Reunited Adoptees:Did your reunion affect your relationship with your adoptive family?

Question

Reunited Adoptees:Did your reunion affect your relationship with your adoptive family?

Answer 1

At first my amom was really really jealous. REALLY JEALOUS. Which pushed us apart for a couple of years. And then she went to therapy, and was asked to read some books, and she one day, accepted it, and woke up from her jealous feelings and we're closer NOW than we've ever been.

She didn't understand what I went through. I can remember her sobbing one day when I walked in and she had been reading Adoption Healing a path to recovery. She was just sobbing. She never wanted to believe that is what I had been going through, but finally it made sense to her, and she accepted it and was able to stop trying to find "what was wrong with me" and just accept me for me. Her acceptance allowed me to grow, and her to grow alot closer.

Answer 2

I think it helped in a way since I wasn't wondering about my biological parents anymore and could just relax and not be so distracted.  Also, my aparents helped me by giving me the court document they had with my original name on it, which helped a lot in my search.  I really appreciated them for helping me out like that.  It was a very loving thing for them to do, since they didn't know how it would turn out, but they knew it really meant a lot to me.

Answer 3

Yes--in a good way.  As Healing said, it actually strengthened my relationship with my a'parents.  

As my a'father recently died, I find it tough to go into detail about this, so please take my word for it.  It helped me grow, and it helped my a'parents understand things I wish I could have explained years earlier.

I'm not in reunion right now; it just didn't work out.  I have still never for a minute regretted my search.

Answer 4

NO, in fact i think it made our relationship stronger. My adoptive parents have always supported me in reuniting with my birth mother. In fact when I was so angry with my birth mother for giving me up. It was my adoptive mom who tried to get me to come to me senses!! They wanted me to respect my birth mother. Sadly she is dead, but i still have a grandma that i'm in contact with. My adoptive parents supported me in finding my grandma when i lost contact with her after my mothers death. Both of my adoptive parents felt that having contact with birth family would be good for me. In reading stories where the adoptive parent didn't support an adoptee's decision to search, it makes me more thankful for having the parents that I have. They still don't understand me at times, but then again what parent really understands their kids be they biological or adoptive!

Thanks for asking,

Answer 5

I have been reunited with my birth family for 6 years now. At first I did not tell my adoptive family about it. My adoptive mother has always had a low self esteem and she takes things the wrong way, so I was afraid to tell them. When I finally did tell them, my father was supportive, but my mother was not..she reacted the way I thought she would. I guess it is hard for her too. It wasn't about her or how she was feeling though, it was about me.

So we don't really talk about it. she always feels like my birth mother is going to take her place and I could go on and on...It didn't really affect our relationship because we never talk about it. She told me not to tell her anything about it and not to mention it. Once in awhile one of my kids will say something about my birth mother and then I hear about it from my dad or mom, but I am not about to tell my kids not to talk about it...as it is they don't really understand it..they are only 7, 3 and 1.

Sorry for blabbing..I was trying to answer your question the best way I could. I think it really depends on the adoptive family and their willingness to accept it and realize that it is an important part of their child.

Karen

Answer 6

it brought us closer

Answer 7

I didn't tell them, so no.

Answer 8

Sadly, my adoptive parents died the year of my reunion, so I never had a chance to talk with them about it.  They knew I was searching, but because of the circumstances of their passing, it was unforseen and we just never had sat down and had a heart-to-heart.  I regret it, even to this day, a decade later.  I'm sure they had some hurt feelings, and probably jealousy, and it kills me to think they left this earth thinking I loved them any less.

Still, reuniting was something that I had to do for my own sake, for my own healing and closure, and the relationships I have with my n-family are also treasures to me.  The bad parts of reunion do not make me wish I hadn't done it; for at least I know the truth; now I can feel whole and feel more at peace.

My a-brothers don't really know much about it, I don't talk about it and they don't ask.  It's a part of my life that's separate from them just like they have parts of their lives that are separate from me.  If they ever did ask, I'd gladly tell them what they want to know, but I don't feel the need to tell them anything at this point.

Answer 9

So far, it has not.  The only blip on the radar was that my youngest adoptive brother, whom I have never spoke to on the phone in my life, called me to talk shortly after my reunion.  He didn't really ask me about it.  It was the most surreal experience I think I have ever had.  We had a nice conversation.  We have never really been close, so it was very, very strange.

Both of my adoptive parents have been very supportive.  Especially my amom.  She was happier for me than maybe even I was.  (I was pretty nervous through most of the first few weeks of reunion.)  My dad hasn't said much, but my dad has never said much about his feelings, so that's not terribly new.  He and I still talk like we always have.

I'm not sure about the rest of my family.  I haven't been home to visit since the reunion.  I'll be going home next month, and I'll have a better sense, then.  

The biggest effect, for me, has been bringing up and trying to deal with old hurts from when I was younger.  Reunion has made me face some things that I have never adequately dealt with in my ambivalence towards my afamily.  I still love them, but things are more jumbled in my own head now.