Relationship with my mother is disintegrating rapidly?

Question

Well to cut a long story short, my finace and i are moving in together. Great, you say. It's a pity my mother doesn't feel the same.

She shouts, screams and generally stamps her feet that "that's not the way you were brought up" i.e religious reasons.The only thing is, she smokes and drinks which is hardly a religious lifestyle.

She says she "will never get over" what I have put her through - she says I don't spend time with her (I'm 23, still live with her at home, working since 19 and making a decent living for it), and have no interest in my family which is complete rubbish. If the atmosphere in the house was a little better I would be here more.

I understand some of you will think I am a carrying on like a spoilt child but obviously there is more to it like the fact she despises my fiance (despite only having met him 3 times - her choice, not mine).

I feel like she is expecting me to be here with her when she clicks her fingers, almost to keep me away from my fiance. When I am here, she barely looks at me.

ANY advice or comments welcome :)

Answer 1

Hmmm Its not really fair on you, your mum not liking the man your in love with. Perhaps she is just scared your going to leave her once you move in with your partner, but that doesnt mean she can treat you they way she has been.

Maybe sitting down and talking with her might help the situation? If not that then give her some time to calm down she'll realise she's been acting like the daughter/child and come to terms with it all.. (I hope for your sakes anyways)

Just do what makes you feel happy, becasue at the end of the day its your life, you love this man and yeah as they say you only live once on this earth..

All the best

Daisy X

Answer 2

First of all your mother took care of you when you couldn't do it yourself and so on this note i would say that you should marry your fiancee now rather than later as that is the cause of the breakdown of your relationship with your mother, and then you can move in with your husband and that small differnce will make your mother happy and you as well as it is what generally comes after an engagement

good luck

Answer 3

Sounds like your mom is bound and determined to suck the life right out of you. Your mom has problems with her own life and lack of happiness. You cannot make her get happy. At 23, you are old enough to make your own relationship decisions without having to deal with guild and negativity from mom.

People like your mom want to bring you down to their level of misery, and you cannot let that happen.

I know this sounds cold,  but your mom is very self focused and this will only get worse as she gets older. You MUST take control of your own life. Deal with mom as positively as you can, without bending to her will. That's all you can do.  

I do not believe it is a sin to limit contact with dysfunctional family members who bring negativity and destructive influences into your life.