Relationship Disaster ?

Question

I am 6 months pregnant and I believe i am with the man of my dreams.

We have been together for 2 years. The first year was rocky. We both drank a lot + partied.

Hisdrinking became more excessive while we were together and I began to realize it more as relationship progressed that he had a serious drug and alcohol problem (I would drink with him too, but i would know when to stop).

The drinking became so excessive. He would lie to people (including his family) about me and they would try to blame me for his drinking.

I got pregnant and i stoped drinking and smoking and thought he would do the same. It actually got worse and worse, So i broke up with him and told him he needed to clean up his act until he got better.

3 months ago he hit rock bottom and found himself in treatment. He has been clean from drugs and alcohol for almost 4 months. I am sooo proud of him, but there are many issues that i still have.

When he was getting drunk, he would tell his family things like i hit him and treated him badly. Although i know i am not innocent. I have kept away from them. When i got pregnant, his brother told me he thought we shouldnt have the baby because he doesnt think my boyfriend was ready. He didnt really say the words, but he bascially insisted that i have an abortion.

My boyfriend recently brought me around his brother and his wife, but i cannot help to forget what his brother said to me.

It was so hard being around him, that i literally smiled, grinned and bared it.

My boyfriend and i argued about this because he says i was being fake. I was however trying to be as nice as i could, but i still feel judged for all the things he would say to them post-drinking.

Now i am having a baby shower and my mother wants me to invite some of his family.

I do not hate them, but a lot of them have a lot of apologizing to do (for example: one aunt called me some derogatory things)

I want to be able to forgive them, but i think my boyfriend doesnt realize the hurt they have caused me,

I am suppose to meet with his mother this week and discuss things about the shower and the future, however i am so scared, afraid and worried.

What should i do? and do ANY of you believe that my boyfriend should be the one to try to fix what he has said to his family in the past before I continue to pretend everything is ok???

and PS. Do any of you who know or are related to recovering alcholics/drug addicts and are in recovery or treatment know when is the best time to get answers for all of the questions you had when they were drinking?

Thanks so much + Please Help

Answer 1

There's just so much drama  and I'm not sure your boyfriend is really ready for all of it if only being reformed for only 4 months.  You 2 shouldn't of even gotten back to a steady togetherness until after he has been clean longer.

What did you mean by "you believe" your pg witht the love of your life? Aren't you sure he's the father?  NOT cool on your part if your not sure.

As for the family thing. Sure, he may of been the one to fill their heads with negative things about you while he was a drunk.  I don't think you can force him to take that step yet and make things good in your or his families eyes where your concerned.  

You also, if your going to be a part of that family, have to prove in your own way of what kind of person you really are. And you also have to grow your own backbone and learn to defend who you are.  Others can't do that for you.

I'd also pull the brother aside and tell him how wrong it was of him to try anf force the "death" of his niece or nephew.