Revise my letter please?

Question

Dear Mrs. McKee,

My name is Kevin Song and I would like to tell you about myself. I am 13 years old and was born in Houston, Texas. I lived in Houston for about two years then moved to Oklahoma for four years then to Californian which I stayed for about 3 years to see that I had come back to Oklahoma. My favorite place I have lived in was in California because of the beaches, the food, and the city. I still enjoy the rural area of Oklahoma though. I live with my mom, brother, and my dog.

My favorite sports are football, soccer, and basketball but my most favorite is football. My favorite football team is the Texas Longhorns and the Dallas Cowboys. I like the watch t.v. and play sports with my friends. I had just moved houses last year and was able to go to Brink Junior High. I hope to have a fun and successful year in your class.

Sincerely,

Kevin Song

Answer 1

It's OK.  I've made some corrections to your grammar, and put some comments in [  ].  It's pretty simple for 8th grade - I would have thought you were younger, but since English is clearly not your first language, it's good.

Dear Mrs. McKee,

My name is Kevin Song and I would like to tell you about myself. I am 13 years old and was born in Houston, Texas. I lived in Houston for about two years, then moved to Oklahoma for four years, then to California where I stayed for about 3 years [to see that I had come back to Oklahoma - this part doesn't make sense.  What do you mean? "then found out that I had to move back to Oklahoma"?]. My favorite place to live was in California because of the beaches, the food, and the city[which city?  There are lots of cities in California]. I still enjoy the rural area of Oklahoma, though. I live with my mom, brother, and my dog.

My favorite sports are football, soccer, and basketball, especially football. My favorite football teams are the Texas Longhorns and the Dallas Cowboys. I like to watch T.V. and play sports with my friends. I just moved house last year and was able to go to Brink Junior High. I hope to have a fun and successful year in your class.

Answer 2

yeah its a good letter only thing is, i think it might just be a typing error after you spoke about the football you said 'i like the watch t.v' it should be 'i like to watch T.V'  T.V is always done in capital letter for some weird reason. apart from that its really good. if you dont think its enough you could say what you fav band is your fav song and what subjects your intrested in.

Answer 3

If you don';t mind, I'll make a few revisions and create fewer sentences.

I am Kevin Song, 13 years-old. Though I was born in Houston, I've also lived in Oklahoma, California, and am currently back in Oklahoma with my mother, brother and my dog. I enjoyed my time in California, the beaches, the food and the city, but I have also become fond of the wide open spaces found in Oklahoma.

My love for football, playing soccer and basketball in my free time leaves me little time to watch my favorite teams, the Texas Longhorns and the Dallas Cowboys. The spare time i do have I spend watching television and playing sports with my friends.

Since moving last year, and attending Brink Junior High, I hope this year to have even more success in your class.



you need to proofread your orginial work before asking people to read your work. example: I like watch t.v.? I had just moved houses? did you really move the whole house? by yourself?