Would you please comment?

Question

LOVE IN WAITING

I have been waiting for you, the light,

So close to my heart, waiting I am here

For the sun that brightens the dark night

Longing for the one to my eyes so dear.

I fear not time or even the God in me

For I am the driver of my chosen fate

And I will wait for her so patiently

Under rain and thunder, even if she's late.

May the skies give me a sign, just once,

I will be ready to receive her, so honored,

And with my heart I wait for that chance,

Anxiously, feeling so much enamored.

I already feel the change, and I smile,

Upon the hope that is shining so bright

And makes my heart sing so wildly.

A new day is born but, yet so infantile,

But the mere presence of her sight

Is enough to make me live eternally.

Thanks so much for your comment.

Answer 1

It is pretty and I like it, sincerely. However, there is something about the flow, for me, that needs a little work. I am not a poet so it is hard for me to say how to fix it, but I would like it more if it flowed off the tongue a little more fluidly throughout. But again, I like it.

Answer 2

Lovely thoughts expressed tenderly and with sentimentality. I cannot say it sounds like a poem, but as a text, it really is nice.  I wish to you that this love will not be in the waiting for long, and find it soon.