Repost: I think I've fallen out of love with my wife:?

Question

This is a repost bacause I didn't understand how to use this forum and I shut down the question too early. Thank you...

I've been married for 3 years and I've been with my wife for 6 years. We're both 30. I'm almost positive that I no longer love her. My goals have dramatically changed and they do not co-inside with her plans for the future. I realize this is completely selfish and I feel horrible about the situation. I'm also worried that this is leading to depression on my end. Our s*x life is miserable and this is on my behalf as I am no longer attracted to her.

She wants children. I currently have no desire. I tried to communicate this to her. I feel she is telling me that she doesn't want kids anymore because she's afraid to lose me. I want to go back to school and may need to attend full time. She is willing to work this out. I'm not sure I want her to put in the effort. I've found our interests are completely different as well. We've inherited a house so to speak. I feel that I was forced into this inheritance and I'm not sure that I want the responsibility. I've tried many times to express my feeling on this and I'm not sure she understands.

I do know that I am miserable. I'm not sure if I'm hanging on to a security blanket. We don't have children and I wonder if this is the right time to separate. I wonder if she is in denial toward my feelings

Answer 1

Try and get some marriage guidance it would be money well spent as you have to address your feelings honestly.  But if you feel as strongly as you say and that you no longer love your wife you should tell her.  It takes a bigger man to walk away than to stay and carry on as you will meet someone and leave anyway causing more hurt.

Answer 2

Be honest about your feelings in move on. You shouldn't drag her along in a marriage you think has no future. Better to get out now before you have kids and feel even more trapped. Good luck!

Answer 3

Well, at least you have realized it before you had children.  I am in a simular situation I am not married but have been in a realtionship 6 years.  we hvae grown apart I am not attracted to him however we have a son together and a house etc and I feel stuck.  I say you only live once.

Answer 4

You FREAK!!! Why the heck did you get married if you dont know how to keep a promise! You're too imature to be in a relastionship.

Answer 5

It's very natural that she be in denial. You're not entirely selfish. If you were, you'd be using her to finish school, knowing all along you'd leave when it was done. You've got just about as much going against this marriage as it's possible to have for two people who aren't evil. Sounds a lot like, for this marriage, divorce would just be a mercy killing. You can't count on a nice clean deal where you explain and she understands and calmly plans how to end it neatly. You just have to work out what you want to do and then do it.  

Answer 6

first off, if you had no desire to even want kids and you knew she did, you should have discussed this before you got married.  second, you can be married and still go to school, I did when I was married to my ex husband.  if she is willing ot work things out and let you go to school, dont you think you owe it ot her to try to work things out as well? I will tell you my story, my now ex husband and I moved down to Texas from Ny after he enlisted itto the Army so we and our daughter who was 2 at the time, could have a better life.  It took him only 3 months of being there for him to cheat on me with a girl that lived with us.  i ended up forgivig him,we had been together for 4 yrs and married for 2 at that point.  A few months later, I found out from his friend he was doing it again with someone else, so I myslef did something stupid anf foolish and cheated on him so he could feel just as bad as me.   We decided that we would work things out even when we found out I was pregnant.  He got sent to Iraq in Dec 05 and he sent me home to Ohio to be with family during my pregnancy.  He came to Ohio in April for the birth of my twins and 2 days after I had them my brother waled in my apartment to find my husband and his( my brothers) girlfriend having s*x.  i have come to realize that my ex husband  never wanted to work things out and basically wanted to live the single life even though he was married.  what exactly is it about your wife that you are no longer attracted to her?  BOTH of you go see a marriage councelor.

Answer 7

sounds to me like you're going through your life trying to figure out who you are.  if so, now may not be the best time to plan for children.  i don't feel like you no longer love her, but you're feeling a bit trapped at the moment. at this point, anything she does/says is going to be unattractive to you.  you need some time and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.  this is where you should be mentally - and she should be just about at the end of her phase.

what you're feeling is very normal.  talk to your wife and let her know that although things are confusing right now, you need her support throughout this change you are going through.  she cannot have a definite answer in terms of your futures together, you cannot commit to any new things right now, and unfortunately, she's going to have to try and understand.

you're growing sweetie - totally normal.  the more you talk about how you're feeling the more likely she will be to support you.

good luck

Answer 8

I would suggest that you divorce her so she can find someone who wants to have children. Don't leave her hanging.