Right now I don't know what to do if I want to stay or leave?

Question

I have been struggling with this for a while now and I don't know what to do. My wife and I have been married for 5 yrs but been together for 10 yrs and I have cheated on her twice but she has taken me back and I told her that I was not going to cheat on her again and I have not cheated and that has been 3 almost 4 yrs ago. I am working overseas and it will be a month since I have been here but she has met up with her exboyfriend and she was deny anything was going on and something was telling me that it was and she say it is not. Well she has told me that she was going to break it off once she finally told me and like a fool I said ok and I believe her because that is something that she said she was going to do. Well one day I did not call her for a couple of days and when I did she told me that she wanted to be with me and only me and I ask her was she sure and she said yes she is. I told her that if she wanted to be with me she would have to end her friendship with this dude and she said she was just trust her. So one day I was on the phone with and her cell phone rung and she answer it but she put me on mute and I was puzzle like why did she do that and she came up with this lie that she was on the phone with the light company and I don't believe that at all. She was like you thought it was that guy and I said yes and she was like he has his own ring tone so then I told her well if yall are not talking then erase his number and pretty much she was saying no she was not going to do that. I was on the phone with her the other day and she told me this and I did not bring it up and she said that she broke her friendship off with this dude and I was like ok which I was happy in the inside because that is something that I wanted to here. About two wks ago I call hm and check the call notes and this guy called the house looking for this guy so I ask her bout that and she said that she told me not to call the house at all because they are not messing around but the then I check the call notes the other day and it said I had the wrong password so then I check it again and it say the same thing again. Well this morning down here I called her and ask her bout that and she said that she change it because she did not want any type of confusing going which I did not understand that and she gave me the new password which it don't matter to me at all but I don't understand why she change it unless she is trying to hide something. So she would tell me that she love me before we hang up but she did not say anything about it but I called her back and ask her why she did not say she love she started laugh and she said she could not believe I called her back to ask her that and I could have said it before we hung up. She said she wants to go to marriage counseling and she wants her marriage and she don't want to lose me but I don't know what to do right now. I don't know if I want to stay or leave but I really want to stay but being out here to me it is hard to trust her and I go hm next month and I was going to see what is what between us but until then I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Karma is a byotch, ain't it?  Do the counseling.  It's obvious that if you wrote that much about what's going on, you don't want to leave.  Just do the counseling.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Karma's a *****, ain't it.

Answer 3

WOW...pray, prayer is powerful.

Answer 4

Sounds like she is hiding something, its going to be REALLY hard for you to trust each other, both of you. If you choose to stay then its going to take a lot of effort by both of you. Best of luck.

Answer 5

I only have 2 things to say about your LONG story. What goes around comes around. And 1 more thing. How does it feel huh?? Does it feel good to feel like you can't trust your partner. Thats how your wife felt when you cheated on her. Listen man>>> This relationship will never work. You both have ruined then trust that you had at one time. You both will never trust each other again. HOPEFULLY you've learned something out of this. When you make a commitment with someone, you'll see through it.  

Answer 6

I know that two wrongs don't make a right.  But you have cheated on her 2 times and she took you back, so why not give her a second chance now?  You may not trust her right now, and you may have reason not to, but marriage counseling may help.  Give it a chance when you get home because it sounds like you still want to be with her.  

Answer 7

Sorry to say this but you reap what you sow. Just because she took you back doesn't mean she can ever believe you or trust you again. If she is cheating why can't you forgive her like she forgave you and took you back?   It doesn't have to be the end of your marriage if you don't want it to be. I hope you realize that you seriously had it coming if she is cheating. What ever excuse you used on her turn it around and use it for her cheating on you, how's it feel?

Answer 8

Get your butt to counseling....and you need to sit her down and have a heart to heart talk.... you both have to be honest with each other about the past relationships.... clearing the air will hopefully help both of you regain trust in each-other.... and you are going to need this before you leave....or you are going to go crazy !!!!

Answer 9

Go to the marriage counselor, it will do wonders for both of you. They bring out everything that even you are hiding inside about her. I is a good thing that she brought it up and not you and if you want to be with her, this is the best thing for both of you. Don't forget that you have had two chances, now it is her time to have another chance with you, it is only fair.Good Luck I wish you the best.

Answer 10

I think she should move with you so you can work it out.  

Answer 11

Think about how hard it is for you to be where you are without her.  Now turn it around and think about how hard it is for her too.  I'm not saying ignore what has happened on the phone but don't get too worked up over it.  You need to be face to face with someone before you can know what they really want.  This other person may only be a friend but you have no way to figure that out until you are actually home.  Just try to have pleasant conversations with her and talk about things like in the future and see what is said.  Being apart is very hard on any couple.  Good luck.

Answer 12

Your own Guilt is killing you!!

You cheated on her TWICE!!!!  So that is your fault!!

I cannot believe she took you back after two F***ing times!!  Your a$$ would have been kicked to the curve!

You have a unbelieveable good wife so be grateful for that and Stop being paranoid!!  B/c any other WOMAN would not put up with your sorry cheating A$$!