Ring barer's mom being a b****!

Question

OK, before I became pregnant, I selected my ring bearer, my cousin's son. Now that I found out I'll be having a little boy a little less then 2 months before the wedding I realize I should I have two ring bearers: my cousin's son and my son(my son will be carried down by my husband, but in the program it will state Brian Anthony____, Jr. Ring Bearer".

But when I told my cousin that she said "No! You can't do that! You asked Kole to be the ring bearer and he will be the ONLY one!". I mentioned it was my wedding and she said "Well it's KOLE'S day to be in the spotlight." I pretty much lost it and yelled "You b****! This is my day and MY spotlight!" and she yelled "You had your chance the first time, but that ended in divorce!" I just hung up. Now she called her mom (my aunt)and yelled about me to her, but my aunt wouldn't listen. And now she yelled at her dad(my uncle)and he's calling me a bridezilla. My cousin also called me a w*h**e and said that my son was probably someone else's! My fiance doesn't believe it, but I'm still mad. I try to talk calmly about it with her, but she just gets mad. She's trying to turn the whole family agansit me. Everyone's tried to talk to her, but she doesn't listen.

HELP!

Answer 1

If everyone else knows that she's over-reacting, you shouldn't worry about it. What I don't understand is why you're not listing your 2nd ring bearer in the program, too. Seems to me that would alleviate much of the tension.

Answer 2

I think it's ridiculous to have a 14 month of infant a ring bearer LOL

Boys between the age of 3 and 7 are chosen as ringbearers

So you called her a beetch, she called you a w***e. Sounds like a future Jerry Springer

Answer 3

i too am having 2 ring brearers. my son will be 15 months and my hubbys nephew will be 3 1/2. i am choosing to have his nephew pull a little wagon (with my son in it) down the isle.  

Answer 4

Wow, I would think that your cousin would understand that as you asked her son to be ringbearer before you became pregnant that you didn't realise you'd be having your own son at your wedding. She should be able to understand that situations change, its not like you said he couldn't be ringbearer anymore and he wouldn't care if you did because hes just a child. I don't think theres anything you can do except wait for the situation to calm down and she'll either accept the situation or not let her son be in the wedding, either way its not your fault and I'm sure your family understands.

Answer 5

to be honest..your cousin doesnt have any say in the matter to begin with. do what the person said about putting the ball in her court. it is your day and so what if you had a divorce before.  

Answer 6

A 2-month-old as a ring bearer?  uh....makes absolutely NO sense.

Why would you refer to this person as the "ring bearer" when he can't do the job?  Include the older ring bearer on the program and if you must, include your son on the program as well but don't call him a ring bearer because he's not doing the job.  

Have you thought about what your husband to be is going to do with the infant once he gets down the aisle?  Is he going to continue to hold the baby while you exhange vows??  Or...hand off to someone else?  

  

Answer 7

Tell her this, and only this:

"Sally, I'm sorry if I made you feel that Kole wasn't going to be an important part of the wedding party. I'm so excited that he will be able to participate, and of course he'll get to carry the pillow and he'll be listed in the wedding program. But this wedding is about family, and it's really important that I have my son serve as an honorary ring-bearer along with Kole. If you don't want Kole to participate in the wedding because of this decision, I understand."

Now, the ball is in her court. You've been polite and thoughtful, you've acknowledged that her son is an important part of the wedding, and you've given her an option. But you've also made it clear that your son is a non-negotiable, and she either has to accept that or choose not to participate.

Don't worry about what your aunt and uncle say. That whole family sounds a little unreasonable. As long as you are polite and civil, there's nothing else you can do.  

Answer 8

none of this really happened, did it?  you have just been watching too much jerry springer.  

strictly speaking it is not cool for you to have a tiny newborn at a public wedding on a day like that anyway.  he should be at home quietly napping in his little cradle.  

i am really leaning with your cousin. but as you said so charmingly and sweetly, it is your day.  

Answer 9

She sounds like a huge b***h you should definatly ask her not to attend. You don't want to make a scene in front of everyone. She needs to get over it!! It's your wedding don't have any regrets! and a big F*** U to all the people calling u Jerry Springer and being rude!!!  

Answer 10

Okay first off you are right it is "YOUR DAY" and not your little cousin's..when he grows up he'll have his day and what not. I think that is a great idea to have both your son and your little cousin in it. Just think about your son looking back at your wedding and he was in it! How cool is that? Ppl get so stuck on traditions it gets the worst of them. I say talk to your cousin (calmy and maturely) and simply mention that yes your 2nd cousin will get spotlight as he walks down the aisle ..i mean every does as they walk down the aisle (cuz thats b4 u walk in anyways). I don't see anything wrong with your husband carrying down your new born son. Have your husband walk down first w/ ur new baby then have Kole walk down following behind him (w/ distance b/t them). I have seen weddings with two ring bearers and two flower girls b4! Its up to you cuz its what you want.

Answer 11

well I would do what you want and your son should be in your wedding and if she decides she doesn't want her son in it then it is up to her and she will be the one that looks bad not you especially if you go ahead and put her son's name in the program

Answer 12

Ignore her.  Inform her that her son is still welcome to be a ring bearer with the understanding that your son will be as well--end of story.  If she isn't willing to "share the spotlight" then tell her that her child won't be in the wedding.

Any rational person would understand you giving preference to your own child!

Don't worry about what she thinks or what she says.  She's clearly unhinged and I'd imagine most of your family already knows that.

Answer 13

Sounds like you said all that needed to be said. Just ride the storm out and see how things turn out. Best of luck to you.

Answer 14

Both of you need to grow up.

First, it's your wedding, not hers. Therefore she does not dictate ANYTHING....ignore the demands or tell her politely it's your way or she can remove her son from the bridal party...do not argue.

Secondly....a newborn as a ring bearer.....are you NUTS! he's NOT a doll Tootsie so how is he gonna carry a ring? What silliness.

Sure, have daddy carry him down the aisle after both Mothers are seated, then he can be given to either grandma to hold......a 'binky' and a feeding just before will keep him quiet.

As far as the program, if you want to list him as son of the bride & groom along with the names of the bridal party, the parents, etc, that's fine....but listing him as a ring bearer is dumb.....

However, if you want to go ahead and do such a dumb thing, it's NOT your cousin's place to say how your son is recognised on the program......ignore her as if nothing has happened and continue with your plans.....and please, stop the bickering and name calling...if she wants to indulge in such childish tantrums let her....she'll only end up looking rediculous......and no one in your family with half a pea brain will listen to her whining and stupidity...good luck.

Answer 15

I would be like b**** your son is out of the wedding and you are uninvited this is my day and you are going to ruin it, so ba-bye.

Answer 16

WOAH!  You are BOTH wrong.

Lots of name calling (more on her side than yours) and yelling and screaming.  All of that is uncalled for.

Your son can be in the wedding without being a ring bearer.  Or you can just include him in the photos.  He'll be a NEWBORN!  Anthing can happen with a newborn.  He could be sleeping, or hungry, or just about anything.  He's not going to be bearing the rings... or carrying a ring pillow. He could be an Honorary Ring Bearer... Or A "Best Baby" (like Best Man LOL) or you can make up your own special title.

Your hubby could still carry him.... or maybe whoever is giving you away if you REALLY want him to go down the aisle, but he doesn't need to either.  He's not really going to be a Ring Bearer.  Your cousin did WAY OVER-react.  At the same time you could have been more sensitive.

My son was 10 months old at our wedding.  I wanted to find a way to include him, but ultimately decided that it would be better for him just to be included in the photos.  He sat with an aunt who made sure he behaved and was able to take him out or do whatever needed done if he started to cry.  It was better for all involved.

You both need to apologize for the yelling and the name calling.  Perhaps you can offer the olive branch by asking her to help you come up with some other possible special titles for your son.   You may come up with something you REALLY like even better... and you did ask him first, so you shouldn't demote him altogether.

Answer 17

The 14 month old is too young anyway.  And having a weeks old baby listed as anything is bizarre.

Ring bearers are often nephews or young brothers (although they can also be nieces or sisters) and are generally in the same age range as flower girls, which is to say that they are no younger than about 5 nor older than 10.[14

Answer 18

Ugh...that **** always makes me sooooo mad. My cousin got married last year and almost the same thing happened to her. It was one of the kids moms that got mad at something because her daughter wasn't in the wedding enough or something. It makes me so beyond incredibly mad and I'm not even engaged or anything. It is YOUR wedding. Do what YOU want. She doesn't make any sense saying it's the boys day to be in the spotlight...no, it isn't. It is YOUR day, I don't call that being a bridezilla...I call that being a woman, every woman dreams about her wedding. why have it ruined by a bitchy mom? Don't even worry about what she says, do what you want. She's lucky you're just making 2 instead of taking the other kid out all together.

Answer 19

I would ignore her, you do what you want for your wedding! I wouldn't even let her in on the program listings or anything, you are right, even if it is your second marriage...it's YOUR day! She sounds really selfish and jealous!  

Answer 20

lol

Answer 21

wow sorry to hear that...just slap the c**p out of her..tell her your son is the Ring Bearer and Put HIM in the program and Let your husband walk your son down the Aisle with him and put Jr. Ring Bearer. Tell her you want Kole to be in the Spot light as the Ring Bearer but you also want your son to be a part of your wedding.

Answer 22

Well, there are a couple things to consider. First of all is the question of what your husband will do with your baby son during the ceremony. Second of all is what title to give your son - because honestly, he's not doing any ring-bearing (although the whole ring-bearer thing still makes me think of Frodo, honestly).

At one wedding I went to, the bride wanted all her family's children to be involved - there was a 10-year-old girl who was a junior bridesmaid, then a 6-year-old who was the ring bearer, a 4-year-old who was the flower girl, then two infants. In the end, the ring bearer wound up pulling a little red wagon, all decorated with drapey stuff and bows and flowers in the wedding colors, and the two babies were riding in the wagon, along with whatever held the rings (I think they used black velvet jewelry boxes to prevent the babies from getting into them, and he just handed them the boxes individually at the appropriate time). It was a brief ceremony, and the babies were fed and changed and everything beforehand so they were perfectly quiet, and it didn't really look strange or weird - in fact, it looked really cute.