Repost from yesterday with Elaine's help - What do you think?

Question

On this blue Earth

live poets who birth

joy in poetry;

the angels see

what a heart is worth.

On this red Mars

live poets large

words of wonder

songs of splendor

lullaby of stars

Two worlds collide

poets abide

ideals and dreams

riding star beams

live side by side

Answer 1

This reads and sings really well.  I, too, love you phrase "lullaby of stars"

Well done!

Answer 2

I didn't get to read yesterday's post so I'll have to check it out.  However, I like this one with its great imagery and use of rhyme.

Well done.

Answer 3

Taking out extra, unneeded words make all the difference! It reads the same, with more wham! Smoother for the reader to latch onto images, feelings, and meanings...several of those here...

Good on both you gals!!! Teamwork! Also the name of the game!!!

Good Morning!

Answer 4

I like it much better now--"lullaby of stars" is a very poetic expression, as is "riding star beams." You have made this one a success.

Answer 5

This is fantastic!

I missed yesterdays...sorry!

I wish they'd go back to sending notifications. I know I'm missing lots of good stuff!

Answer 6

I do believe I loved it both times, however not the imagery sings rhapsodically, whereas before it was a gentle lullaby, perhaps even your "lullaby of stars." Beautiful, thank you.

Answer 7

I love it...

Combine good poetry with Astronomy, and you just won my heart forever...

(Dinner and movie, Luv?!?  Add Filet Mignon Steak to that recipe, and I'll ask you for your hand in marriage...)

Answer 8

Very nice.  But I liked it yesterday too.  You can still take out extra words here, but in the end does it read any better?  No, in my opinion.  Print and fly it on the star beam.  Just don't hit me on the other beam!