Revoke Adoption!?

Question

I need help asap. I was forced to give up my child but that is not the case anymore. It was the hardest time of my life. Last week I had to go down to the social services and signed a form to by pass the 30 day waiting period. But when I was in there the lady messed up and later had to send the forms in the mail to sign again. And I have been reading on the internet that she has to be present and so does the attorney. My question is, those forms would have to be no good correct?

Please let me know!

Please leave nice anwsers!

Answer 1

Forget the 'precious gift' garbage.

The BEST thing you can do for this child - is claim her back as your own.

This is YOUR child. NOT the adoptive parents.

As an adoptee - I've been without my mother for 38 years - and I've hurt every day from being separated from her.

Please contact Dory (above) to find help to get your baby back.

You'll need a lawyer - but you CAN DO THIS.

Wishing you all the very best.

Poss. x*x

Answer 2

As an adoptive parent, I beg you - please don't do this to the child or to the adoptive parents.  If the child has been placed with loving parents who can give him/her a better life than you can, how fair is it to anyone involved for you to change your mind?  To leave the child there would be the single greatest thing you could ever do for him/her ever, and I know from experience that the adoptive parents will never, ever stop being grateful to you for the most precious gift you could ever give them.  I've never been in your shoes, and I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but I've been on the other side of the issue.  I have adopted three children, and I tell them that they didn't come from my tummy, but from my heart.  They know they were adopted, and although they don't know all the details, I have never said anything bad about their bio moms, even though the situations for each of them were not good.  There was a time with one of my kids that we had to say goodbye to him, for what we thought was forever, and we were absolutely brokenhearted.  A few months later he came back permanently, and the joy we felt was unimaginable.

Of course, you certainly want to make sure this process is done completely correctly, from a legal standpoint, so check with social services again, with a supervisor if possible.  But please - don't do this to the child or the adoptive parents.  Not that one child can take the place of another, but when the time is right, when you're more ready in every way, and if you're blessed to be able to do so, you'll have another child.  But for now, let it be, and ask God for peace about the issue.

Answer 3

Sadie,

I am truly baffled that you are an adoptive mom, yet you didn't know about revocation periods?

Answer 4

I am an adoptive parent, but if you have not passed the 30 day waiting period, and you know you can support your child, then you need to go talk to a lawyer. The waiting period is there to protect you, the child and yes, the new parents. If our daughter's birthmom wanted her during the 30 days, then we would be required to give her to her and as heartbroken as we would have been, we would have done that for everyone's sake. I wouldnt want to keep a baby and have to explain later in life that we kept her from being raised by her birthmother when she could legally bring her home. I am confused about the "forced to give your child up" as legally that is not possibly if you are her/his birthmom, but I am not here to judge because I do not know what you have been through and I dont need to know. Just do what you think is right for you and your child. If the 30 days is not over, then you can fight . Each state is different. A judge is going to remind you that you had 30 days if you do this after the 30 days, your changes are slim to none that you will be able to take your child home after the 30 days. We stay in contact with our child's birthmom, and see her often. Everyone's situation is different so I wish for you the best.

Answer 5

Honey--get to a lawyer ASAP!  Please do not listen to these selfish adoptive parents.  Just because they CAN'T have their OWN children, doesn't mean you have to give them YOURS.  You're the one who got pregnant, and made this beautiful child in your body--who better to raise it?  

I have a 66 year old birth mother who still says her heart is "broken" because she didn't get to parent me.  And we have been reunited for over 20 years.  These losses do not go away.

You're probably worried about money--how will you make it?  I have learned in my life (I'm 43) that when you do the RIGHT thing, everything will work out in the end.  I promise.  Listen to that inner core that is telling you to KEEP your child.

But you need to HOP on it.  Get an attorney right away.  Home Depot gives you 90 days to change your mind--these policies are designed by agencies to frighten you--don't let them.  Get on it, love!!!!

Answer 6

If the law states that they have to be present or that perhaps you need to have the documents notarized, then that would have to be the case for the documents to be valid.

Contact them & ask them point blank or contact a lawyer and ask him/her the questions to see what needs to be done & what is valid & what is not.

Answer 7

It was great to read some thoughtful, caring posts from adoptive parents who understand that the child's needs come first.  But while there are many responsible adoptive parents, others (as you can see from some of the answers above) are self-centered bullies, desperate to gain possession of a child. I would suggest seeking out more objective advice.

It is clear that you need to find accurate answers for yourself, as quickly as possible. Follow the links given above by Dory and Joy. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

This child is your child.  You conceived and carried this baby.  You ARE the mother.  Someone wanting to raise your child if you cannot is  NOT the same thing as someone taking your child through coercion.  Coersion is common in American adoptions, and it sounds like you were victimized by the system.  I'm sorry.  (And ML, there are many ways women are made to think they "have" to sign consents. Let me know if I can link you to things to be wary of in an adoption situation...in order to be highly ethical and avoid coercion, thus, providing a new family for a child who truly needs one.)

Get a lawyer quickly, call an advocacy group like OriginsUSA, do every thing possible to reclaim your child.

Mothers in the US are not given enough time to consider parenting options and are often "sold" on the idea that other are "better" parents.  Your baby is bonded and imprinted on YOU, not someone else.  

As for those who are discouraging this mother from fighting for her Constitutional rights to parent, shame on you!  SHAME!  How on earth can you be so desperate for a child to raise that you would take one from another mother and cause her a lifetime of grief. If any of you has lost a child to death, consider the added pain of not raising your child AND knowing that child calls someone else "mama."  Grief and loss are real, but to actually contribute to another woman's grief and loss when she is able to parent, that's just wrong.  Wrong wrong wrong.  Adoption is supposed to be for children whose parents are not "fit" by legal definitions; adoption should NOT be about who is "better."

Answer 9

Oh dear, hurry, get your baby back, your baby wants you not to be left with some strangers, and what if they are psycho strangers like Sadie or the first scary adoptomom?

It is always hard on the baby to be away from their moms, it gets harder not easier on the baby, adolescence is v. hard.

Adoptive parents want any old baby, they don't care if its yours or someone elses, most of them don't want your baby at all,  they really want their OWN baby and are settling for a strangers.  This wears on them over the years, because the baby still grows up like its family, not the adoptive family.

A mom friend I have whose child was cruelly taken from her for no reason, wanted me to pass this message to you:

Its [e-mail] or send her to my blog http://aislin13.wordpress.com/. I am currently working with the first poster on yahoo and would love to help this one too. And feel free to give my info to any other mom wanting to revoke. I went through this proccess and while it didn't work for me I now know all the mistakes not to make. It didn't save me or my daughter but the knowledge I gained can help save others I hope. Anyway, if someone could do that I would thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Aislin

Answer 10

I am a birthmother who has found daughter.

Adoption agencys councel pregnant teens on how to give up their baby not how to keep them.

If I only knew then what I know today, If my mother was more supportive, if my boyfriend hadn't been scared of his parents, if only........

I am happy that I found my birthdaughter. She was an adult, 29 years old(2001) when I found her. We have developed a friendship and I cherish it everyday.

Do whatever you can to keep your baby.

Answer 11

I don't have any answers to your question, however, as a potential adoptive parent I am appalled at the other adoptive parents answers.

I understand there are a lot of emotions involved in adoption, and my opinion won't be popular however...

I personally would not want to go through with an adoption with a first mother who was not 100% behind the adoption.  If she had any doubts, and felt pressured in any way, I would make sure she had the time to think through her options.  Because, while I may gain tremendously from her decision, she has so much more to lose.    She alone, will have to live with the decision she makes.

Adoptions fall through every day.  A first mother may decide to parent her child at any time during her pregnancy, and has time, in most states, to "change her mind".  And you know what?  It is totally her choice.  Not mine, not the adoption agencies, and in the case of a minor, not even really her parent's choice.  Hers alone.   To not give her the chance to feel 100% comfortable with the decision is just wrong.

I'm sorry but it is.

Answer 12

ocs screws up your life been there

Answer 13

Yes, move heaven and earth to get your child back!  The best thing for your child is to be with YOU.  I ignore the "move-on honey" c**p.  There is no moving on after losing a child.

Answer 14

Please listen to Dory and Joy. Talk to a lawyer immediately. Write a letter right NOW stating that you are revoking your consent to the adoption and you want your child back. Send it via certified mail to the adoptive parents, the social worker, and anyone else involved.

I lost my child to adoption six years ago, and it was the biggest mistake of my life.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

P.S. Joslind--Um no, we are not all the same person, but some of us do know each other. If you all here have never heard any of the negative side of adoption, then I'd say Yahoo is desperately in need of some balance. Perhaps it's a good thing some of us found our way here.

Answer 15

I think you should call a lawyer and talk about what has happened and see what your rights are.  If you don't you'll always regret not knowing.  As for taking your child back now, it has been with the new parents and they have bonded to the baby.  Make sure you can take care of the infant if you do pursue to get it back.  I don't think you'll be able to, but if it's what you can afford and want, do it.

Answer 16

No one forces you to give away your child...you signed the papers of your own accord.  If you put your child up for adoption, you have changed the lives of a loving couple out there that has waited desperately to give a child a good home.  Please do not waste your time trying to go backwards.  

If you signed the papers in front of that woman, she already has been a witness to your desire to give up your rights...so even if the forms were sent via the mail, she already can testify that you signed your rights away.  The forms would be valid, and your claim to the child is void.  I'm sorry.

You made a very difficult decision...and having some second thoughts and pain is completely understanding...but try to come to terms with your choice, and hold strong to the knowledge that your child will have a better life.

~Hugs~

~Kat

Answer 17

Honey... please... DO NOT LISTEN to these selfish adoptive parents.  

This is YOUR child, and you CAN fight to get her/him back!!  

As an adoptee, I know how much adoption causes pain, I know how difficult it is to deal with.  If you want your child back, please, fight.  

Get a lawyer, check out websites, find your options.  You can fight this!!!

Good luck to you, seriously, I wish I had some concrete options for you, but I am thinking of you.  

Wishing the best for you and YOUR baby!

Answer 18

Please, please PLEASE don't listen to these adopters, that is YOUR CHILD and you have EVERY RIGHT to get him/her back.  

Sorry, but who cares about the baby's adopters?  This is YOUR BABY, if they will be "heartbroken" so what?  YOU gave birth to this child, YOU are this child's mother, YOU are the one person that this child KNOWS AND LOVES.

Get a lawyer, contact Origins USA, contact Aislin at [e-mail] or  her  blog http://aislin13.wordpress.com/

DO IT NOW!!!

YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR FULFILLING THEIR DREAMS OF PARENTHOOD!!!!

Answer 19

I'm not certain of your papers, but please contact a lawyer. Adoption agencies have a sneaky way of delaying until it is too late.  They do it ON PURPOSE!  A lawyer will cut down on the hanky panky and get it done right.

Answer 20

Hey follow your feelings if you really want your child back then let them know that you want your child back. Don't listen to these people telling you that your child might have a better chances with someone else. What if you have  never considered giving your child up for adoption, would it mean that your child won't have any chance in life? no. Then take your child back, don't wait until it is late or else you might end up regretting it. your baby needs you and you need him/ her. Good luck

Answer 21

Your child is not a "gift" that is a load of bs you are told to feel better.  It doesn't.  Your child is your child.  For anyone to tell you differently is just wrong.  Especially when they throw "the aparents can give them so much more".  The people who say this don't know what they are talking about.

Answer 22

I am an adoptive parent.  I hope you go ahead and read on because I want you to know that there are those of us that adopt because we simply feel LEAD to adopt.  

My first adoption experience did not go through because the mother was still pregnant and I just didn't "feel" that she was 100% sure.  She was in her 2nd trimester and I told her to take a couple of weeks to think more about it and then give me a call.  During those weeks I did alot of thinking of my own as well.

She called me at the end of two weeks and said that she felt ready to go through with the adoption.  But by that time, I just didn't know if I could raise a child whose mom fought with the decision with so much uncertainty.   I didn't want my adopted child to ever think that I coerced or "made it too easy" for their birth mom to go through with the adoption.  So I told her that I didn't think I was the right person.  

I honestly thought she would decide to keep her baby.  But a few months later, she called me back.  She was nearing her due date and still wanted to go through the adoption.  I put her in touch with a couple that were childless (I had two children already) and told her she could contact them if she was sure she wanted to go through with it.  

That was about 3 years ago and the little girl is now growing up happily in the adoptive family.  But my conscience can rest that the birthmother was not pressured in any way to make the final decision.  Especially not by ME.  

I'm so sorry you are in this position.  As an adoptive mom I can't imagine the heartbreak the adoptive parents would feel as they realized they would no longer be parents.  HOWEVER, as a biological parent to two children, I also cannot imagine the heartbreak you are going through wondering if you will ever hold your child again.

Don't sign ANYTHING until you talk to someone who is NOT bias and will be straight up with you about the situation you are in.  That means that the social worker may NOT be the one you need to ask.  (And I'm a social worker....so trust me on this one.....there are a million reasons why the SWK'er might lean towards wanting to keep the child in the adoptive family.)  

Please make sure that your decision to keep your child is one that you are making FOREVER. My husband and I finally did adopt.  We adopted a 3 year old boy whose mother had 4 children at the age of 21.  She couldn't feed and take care of all 4 of them....she'd never married and they all had different fathers.  

I am happy she allowed him to live a better life with us (he never had shoes in her care, he was severely malnourished..with rotten teeth as proof, and he spent many hours on his own).

However, having him go through the adoption process at the age of 3 instead of when he was an infant was EXTREMEMLY difficult for him.  He is great now.  But not only did he have to leave his mother at the age of 2....a year later he had to leave his foster mother.  I was his 3rd mom in a 13 month time span.  No kid should have to deal with that.  

I pray everything works out for the best for you and your child.

Answer 23

Having unwillingly surrendered my child to adoption due to pressures of coercion and then having to live with the losses for so many years, I would tell you not to sign those papers.  

I think it is simply wrong that any mother be asked/pressured to sign a form to by pass the 30 day waiting period. Surrender is a life altering and irrevocable decision for a mother and her child.  

I hope that you are able to get help from someone with no interests in the outcomes for the social service agency or potential adoptive parents, who can give you legal advise.

I will be sending all good thoughts that you get your baby back very soon.

Answer 24

Your baby needs you. period.

Remember that these responders who are saying how it's not fair and rating other responses with a thumbs down have themselves profited from the adoption industry.

If the waiver is invalid and you want your baby back, sign the form to revoke your consent NOW.

Your baby isn't a gift for someone else.

Answer 25

Honey, please please please, do not be influenced by aparents fears. This decision is not about them at all. It is about you and your child. Money is not everything, and adoption facilitators and propaghanda can make a mom facing a difficult situation believe she can't do it.

You can.

Losing a child to adoption is a pain that can never be compared to parenting a child for a month and then returning them to their home.

Losing your family to adoption and becoming an adoptee is something that is not always without diffucult emotions for adoptees. (I am an adoptee, it can be very complicated.)

I wish that my mom had had the guts to realize that the people facilitating the adoption at the unwed mother pregnancy home had NO RIGHT to tell her over and over again that adoption was the only loving choice.

Raising your children is also a loving choice. Keeping your family together through thick and thin is also the loving choice. And I gaurantee you that if the adoptive family lost their source of income and went through divorce and wound up having to live in a trailor home and not being able to afford anything fancy for their child, they would STILL keep the child and NOT place the child to "provide a better situation".

Your family is your family. Adoption propaghanda about adoption being the ONLY loving choice for your baby can be very demeaning to parents facing an unplanned pregnancy, not to mention false.

There is no more to say hun, I hope you get that baby back!

Please write to some of the people who have left e-mail addresses and I know that they will try to connect you to more support! Unless you are worried about your child's safety with you, there is no reason to assume that being single, or lower income means that your child needs adoption.

Good luck!

Answer 26

Hmmmmm.......is it possible that many of these posters who are replying are the same person?  I have never seen so many posters call someone "Honey" or "Hun" in my life!  I smell a rotten egg here.  And I have never seen so much negativity on this topic.  Is this a set up to bash adoptive parents?

Answer 27

Ok; my answer is nice.  Please; e-mail me @ [e-mail].  I am sorry; that these adoptive parents aren't aware that the mother has a right to revoke the adoption. If you are these adoptive parents; you need to educate yourself better on adoption. And; I have no respect for an adoptive mother who says you signed your rights away; its to late. My son was loss to adoption; and I am praying that his adoptive mother has better morals.

You have every right to revoke the adoption. E-mail me; I will get you to the right people; who can help you with the forms.  Any adoption loss expert will tell you; the baby is better off with momma. If I knew this 15 years ago; my son would be raised by me; not another woman. I was manipulated out of my son; by people who would benefit from me losing him. Forget that; I will be damned if I sit here; and let them do the same thing to someone else. So; we are all rooting for you; and we will help you in any way we can.

Hugs,

Kell

Ok; so I see people think you had a choice. Hmm; obviously they never been in this position. I didn't have a choice; and I know not any other mother I know; had a choice. So; do not listen to people who benefit from this ugly industry. Adoption; was made to give homelss children homes; our society has turned it in to something it was never intended to be. And; a lot of us have paid the price for that.

Ok; I have to add again. Open adoption; is not legally binding. I have seen to many adoptive parents get insecure; and close the adoption. And; then momma has to wonder if her baby/child is ok. If adoptive parents; were adopting for the right reasons; they wouldn't just close the adoption; and keep the baby/child from their natural parents. And; if you do have open/or direct contact; you are forced to lie to your child. And; then the baby/child grows up believing those lies.  That; is not healthy for any one concerned.

Jessica R is an idiot. Sorry; Jessica but there's apost on my blog for you; a baby is not an "it" E-mail me at [e-mail]; if you need me to show you why a baby is not an "it" Are you an "it"???????

Answer 28

I was told in MD the birthmother has up to 1 year to reverse her desicion in regards to adoption, which is what has shyed us away from adoption.

Why were you forced - are you too young, did your parents make you?

Are you living in a place that doesn't provide the best enviroment for the child?

What ever the reasons are, why have they changed within only a few weeks, and have they truely changed?

These are the things that we do not know, and only YOU can.

Perhaps, after thinking things thru - you can inquire about open adoption, meaning you can still have limited contact with the child forever.

Good luck with what ever you decide to do, but always remember to look for your child's best interests

Answer 29

That first reply makes my head spin. This IS NOT about the adoptive parents - this is about you and your child. The adoptive parents can always get another child - but you can never have another first born. This is your baby and the best thing for your baby is to be with you.

Email me at [e-mail] and I can put you in touch with people who will help.

You have every right to revoke consent!

Answer 30

as an adoptive mother i did not know you could even revoke an adoption...honey IF your child is already adopted you SIGNED YOUR RIGHTS AWAY...there is no going back

i just looked it up i didn't kow the mother had 30 days to revoke...that is a VERY SCARY thought for me as an adoptive mother...listen, i know bad things happen to good people but in alot of case i have seen and been somewhat involved in situations like this can be very ugly....i hope for YOUR SAKE and the CHILDS sake you are ON YOUR FEET AND READY AND WILLING TO DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO GIVE THIS CHILD A LIFE. sometimes the best thing you can do for your child is let them be adopted......my son would have had no life if his biological mother had gotten her way and was able to get him back......it sickens me to think about waht his life would be like it she had him.....just becasue you are the birth parent doesn't mean you are the right person to raise him.

if you can give him what he needs then by all means make a life for you and that child but keep your head on straight because it's not healthy for anyone involved for that child to be passed back and forth like an object IF you can't get yourself together....i do not mean to offend and if i did i am SORRY........i want whats best for that CHILD