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Question

To the edge of reason booted like little flies I fly

For love to the Underground. Breezes cooped in bottles blue

Bending eyes inward to festered scars. Tortured minds weep

Their violet glittered puss. In mustard desk light, rain sweeps

The sleeping streets as a bachelor's room reeks with the stench

Of an overheated brain cheated in love ; strewn, in pain. Low

Mood drags like corpses through the days lanes of sorrow,

Avenues of despair and Venus cares no more for a punctured man.

Dawn breaks on the sleepless frown, swirled in smoke and lined,

Like a hedgehogs back, reversed, to pince and prick the soul.

Would anger, flattery, booze or plums shake her from her tomb-like

Cold? In which she's locked and left a once young man, now bitter ; Old.

Answer 1

gr8 use of xpressions!

Answer 2

This is filled with imagery.

You might consider dividing the lines for more impact:

&quot;Dawn breaks on sleepless frown,

Swirled in smoke and lined like

A hedgehog&#039;s back, reversed

To pince and pierce the soul.

Would anger, flattery, booze or plums

Shake her from her tomb-like cold

In which she&#039;s locked and left

A once-young man, now bitter, Old?

Answer 3

I like your words and some of the imagery, but I found parts of the poem a bit pretentious. It&#039;s almost as if you have tried to make it as vague and complicated as you could. It&#039;s nice to leave things for the audience to interpret, but when it&#039;s too much work, people will move on to the next poem. There were, however, parts of this poem I rather enjoyed. I love the line &quot;Avenues of despair and Venus cares no more for a punctured man&quot;. Overall, It&#039;s a really good poem and you should definitely keep writing.

Answer 4

nice writing :)  

Answer 5

Fine, dark imagery. A stark picture, well painted.