Reunion question...?

Question

Are reunions that resulted in the parties deciding not to continue contact considered "failed"?

Answer 1

I don't think so. I met my birth parents 13 years ago and have little or no contact with them now. I feel fulfilled just knowing where they are, how they look, what they're like, and my family history.  

Answer 2

I don't think so, necessarily.  My brother has a 'successful' reunion -- by his definition -- without ongoing contact.

I think it's 'failed' if one or both parties come away worse off...or really, really hurting...or not getting AT ALL what they were looking for...or if the reunion never happens.  By that I mean, if a searching person never reaches the end of the search.  A 'reunion' doesn't have to mean meeting in person...or even direct contact.  I consider myself to be 'reunited' with one sister because she now knows of my existence and has "sent" messages to me (and I to her) via our father.  She grew up not knowing about me, but when I found my father, he told her about me.  She is also an adult and so, as a matter of age rather than divorce or the like, does not live with him.  That worked out better for him (our dad) and it's fine with me.  On my mother's side, everyone has known about me 'forever'.  My sibs grew up knowing of my birth and adoption (perhaps not all the details, but at least the actuality of it all).  We all share close relationships and get together as often as we can.  It would be more if we were not separated by so many miles.

This is just my take on it as a reunited adoptee and sister to 2 adoptees -- one reunited (no ongoing contact), one searching.

Answer 3

I haven't thought about this much.  Off-hand, I would say that a "failed" reunion is one where one (or both) party didn't get what they hoped for.  For instance, if both parties decide not to continue contact, that isn't failure.  Both parties got what they want.  But if one side wants to continue and the other doesn't, that looks more like a "failed" reunion to me.  

Interesting question.

Answer 4

No, I wouldn't consider it 'failed'.  At least the person who wanted the contact could have found out information they were looking for, and this was the reason for not continuing contact.  If questions were answered, it helps the searcher put closure on things.  

Answer 5

No not at all, It's up to the person who thinks they may be better off without that  relationship in their life....bd

Answer 6

I. Just. Don't. Know. The. Answer.

But you know how complicated my story is - hey?!

Reunions are all messy and confusing and amazing and empowering and scarey - and - well - a rollercoaster.

I think that if things aren't satisfactory after some time - you have to make a pros and cons list - work out options - see what you feel you can cope with - and if it all looks extremely pear shaped - bail with your head held high.

Not much help really - am I?!!!!

Hugz.

Answer 7

Not necessarily. Sometimes a reunion is all that's needed to bring closure to both parties.

Depends on how well the reunion went.