Relationship advice when someone distances themself?

Question

I fell in love with a twink who got taken away into foster care for 3 MONTHS.

I'm older than him, so I suspect that's the reason he's not allowed to see or call me; however, even prisoners get to make and receive calls/visitors and conjugal visits.

He's allowed to hang out with other friends his age.

One day you love someone and the next day they're gone by no fault of your own (foster care). That's so unfair.

Maybe that has somthing to do with why im obsessing.

I'm just sad that he made the choice to date someone else (23-year-old recovering crystal meth addict) during foster care when he knows i was interested.

Now, he stopped taking the initiative to contact me; however, before he got taken away into foster care it was ALWAYS him calling ME. Thats why im so confused.

He responded to an email saying he "misses me" but hes "not single anymore".

He is 17, a high school drop out , addicted to weed, bi polar, ADD, paranoid, anxiety, fear of failure, works at micky d's, parents never married and split etc..

Anyways, he posted on his myspace his new job location at mcdonalds with the exact address so im thinking he did that for a reason?

so i went to visit him and he completely ignored me.

We live 1 hour and 30 minutes from each other so obviously i felt horrible.

why would he tell me he "misses me" and wants to "get together" when hes back after 3 months? it hurts life h**l.

i guess whatever relationaship we had before foster care is over?

He gets out in 4 weeks.

i havent had anyone like him in 5 years.

Im just really sad and heart broken that he's with another guy and ignoring me , especialy since we were going so well for 2 months before he got taken away.

We were never officialy dating or boifirends. I was kind of a sugar daddy to him, but it worked.

I've decided to stay off myspace and hope when he gets out of foster care in 4 weeks that he will call me.

I dont know what to do?

Answer 1

What to do? FORGET him, go look for someone who is not a bipolar. If you try to go on with your relationship with him, you could get hurt more, even physically. We live in a big wide world, go out and meet other people.  

Answer 2

Oh yes, I remember now, you're 18 years older than him.  Someone posted a question about you a few days ago.  I think you should look for someone more in your age range.  18 years is not too much if one person is 30 and the other 50.  But with you being 35 and him so young, it would be taking advantage.  Let him go and figure out his life, at least he is working and trying to make a life for himself.  

Answer 3

Obviously for some reason he's decided that you are not for him. For whatever reason(s) there is something you could not provide for him. Your perception of "going so well for 2 months" may be your take on the situation; what was his? Did he feel the same way?

Old habits--especially those involving drugs and other addictive substances--can be VERY difficult to change. Though you may have had him on the path to "clean living," unless he's committed to that, maybe that's what he craves and that's what you weren't providing (or were actually preventing).

It sounds like he's made his choice and you'd probably be ahead moving on. I know that isn't what you want to hear but this kid sounds like a bit of a mess and apparently you couldn't break through enough to convince him to make something of his life. That has to come from within him; no one can force him to do that.

You may just want to cut your losses NOW while it's less painful and let him know that you'll always be there for him. That would be a nice gesture but DON'T let him come back into your life just so he can "find a safe haven" or borrow money or use you emotionally in any other fashion. Friends and partners don't do that: they don't simply show up when they want something and take advantage of your hospitality. They're there through the good AND the bad.

Good luck.

Answer 4

He is young and has been through so much, so naturally maybe he is just confused- try and think about itin HIS SHOES not yours. Its easy to feel like he is distancing himself because of you- but it could be him. Sounds like (after his trials) he is just trying to find his own identity and recover. If you truely care about him (I dont know, maybe even love but you'll only know that) then you should just be patient, and just let him know you will always be there for him- be a positive light and then maybe one day when he is ready, he will seek you out and you can have a better relationship.

But if you also care about him you wont let him abuse your love- if he does go back to drugs (is he recovered?) then you need to act like the parent he never had- be firm and dont let him slip into darkness-- hey he may even resent you for that, but at such a vulnerable time he subconsiously will grateful for your strength. But you must be a positive influence! And don't think of it as a -he-me-relationship because that will make it overly romantic, and then you will start to set expectations (i think you know what I mean) which he cannot realistically meet because he is fragile, 17 and not mature yet. But you must communicate- you need to tell him these things- find a way to talk to him even if he is reluctant, if you meant something to him, that cant just fade. Then maybe a closure is in order, or even, a new start?  

I know in that short paragraph there was alot said- but seriously, try read it again and Im sure you will see through clearer lenses. Any other details to add, just let me know and I'll try my 2cents.

Answer 5

Wait a minute, are you sure he's developed bi-polar? As in bi-polar disorder? Ok, the thing with a person with bi-polar disorder is one has two extreme personalities. He can just change anytime without any sign whatsoever.

I'd say...you need to move on, my friend. Besides, he's happy with his 23-year-old guy. SO, move on!

Answer 6

The fact that he was taken away by foster care means that, by law, he isn't considered matured enough to make decisions like the one you are asking of him. And as some people have pointed out here, (if what they say is true about your age difference, please correct me if I'm wrong), the gap is too wide.

This does not only concern chronological age, but a whole lot of other factors: emotional maturity, wealth and financial status, self esteem, world and life experience, interests and hobbies, just to name a few. The disparity would be so great that it would be difficult (NOT impossible, just harder) to make things work. There are couples here in Answers who make it (a May-December relationship) run so well, you might want to ask their advice, since they have practical knowledge of what it means to succeed in that kind of a set-up.

The fact that he ignores you should be your cue: Move on, and save some dignity for yourself. Don't let his mean ways upset you any longer. As Eleanor Roosevelt so wisely put it, "No one can make us feel inferior without our consent."

Go on and look for your happiness with a new beginning. Good luck.