Reunification in about 2 months!?

Question

Iam the foster mom of a 2 month old and i have hed her since birth. She is about to be reunified with her birth father who by hte way lives not even a block from my house. i also have her other 4 siblings in my home whom i have already adopted. first time having to go through so someone please help me and tell me how to deal with this. we have already talked to our children about it. butas the foster parents we are having to struggle with this also. has anyone else had to deal with this? how did you handle it? i feel like i know i'm having a miscarrige and just waiting on that day! please help! serious answers only.

Answer 1

I'm a little lost. You have five children from one family and you have adopted four of them but the father wants the youngest back? How does that work? What do the four think of not being wanted? Why would the court allow the separation of siblings? I couldn't begin to imagine your pain in giving her up, and I have no idea what questions you must face from the other four. All I had was one boy and his sister and they were both given up with no problem.  I feel for you. It's so sad.

Answer 2

Hi! I know exactly how you feel!  We got a little boy who was three at the time.  At first, we talked w/ bio Mom and really were not that impressed, but we bit our tongues and repeatedly told ourselves that reunification IS the goal that we need to stick to.  We ended up sending him back home after more than 1 year with us (not in foster care).  It took her three years to get him back.  We are lucky, we still talk to bio Mom and the little boy.  They have sinced moved out of state, but we are very proud of her as she has made something out of her life and is / has been clean for a very long time.  While this was hard, we also have another one in the house that moved in at the same time this other little one did.  He is currently still with us and this ones outcome will not turn out in his bio Mom's favor...it's a sad thing!  But I would rather see the children grow up in the "best interest of the child" than anything.  It is hard to let go, let it known to dad that if he needs anything - babysitting - time away - etc...that you would love to be a part of both their lives.  It's a kind of family that has such a special bond.  Good luck and kudo's for dad getting his &hit together to get his daughter back.  I know this might be hard to hear...but if you think about it...it shows a lot of love and responsibility on his part.  Good luck and just remember, nothing happens unless it's supposed to!

Answer 3

Wow, my heart goes out to you.  My husband and I are foster parents, and to date, all of our foster children have gone home to a birth parent.  We are always sad to see them leave.  Each time our hearts break.  But, we have to look at the good we have done while they were with us.  Of course, in your situation you probably didn't feel like this child would be leaving.  Why would you think that when you have adopted four siblings?  I'm sure that makes it more difficult.  

Most recently, my husband and I had a newborn that was moved to another home.  The story of why this happened is long and not really the point, but it was so difficult.  Our older foster children didn't understand why she was moved and it made them feel insecure about whether or not they would be moved also.  We were heartbroken because we had been given some indication that adoption might be a possibility.  But, as anyone who has been involved with foster parenting, this is how CYS works at times.  So, we can sympathize with you.

My suggestion would be to be as honest with your children as you can.  Let them know that it is okay to be sad about this and that it is perfectly natural.  Then, if you have a decent relationship with the birth father, let him know you would like to be involved if possible.  (You could offer to baby sit or that type of thing.  This would be good for your children, since they are half-siblings.)  However, check with the case-worker first to make sure this is okay to do.  If you feel uncomfortable talking to the father about it, you could even ask the caseworker if they would be willing to ask for you.  It will be hard to see the child when you were hoping to adopted her, but it may be harder to send her home and never be able to see her again.  

Although this is very difficult, it is part of being a foster parent.  It hurts like heck, I know, but it's all part of the deal.  Please try to enjoy the time that you have with her.  I am pretty sure that if the reunification does not work out they will be contacting you again.  I always tell myself that if I don't hear from them again that the children must be doing well.  That is the most important thing.  Hope this helps, because I know how hard what you are going through is!

Answer 4

it sounds like you're going through alot. I think it takes a great woman to foster a child while the mom/father gets some things taken care of and is able to provide a home down the road. Know that you are doing the right thing. Being raised w/ our first families is important for us, and if safe and secure, its worth it. But that certainly doesn't take away from the ache of knowing that you're going to lose a child you have nurtured and cared for.

Since you live so close is there any way to integrate the families? You know, like open adoption so that she can see your 5 adopted kids, and you can see the baby you're about to return to his/her mother/father? Maybe that would promote an easier transition for all of you?

good luck, it can't be easy, but will be worth it hopefully!

Answer 5

I was the foster mom to a 18 month old boy that we thought we were going to be able to keep and adopt.  Unfortunately, an uncle was found and the little boy was given to him.  It broke my heart.  I cried for days.  All I can tell you is hang on to the ones you have, I clung to my two boys for quite awhile.  You live one day at a time and things get better.  Maybe she will come back for good in the future.  I just hope mine has the best life where ever he is.  It will be hard seeing her around, I didn't have to deal with that.  After that I chose to stop foster care, that was a mistake.  We are now being relicensed.  When I knew my little boy was leaving I started making as many preparations as I could for him to be happy at his new home.  I made sure I wrote down all his likes and dislikes from food to routine.  I also made sure that all his favorite toys were packed when the time came for him to go.  I know it is hard but you are in this for the kids.  At least you gave her the best life you could while you had her.  If you want to talk more, please email me.