Rings - how do you tell him?

Question

My good friend and her boyfriend of 7 years (since college) have been talking about getting married. He's definitely the type to ask the parents, buy the ring, get down on one knee.

The question is, she doesn't like diamonds and has a very "funky" style. She'd love him to either design a ring with a jeweler or buy her something totally original. They live in another city and I've only met him a few times, so it's not like I can tell her what she wants.

So, how does she let him know what type of ring she'd like without actually sitting him down and telling him? He's not friends with her good friends (long story - they've moved around a lot) so having her friends mention it isn't really an option. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

First he should know her well enough to know what style of ring to get, but if she is afraid that he is clueless then she should just tell him.  When they are discussing similar subject she should just tell him that she would love and original style ring, and that she really isn't a diamond person.

Now she should also be prepared that he may go traditional and buy a diamond, is she willing to live with that?

I'm also not traditional, but my husband is.  Even though I didn't really want diamonds, my husband picked a diamond solitaire, but with a wrap that had rubies in it (which are my favorite).  The wrap makes my ring look totally unique and I wouldn't trade it for anything.  It was a great compromise so you may want to mention this to your friend.  Maybe he can choose a traditional solitaire with a custom made wrap.

Answer 2

I think that she can just casually say something one day when someone else is wearing a diamond ring like-wow, that is a nice ring for a diamond, but I don't really want a diamond, I want something else. Then it opens up the conversation to discuss further her choices...

Answer 3

I think she should sit him down and tell him.  These people are planning a life together.  They need to be able to talk to each other frankly and openly.

Answer 4

tell em to watch platinum weddings together and she can be like "i want something original and unexpected for my ring like...(insert specs)"

Answer 5

Yeah, I was wishing I'd had an answer to this one - I didn't figure out a way to say "no, please no ring" before he proposed. Since it's just about diamonds, have her "discover" an interesting story about how the diamond companies manipulated social norms, and start a discussion that way. (My fiance and I actually discussed this shortly after we started dating, because it had been on CBC. I apparently wasn't clear enough on the "yeah, I agree that it's horrible that they'd do it, and think that's a good reason not to have one", because he was worried that I'd be upset about getting a sapphire).

And remember, he's not likely to be upset if she makes comments, given that they're already talking about getting married. My fiance used to let me play with his iron ring and tease me about having small fingers, and have me see which fingers it would fit on (I started getting annoyed, but that's only because he kept forgetting how it fit my finger and did it multiple times). She can always jokingly ask him if he's going to get her a ring. Pull it off diva style - "Darling, you know you're going to have to get me a fancy ring. And none of this diamond nonsense, get me something like ______". He'll probably figure out which parts are serious and which are joke.

Answer 6

Has any of their friends gotten engaged recently?  If so, she could say something about how "Jane's" ring is pretty but totally not my style.  Hopefully he'll take the bite and ask what her style is.  Or she can just be upfront.  My husband was happy that i hinted at what kind of ring i wanted.....he wanted to get me a ring that made me happy.

Answer 7

She's going to just need to tell him.  Maybe she can bring it up as a suggestion that since they're talking about getting married, maybe they should think about tokens of engagement to give each other.  It would be nice and thoughtful of her to offer to give him something, too.  Then she could maybe suggest some sort of set that compliments each other, like a ring for her and a watch for him, or something like that.  

Answer 8

She could always bring up the subject or rings by asking what kind of wedding band he would like.  Hopefully, the conversation would progress to an engagement ring.  

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong with her telling him. If they are talking about getting married already, it should be easy enough for her to say, "Look, honey, since we've been talking about marriage, there's something I'd like you to know. I'd hate to see you spend a lot of money on a big diamond someday, so I'd like you to know what kind of rings I like."

If they are close enough to get married, they're close enough to have conversations that they might find awkward. Communication is a-ok.

Answer 10

She can show pics of the styles of rings she prefers, or pull him nicely over to a jewellery store in the mall. Or, just trust that he knows her style after so very long together.

But, to be really honest, if she's waited seven years - I sure wouldn't care WHAT type of ring the guy got me. (well, I wouldn't have waited that long, either...)

Answer 11

if he doesn't know her well enough to know what kind of ring she'd like, then he doesn't know her well enough to marry her.  if he asks for your help then yay, offer your opinion.  she can steer him into a jewelry store at the mall one day maybe and try on some rings 'for fun' in the style she would like, and see if he pays attention.

Answer 12

leave a note or picture of something that she would like you know drop little hints and stuff

Answer 13

Next time they are at the mall together she should steer him towards the engagement ring displays on the outside of the mall jewelry stores and then express polite disgust at the diamonds. She should be totally obvious about it (that she's dropping hints) but I don't think there is anything wrong with a:

"Oh, they all look so typical." or "I would like some colour or something", or  "I think a  ________ gemstone would be pretty/cool, since it's my favourite colour."

Good Luck!