Relationship advice!?

Question

I'm 21 y.o and i have a 1 year old daughter, Her father has been my boyfriend since i was 13(he is now 23). I know i should leave him but i dont know how to get the courage to i'm not scared of him I 'm just scared to be alone beacause i've been with him so long i dont know anything else, its like i dont even know who i am and what i like to do (i dont have any friends beacuse i've been so rapt up in him). He has been physically abusive to me, Icant trust him financially he just wastes money not caring if we need anything in the home, He is addicted to dope so hes always stoned and dope is number 1, He doesnt show me affection i have to harrass him to spend time with me. He is a great father and he does hold down a job but he thinks i'm a nag and he doesnt do anything wrong. He has done so many things i just cant write them all if i'm so unhappy then why cant i just leave???

Answer 1

You cannot leave because you fear being alone. You have known this man since you were the age of 13, this age was an impressional age and he took advantage of the situation because of your lack of experience. From this I get the impression that you came from a childhood where you felt abused or neglected. This is one of the reasons you became so dependent on him. In order for you to get your life on the right track you first need to learn to be independent. You do this by getting yourself into therapy so that you can be given the guidence to leave this man. Most people fear to be alone, but I can tell you that there is nothing greater than being able to stand on your own two feet. You do not need this man, he is abusing you and he takes dope. This is not good for you or your child. Get into therapy and stop wasting your youth on this man who truly does not respect or love you in the way you want to be loved.  

Answer 2

You just said why you are conditioned to it so you have to get unconditioned it will be hard since you have been with him so long. You have to make a move break or bust baby. You have to put a fire under his butt see if you can get family to help leave him and if he really loves you and your child he will change to get you back if not then he cares more for his habits and it is best that you find that out while you are still young and only have one child.

Answer 3

Do you have family in the area?  You need to do some planning.  Call a women's shelter in your area where you may find someone who can help you plan.  

  There is one other option which is to call child protection services where you'll find staff who can help because it is not acceptable to have a child in a house where spouse abuse is happening.

Answer 4

Get out...get out now!

There is no excuse for abuse and, even though you say you're not afraid of him, he clearly has the potential to hurt you and that's not allowed.

Go to your family.  Now.  That's what they're for...it won't be easy, but a fresh start seems to be exactly what you need.

Good luck.