Rehearsal/ceremony question!!!?

Question

im getting married in 2 months and we are having an inter-faith wedding. Im non-denominational and he is jewish. the rabi said he isnt coming to the rehearsal dinner if we have one and he will have the rehearsal one hour before the wedding which is 11:30 in the morning! so that means the rehearsal will be at 10:30am! some of my 8 girls will not be even ready by that time or even at the venue until 11:30 because 3 of them are coming from out of state. and basically the rabi said its his way or no way. i dont think my minister is going to agree with this...and the rabi said if we do have a rehearsal dinner that thing will be changed the morning of when he gets there...i dont think my monister is going to agre with this.....what should i do???

Answer 1

I think you need to put the minister and the rabbi in touch with each other.

Say "We are so glad that both of you will officiate at our wedding and represent our commitment to our faiths and each other's. But we need to work out the timing issue now, rather than the night before. What kind of compromise can we reach on the rehearsal time?"

And if the rabbi refuses to accommodate you, maybe you need to find someone else. If it's important that he be there, then you'll just have to accept the terms he lays down.

Answer 2

Perhaps your minister can speak with the rabbi and get things ironed out. A meeting between the four of you would be helpful.

Answer 3

That's just unreasonable.  He's not considering any other factors but his own, which is quite selfish.  You don't need this added stress now nor on your wedding day.  Two months is enough time to find another rabi.  

Answer 4

From what you've said here, this rabbi is being very passive aggressive and certainly not fair to either of you.  Sounds to me like he's on a power trip too.  I have never heard of the rehearsal being directly before the wedding in a church service.  There are too many things going on, people getting ready, guests arriving, etc.

If he was not willing to work with you and your fiancee, then he should have been up front about it.  Not attending the rehearsal dinner is, of course, his choice, but the rest of this is just being stubborn and inflexible.

I recommend your fiancee, or both of you together, sit down and discuss this with him.  Ask once more if he is willing to compromise and explain what you have here.  If he is not, then I advise you find another rabbi that is willing to work with you.

Good luck!

Answer 5

get a different rabi ! it's unfair, rude and disrespectful  

Answer 6

It seems very unfair that the Rabi is not wanting to bend a little to meet the needs of others and very disrespectful to you and the groom in making this happy day very difficult for you. I would choose another Rabi - one who might be more flexible because of your time constraints. Talk it over with your fiance' and see if that is an option.

Congrats and Good Luck !!

Answer 7

you need to talk to your finace. Apparently, your rabbi doesnt agree with this interfaith wedding. If this is the case, you need to consider having someone else officiate the ceremony. The rabi is being very controlling over YOUR wedding. Its often very difficult to have interfaith weddings because of this issue. If all else fails, can your minister perform the ceremony? Will the rabi kick your fiance out of his temple? discuss all of this with your fiance and have him help you come to a conclusion on the best way to handle this.  

Answer 8

Wow, I think it is very strange that the rabi would be so unwilling to work with you.  It is YOUR wedding after all, right?  I have never heard of the rehearsal being the morning of the wedding.  What about that whole "the groom can not see the bride on the we wedding day until she is coming down the isle" thing?  I had my rehearsal and dinner the night before my wedding and stayed the night at my mom's house.  It was a great feeling, seeing my fiance/husband for the first time that day as I was being walked down the isle toward him. :o)   I would for sure have a good talk with your fiance to see how he feels about this.  If he is on the same page then speak with the rabi.  You have two months to go, it is not to late to find someone else to marry you, or find a new venue if need be.  

Best of luck to you and your big day and I hope you have a long and happy life together!

Answer 9

Ditch the rabi and find a new one. How rude can he get? "...his way or no way," is very unreasonable. And to be honest, one hour before the wedding is much time. TRUST ME, the actual wedding don't look as easy as they seem. The rabi is being too control over something that 1)is not his and 2)consists of other people as well!

Just because of him, will you change a very important part of you wedding?

Answer 10

my officiant is not coming to our rehearsal either, she lives extremely far away.... my guess is he knows the order of the ceremony.... you, your soon to be husband and the rabi should all sit down and go over step by step how the ceremony will play out. This is what we have done. She wrote out the entire ceremony word for word for us to use at the rehearsal. Have a family member act his part at the rehearsal. I know it isn't ideal for them to not be there but as long as you all know a step by step of how the ceremony will play out, i think things will be OK. still do a rehearsal the day before, you are going to be so busy the day of you are not going to want to worry about that then.