Writing a novel? Any Advice?

Question

Okay, so i'm writing a novel, and i have an outline, and i have started what i think is going to be the first chapter of the story.. the chapter is not completed but i wanted to get it out to see what people think of my style and any advice to it or suggestions? Here is the fictionpress link.. you have to be logged in to view it... but anyway..tell me what you think!!

PS- This part does not give out really any infromation about the story line because i do not want it to be stolen... kay.

http://www.fictionpress.com/secure/live_preview.php?storyid=2560496&chapter=1

^The Story^

The Story is called ConcealedChapter 1

if you search it

Answer 1

Hi, tried to click on link but it required log in.

Are you able to post it somewhere that can be accessed easier?

Answer 2

the link didn't work =/

but, if you send me it on email.

i'll be sure to reply with the answer i would have replied

*promise no stealing* (: