Question

I moved my sister and nephew into my house to help her get on her feet. I basically took care of her and her son for approximately a year and a half, unfortunately my husband and my sister slept together, I am currently awaiting the divorce. My sister and I has just recently started back talking. (Although I still feel disrespected, angry, and hurt etc.) and I have been trying to move past this situation. I recently found out that she is pregnant with his baby and it brought back all the initial pain and hurt. I just don't know if its in my heart to forgive her, the baby would be a constant reminder of the betrayal from two of the people that I trusted the most. Would U forgive her?

Side Note: I was with my husband for ten years and we have a seven year old daughter together. How do I explain it to my daughter?

Answer 1

this has to be one of the most terrible situations ive read about ,  ok first off forgivness has to come from your heart , if your christian you must , But , forgiving does not mean you agree with what was done nor does it mean you must allow this person into your life , next your going to not only find a way to heal your heart and soul , you have the main question in mind already , what to do for your own child , how will this effect the child in years to come , i feel very deeply for you and the child , as painful as it may be , you have a situation that most likely will need proffesional attention , as for your soon to be ex , well i would think even as low of a human being as he is , it is his responsability to sit his child down and give an explanation , as far as the sister , well i know if it were me i would protect my child , i would no longer have contact of any kind , the children would never meet ,  i dont know now im hurting and confused also , please , whatever answers you recieve from here , get conseling , this one is far to deep for internet advise ,

Answer 2

Can't tell you what to do... Sorry. But I can tell you that after 11 years my wife moved in with her boss. Stayed for a year and a half. At the pleading of my 7 year old son I then took her back. Honestly I do still love her... but now 6 years down the road she still makes me feel like I'm the one who has to earn her love. I love my kids, but with it to do again would never accept her back.  For the sake of that son I'll stay until he turns 18 but when he leaves I leave. As I said, I do still love her but there has to be an end to the emotional pain somewhere. I've had enough.

Answer 3

Perhaps on my deathbed, when I am half in this world, is when I would probably find my way to forgive them both.  Your post literally made me feel queazy for a moment.  It's hard enough to deal with betrayal by your spouse.  I would hold more blame for my sister than my husband.   You move on with your life and do not let this ruin the rest of your life.  There is a new life coming into the world now that will be related to you.  You are strong enough to separate that situation in your heart.  I am sure.  You may also want to seek counceling for yourself too.   You should tell your daughter that you and daddy need time apart.  But not from her.  She's too young to have to explain the new baby's siutation yet.

Answer 4

     It never ceases to amaze me.  I sometimes wonder if there are any real men left.  I often think that this business of 'forgiving' is such a nebulous word.  After all, you can never forget what they've done, how they've treated you.

     A far as explaining it to your daughter, the only way is to tell her the truth.  Oh I know it's hellishly difficult, but suppose you spin her some yarn about the child being your's, for instance, one day she will find out and you'll be shown up as a liar yourself.

     I don't feel I've helped you one bit, but my God I sympathize with you.

     I wish you all the luck in the world,

Mike B

Answer 5

Well, at least he kept it in the family.  Maybe the 3 of you should just stay living in the same house, raise your kids together and live happily ever after.

Answer 6

this story makes me soo angry !!!! i would cut all ties with both of them and move on.  i wouldnt say anything to your child until you feel she is old enough to handle it.  sorry for what is happening to you and your child.

Answer 7

Oh you have a kid that locks you in. Your screwed.. Now your going to be the single mom no real man would touch.  You need to stop being the pushover and not do things like watching/raising another woman's kid even if its your sisters. Its hard for women to refuse to take care of a child but your going to have to do that.  You made your bed now your going to have to sleep in it..

Answer 8

Wow I would leave my husband and disown my sister

Answer 9

It's easy to for give than to forget.Big mistake on her part she ruined a bond.That to me is the biggest heart crusher yet.But she is still a sister and that bond will take a long time to heal.Just remember its not the baby's fault Your daughter probably will never understand.It's just to bad you have to explain to her why your sister broke up the family{ not all her fault either though.} JUST TELL YOUR DAUGHTER YOU LOVE HER EVERY DAY THINGS WILL BE GOOD

Answer 10

you forgiving her is not for her , it's for you.So that you can move on without animosity . Divorce is not something that is warranted by GOD to be issued every time two people don't get along, it was implemented for the purpose of a separation due to infidelity, or adultry. In your case,if you feel as if there is no chance of reconciling, it is in your best interest to stage your divorce and move on for your sake, and your child's sake. As for answering her questions that she may have- remember, if she is big enough to ask, she's big enough for the honest answer good luk

Answer 11

I would never forgive her, ever. That is the worst thing anyone can do to a sister. Cut her out of your life. She is selfish and self centered and has no care or love for you or anyone else.

Answer 12

No, i would not forgive her.  There is no thought involved with a sister sleeping with her brother in law.  if they can do that, there are no boundaries that they wouldn't cross.

Answer 13

Betrayed by your own blood and husband.  I feel bad for you.  I don't know how to move past betrayal like that.  I myself am feeling betrayed like that.  You don't want to end up bitter and jaded but that is the easiest thing to do.  You can't just forget them, but the best advice is to move on from them and be happy yourself.  I haven't been able to do that just yet, but am trying really hard now.

Good Luck, tough situation.

Bright side is that he kept it in the family....

But a real Jacka$$ if you ask me...

Answer 14

Unfortunatley in this day and age, we are living with some very careless people. Should you forgive her? Yes! Not for her sake but for your sake!!You don't want to block whatever blessing God is preparing for you.You have the perfect right for your divorce and once you let go of the anger and hurt(yes I know better said that done) you can begin to focus on mapping out your future with u and your daughter.Keeping anger in your body causes illness to your own body. Now just because u forgive her does not mean you have to be chummy or even sisterly to that snaky heffer. If this were and movie  u would move across the country with ur daughter and end up finding the man of ur dream at the coffe shop. But b/c we live in the real world there are plenty more steps to take before we get there. Because u have a kids with this low-life, careless,cheating, scum bag that means that u may have to regularly se him(for your daughter's sake).... The best thing to do is ingulf yourself in YOUR OWN LIFE!! It is about u and ur daughter now!! The most upsetting part is that he has screwed up your daughter whole social status by having her to be the product of a disfuntional family dymanic.... a freakin' cousin/brother(sister)!! How is that going to effect her mentally? Kids are smart and they try to figure everything out! I would raise her to know "that kid" as her cousin. Not her sibling!! Yes I understand it is not the kids fault..but there must be some boundaries to how far the madness goes. I wish u the best of luck and I will pray that this situation will pan out to be less painful for you!!

Answer 15

Are the sister and soon to be x husband still together?  If so what the hey was your sister think??  If they are not together anymore and they are through I would say move on with her.  Yes she is careing his child but the child doesn;t know this and welcome this baby into a fight free world.  Make your sister feel and ease around you so she can know that you are the person she will want when this baby is born.  If you are mad at him this is the best revenge and you get your sister back and this beautiful baby that will need you for all the support in the world.  Make the most of this and be happy that a baby is coming.  Smile and remeber love and kindness is the best revenge.  Good Luck!!

Answer 16

At the end, she is your sister, right? That doesn't mean what she did was right, it was actually really wrong, but to be in peace with yourself you are going to have to forgive her. The pain pollutes yours and your daughter's lives. You should get away from her for a lil bit, you can't forgive her if she is around at this moment. The thing is that you can't forgive her untill one big condition is met:  THAT YOUR SISTER IS REALLY SORRY AND THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO HURT YOU ANYMORE.

Take all the time you need to heal, if the situation still affects you or hurts you, you will be fooling yourself pretending you have forgiven her. When you realize that you have gotten over the situation (it will take years) then forgive her.

She is part of your life, don't let that go.

Answer 17

wow ! I would divorce both !  

Answer 18

h**l no i wouldn't forgive my sister for doing that.

You did a wonderful thing in taking her and your nephew in and look how she repays you by sleeping with your husband and getting pregnant.

If i was you i would never speak to her again.

That was REALLY low of her and apparently she didn't appreciate your help

Answer 19

Some of the situations in life throw up challenges of great dimensions: truth is stranger, often, than fiction! Forgiving is a divine quality, it brings out the best in you, strength and patience of superhuman proportions, sometimes! It is indeed virtue!

Answer 20

It's only up to you to forgive..but the best thing to do is to forgive and forget the wrong that your sister has brought upon you. Life goes on and mistakes are a part of life..so be strong and forgive your sister.

Answer 21

No dont forgive her :S::S your daugther and her brother/sister will also be cousins..  

Answer 22

That's so sad. I don't think you will ever be able to trust your sister again. She obviously wasn't thinking of u and ur daughter and the effect it would hav on u both when she jumped into bed with ur husband.She sounds really selfish. I don't think i could ever forgive my sister if she did that to me and my child.

Answer 23

It's not what you should do. It's what you can accept the consequences of doing. I'm betting you can't bring yourself to cut you sister out of your life. So you had better get around to the notion of forgiving her or booking with the Springer show. Personally, she'd be blacked out to me. But you seem to want to keep her around.

No need to explain anything to your daughter unless someone else tells her. Otherwise, she can know when she's old enough to appreciate the Jerry Springer factor but not so old she hates you for keeping the secret of that weird connecting line on the family tree.  

Answer 24

This situation is really unforgivable in my book.  I agree with everyone that says disown your sister and good job getting rid of that poc husband.  Seems like the two people you trusted most would have been able to keep their hormones in check if they had any respect for you.

Answer 25

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Betrayal by your husband is a difficult thing to overcome, but by your sister with him and now carrying his child? That is the ultimate of betrayal.  I would, personally, as hard as it may be, divorce her as well. She slept with your HUSBAND, your niece or nephew is going to be a brother/sister to your child. She did this. She destroyed what could have been a happy home and just as you booted him out of your life, she needs to be gone just as fast.

Answer 26

I would cut them both out of my life asap.  It is not necessary to explain anything to your child at this age. When she gets older you can tell her the truth, until then the less she knows probably the better. She will be able to understand that they both hurt you very bad and that's why they are not a part of your life anymore.  Remember....you can forgive them both for the hurt that they have caused you, but that does mean that you have to have them in your life. It simply means that you choose not to harbor any of the hurt or anger anymore.  In other words, forgive them and move on without them. Who needs people, family or not in their lives that would be capable of treating you like that. Surround yourself with people who care about you, and start with yourself...take care of yourself!!!

Answer 27

I'm very sorry and I feel for you,I honestly don't think I could forgive her because she not only took your husband from you she also damaged your daughters relationship with her daddy,no matter how well they still get along,she is still living without her daddy in the house and I think that would be the hardest for me to forgive,nobody hurts my kids and still remains a part of my life.I also understand how do you explain it to your child, this is your cousin,but it is also your brother/sister.How confusing for a child.Also though shame on your husband he should have known better than to be such a dog!!

Answer 28

Wow, but for the Grace of God go I is the only thing you can say about that. If yu meet someone else, don't let her near him or you.