Relationship question. Please help me!?

Question

I am in a relationship with a great guy. He's very detail-oriented and organized. He expects everyone else to be the same. He's not a procrastinator and I am. I have 2 children (from previous relationship) and pregnant with this man's baby. He pretty much is always asking me to improve myself and my kids. Am I ever going to be good enough for him? Right now, I'm SO tired with carrying this baby (17 weeks), working 2 jobs (65 hours a week total) and taking care of my 2 children. I want to rest when I have a night off or time off from either job. Is that so wrong? He thinks that I should be doing something productive every minute of the day. I can't get him to understand that I just need to relax. I have gotten to the point that I don't know how to relax anymore and I think it's due to his high expectations of me. Once again, I ask, will I ever be good enough or work hard enough for him? I need some serious advice. I'm pretty emotional, so no rude comments please.

Answer 1

This guy sounds like my dad and I was never good enough for my dad. My advice is take him to a doctors appointment and get the doc to tell that it's ok if relax sometimes, and that almost necessary while pregnant. maybe that'll change his tune.  

Answer 2

He is overly controlling.  This is HIS issue, not yours.  If he refuses to understand that you need rest, then just tell him that you are resting, and if he doesn't understand then so be it.  If there is something he wants you to do that badly, he can do it himself.  

I feel sorry for the child because if you think he's hard on you, imagine what he'll put the child through.  I would highly recommend family counseling before it becomes a huge issue for the child's self esteem.

Answer 3

you should never change for a guy. and no you need your rest, your pregnant for goodness sake. he doesn''t know what it's like to be pregnant. he needs to chill out. i would sit down and have a conversation with him and if he doesn''t change maybe just leave for a while and he may get the point that no one is perfect, even him.

Answer 4

No man should ever try to make you change. Be who you are and if he doesn't like it, to the curb hun. You don't need him stressing you out this much while you are pregnant and you need the rest. You should know that when your body is telling you to rest you must rest for the sake of your baby. Take care of yourself and your family first... men come and go.

Hope everything gets better for you, hun.

Answer 5

It sounds like a pregnancy was not the best idea. However, that is something you cannot change and you have to work with.

With someone that is so detail oriented you may need to make a "proposal" to him of why a pregnant mother needs to relax and rest. It is VERY important for a healthy pregnancy for the mother to relax as often as she can. Look some stuff up on the internet to "present" to him!

Good Luck with the pregnancy!

Answer 6

My husband and I have personalities similar to you and your guy.  I'm much more laid-back, and tend to procrastinate, whereas my husband tends to plan things out huge leaps of time in advance and is possibly the most researched person on the planet for all of his decisions.  There are times when we both get frustrated with the other (I was irritated on our last theme park visit because he had EVERYTHING planned, and he was irritated because I just wanted to sleep in), but we get over it and we compromise.  If your guy can't understand your position and at least try to find common ground, you're in trouble.

He might think he's helping you by trying to make you more organised and detail oriented, and may actually be oblivious to all the stress he's been causing you.  (Trust me, when men think they have a solution, they don't really think about the consequences to the way they fix something and occasionally need this pointed out.)  The next time he tries to push you into an activity, tell him,  "Sure, I'd be happy to do that.  Why don't you watch the kids for me all next week and I'll take a class on it?"  Don't get snippy or hysterical, but tell him that because you're focusing so much on your children, one of which is HIS, you don't have the time he does to devote to micro-managing every detail of your life.  

The fact is, some people are born to be organised and others aren't.  Contrary to popular belief, it really isn't a learned behaviour and it's notoriously difficult to change yourself to be one way or the other, something that could take years to accomplish.  As long as your children are happy and healthy, you're doing your job, and your health and happiness should matter, too.  If he doesn't understand it, then maybe he's looking for a particular rigidness of character that you just don't have.  You need to have a sit-down with him and explain that you love him, but you can't deal with his constant badgering to change who you are.  Offer that maybe if he watched the children more often, or if you had more time to yourself, you might actually have the time and effort to focus on picking up the organisational slack a little, but if he's holding out for organising perfection, he's going to be disappointed.

Frankly, I think he should be happy you're together because it sounds like you should actually balance each other out.  Just take a breath, dry your eyes, give him a hug, and stand up for yourself.  He may surprise you, and you'll be glad you did.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 7

Get yourself into some counseling, and encourage him to go with you. This does not sound like a healthy relationship if you are being assertive and telling him how you feel and he is blatantly ignoring your feelings. I don't know what else to say - you chose this man and surely you knew what his personality was like before you decided to get pregnant by him. So now you either have to live with it, or actively try to make things work - and you cannot make things work if you're the only one doing the work.

Good luck.

Answer 8

It doesn't sound like it. Try explaining to him that if you are stressed out and never get to rest that its going to effect the baby. You need to be able to rest without worrying about him or anyone else being a jerk.

Sorry your going through this, and I wish you the best of luck.