Relationship strain, am I doing the right thing?

Question

For most of my teen years, I was made to think that I had mental problems, that I was tearing the family apart, etc. I'm 24 now and have come to realize my mom is a manipulative person who sets herself up for failure and then plays the victim. She sucks the life out of people. My grandfather wants nothing to do with her. She falls in love with men, takes from them, and when she can't get what she wants, she is depressed and either leaves or gets left. She's always dumped on me emotionally, always put herself first...She cheated on my step-dad-to-be, lost her job, moved in with the guy she cheated with. I decided to stop contact with her because she's a major source of stress in my life. She attempted suicide and then blamed me for it. This was her second attempt. She's with another guy now, they both seem happy, and want to include me in their lives. Yet, she's still not working, not contributing...they both said I'm the only thing missing. I just don't trust her. I know what is best for me, and that's to stay away. I still feel guilty though. I don't know what kind of answer I am looking for. I'm just so confused.

Answer 1

You are 24 years old, an adult.  What your mother could not give you emotionally, you must give to yourself.  It's imperative for your own mental stability.  You are not responsible for the decisions your mother makes and you should not feel obligated to "save her from herself."  Though you are your mother's child -- you are no longer a child and should not become a buffer in this new marriage.  You can prepare yourself for when you must step in if needed to help your mother pickup the pieces (within reason).  When two people marry - albeit it disfunctional - they are responsible for what goes on.  It a lesson most parents teach their adult children is to stand on their own.

Answer 2

Dear Confused: It is called tough love and self preservation. And there is nothing wrong with that. Step back, stay away and let time tell you if this will be another bad one for your mom. It sounds like she has some real issues herself to work out and never ever blame your self for your mothers suicide attemps. You are the child not the parent she has had the years to figure it out by now for her self.

Answer 3

Feeling guilty just shows how much she has abused you.  You're the victim; stay away.