Relationship help please, just need some advice!!?

Question

ok so im 16 and just going into year 12 and my bf is 15 just going into year 11. weve been friends for years because he is actually the best mate of my best friends brother so whenever they went anywhere usually me and him went aswell. so it turned out the other week he confessed to having fancied me for a while and we went on a date to the cinema and then he asked me out, i said yes...the usual.

the thing is im a really shy person and VERY insecure and self concious so its not exactly like i am innundated with offers from boys. so i though id go out with him because *at the time* i thought i really liked him but thinking about it now, i think i only said yes because i wanted the experience!

so im really starting to have regrets about our relationship cos we are both still really awkward around each other (its hard being good friends to being bf/gf) and its been a month now and ive only seen him 3 times properly! i find it hard to open up to people and get comfortable around them which is probably why i feel nervous just thinking about him and i actually think any feelings i did have for him have just vanished :S because i got into the mentality where i just stopped liking people because i thought to myself 'oh youve got no chance' so i gave up looking. to go from thinking that to suddenly going out with someone is just too much of a change to me so i really dont think im happy in the relationship.

the thing is, sometimes i feel comfortable around him and sometimes i really dont. i feel like i cant talk to him about anything because the other week i told him about this problem i was having between my friends and he seemed to just dismiss it (not in a nasty way, just he didnt really know what to say and i think i need someone who is willing to here me moan left right and center about my problems lol). another problem is that he is friends with my group of friends aswell so whenever i have friend problems i feel like i cant tell him about them becuase it would leave him in the middle. for example i was getting annoyed at one of my friends for being selfish but she was also one of his good mates so its not like i could tell him how i felt, i had to keep it bottled up. he just never seems to know what to say which i can understand but im an insecure person as it is, if i was going out with a more confident person then i would automatically feel more confident but the fact that he is also quite and unsure sometimes just makes me even more so! or hes awkward with me cos hes liked me for ages or whatever. he shows me hardly any affection because of stupid things like never having credit on his phone (a nice text now and again would be nice) and he doesnt seem to make the effort to want to see me. my friends have told me hes fancied me for ages and so i think he is still really shy around me because even though weve been friends for ages, i think he doesnt know how to act know we are actually going out. sometimes im not sure if he even likes me anymore.

so the thing is about 3 weeks ago i went round to his and where he lives happens to be the place i used to hang out about 2 years ago when i was with this girl who was really pretty therefore i felt really inadequate at this time cos i was convinced i was totally unwanted so anyway, its a bit off topic but where he lives actually reminds me of a really bad time in my life i dont want to be reminded of! so when i went to his i just really wasnt happy and i was having serious doubts even then but i thought 'oh ill give it time and see how it goes'. just now im having even bigger doubts and i think the fact i dont like him is telling me to end it now

the only thing is hes coming back from a 1 week holiday today and although i dont have any romantic feelings for him anymore, he is stilll a really good mate and the last thing i want to do is hurt him! i feel that if i dump him people will give me stick about doing it saying ive really hurt his feelings and whatever (because you see this week i had a really bad fall out with my mates so even though weve made up i dont think im on their good books) and my mum will probably nag me about giving up too soon and not allowing things to have a chance to work. one of my friends whos also in a relationship told me that the first month is really awkward but after that i should become more comfortable and relax around him. i just dont think i will become more comfortable around him because im so insecure that actually having a bf just puts me under more pressure to try and make myself look nice (even though i doubt he cares what i look like) and its driving me mad because im worrying so much about my appearance!

anyway im really sorry that was a really long one, i just need advice on whether you think i should let him go, stick it out longer and see how it goes or how i should let him down gently...i think id dump him know if i knew it wouldnt affect him but ive been giving him mixed signals leaving comments on his

Answer 1

First off, you're 16!  Plenty of time for dating.  It's totally ok if you accepted a date just so you could get some experience dating.  That's what you're supposed to do, go out with lots of people when you're young, that way you see what qualities are important to you.  You've found that communication is a big one and that this guy may not be able to fulfill that need you have.  Granted, it might be that he's shy and needs time to become more comfortable with the b/f g/f thing.  But I do think that after a month, he should have reached that level of comfort.

I speak from experience, too.  I had very few dates in high school (I can count on one hand how many dates I had) and really didn't start dating until college.  And then it wasn't like I had dates every month even.  But I did find someone in my third year of college and we eventually got married.

I've found that communication is very, very important.  If you think there's the possibility that you really do like him then the best route would be to talk with him.  Ask him how he feels and let him know that you would like to have him communicate with you more often (be sure to tell him exactly what you want/need from him--hints don't work with guys).  If you're certain that you accepted the date for the experience, and not because you really liked him, then just let him know that he's a great friend and you'd like to keep it that way.

But really, you have plenty of time for dating.  I know when you're 16 you see everyone around you going out and having relationships and you want to be part of it, too.  I remember hating the fact that I was the only one of my friends to not get asked out to dances or to the movies.  But in the end, I think it was best for me.  I got to have lots of guy friends and learn about how guys work by hanging out with them.  I also got to watch my friends in their relationships and learn from their mistakes.  

My opinion is influenced not only by my  experiences, but also by my religion.  If you want really good dating advice I recommend checking out the articles at this site.  Not only will it give you tips for fun dates, but it will also help you understand the importance of dating and the right way to go about it.  

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vg...

Good luck!

Answer 2

Well, its no use being unhappy, but you're in a bad situation. From what you told me, I think that should stay with him just a tad longer. Reasons why: You just had a bad fight with your friends, and you should have your friends backing you in something like this so give it time to heal. Also, I think that you should try more with him. Act like you guys are just friends if that makes you feel less awkward and see if feelings start to develop again. Who knows? He might dump you first because he's been feeling the same way and then no hostility goes on you.

Also, since your mom already knows the situation, you should tell her the WHOLE story so she knows exactly how you feel and then ask for her advice on the situation.

All in all, stay with him for a bit longer (2 weeks at least) when things have cooled down with your friends and give a last effort to make the relationship work. Also, its good that you're trying to look good. But only try as hard as your making it sound when you're going on dates. Otherwise, you don't have to pretty up too much.

Hope that helped!