Right here right here!! Read my Poetry!!?

Question

Satan would say the earth is his garbage can

He would toss and throw us problems

Janitorial work is not easy for God but he does them all

everytime we pray, day by day on call

He does these work where people cant see

and leaves it a mystery like the bathroom you see sparkling every morning at school

nobody knows him or the place of the equipment and tools

only he who realizes just how life works

like the students who know whats happening behing the school rules

- Athiest that believes in a higher being- im not an expert at poetry but if you can rate and give me some advice that would be great!! Thanks!!

Answer 1

That was really good! I would try to get it to flow a little better, but still i loved it! Great job. 4.99/5

Answer 2

Iike your repetition of the "s" sound in the first line. It has a great sound. I also really like the sound off the fourth line. A little rhyme with no meter is always good in a free form poem. Generally, I like the concept of the poem. My only real criticism is of line three; you start off the line with "janitorial work" which is singular, but then you say "them all" which is plural. The pronoun at the end of the sentence should reflect the singularity of the subject. Other than that, I really liked it. Good job, man. Nice angle on the whole "role of God" thing.

Answer 3

nice write more poetries

Answer 4

good

Answer 5

i'll give you4 1/2 stars cuz dat was really good

Answer 6

good stuff.  4 1/2 stars....  out of 5.

mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 7

I love the idea of god as a janitor, it's intriguing.  I will give you the advice my teacher gives me, cut out all the words you don't need.  My poem you just rated is extreme,y wordy for me, but go look at some of my others if you like.  I'm no expert either, but with rewriting and losing what is not needed to convey your thought, I think this would be a very good and thought provoking poem.  If you do, repost it, I 'd love to see what you do!  Good luck.

Answer 8

i thought it was nice it read easily and yeah.. 9/10 :D

Yay!

Answer 9

I like, the jest of this. I think Cyn, gave you some good tips,

on improvement, I do hope you post it again. Good job, you

are on your way.