Rizzy is offended, this may be a better explanation?

Question

Scared of losing my husband?

I am in the military and we have been separated from one another for 8 months. I have had his child and taken care of our now four month old solely by myself. I have always imagined having my spouse there for the delivery and upbringing. but he isn't. why? he is in dive school 10 states away. so now I am emotionally withdrawn from him due to my independent nature. I hold his absence against him and always feel depressed when we talk over the phone. which is not like me because I am usually a happy person. I have reached the point where I just don't care. I don't care if he calls or texts, I don't care if he is happy or sad. I am utterly exhausted financially, emotionally, lovingly. What I am asking is how can I put these (in my opinion) traumatic experiences behind me and feel the love that I once had with him, if I simply don't care for him?I have a month and a half until he returns home, and am scared that I will never look at him the same way.

Additional Details

I'm active and he is civilian. Not the other way around.

he complains to me that I am too withdrawn from him, and that I need to show emotion. But I cant figure out how to over the phone, I can only say I love you one way.

He doesnt work, I am providing for him. He isn't a deadbeat or anything but he doesnt know how to stretch my paycheck.

peoples comments are really offending. I am serving in the military, raising a newborn, and financially supporting him. not the other way around. he was supposed to have completed his civilian dive school before I gave birth. he wasn't able to register for the class. He then convinced me that he would fly up here to be with me as I gave birth. (that didnt happen), he promised that he would fly me and her down their and hasn't been able to find a job, so no more income other then my e-4 pay, basically I am fed up with his lies, and the lack of commitment to my daughter. I could care less if he is here for me. In my mind their should be no reason for him to abandon his daughter.

this was a bad idea.

Answer 1

I didn't read your first question.

It sounds like the two of you need to reconnect after you get back together.  Being separated and your husband not following through on his promises has created a rift in your relationship, it sounds like.

It takes two people to make a relationship work.  I would encourage you to give it another chance when the two of you are together again.  Relationships require work, and long distance relationships are really hard.

You sound like an awesome woman - serving in the military, mother, breadwinner for the family.  You have a lot going for you.  Please don't let some people on this forum get under your skin.  Remember, everyone has their opinion, but you are ultimately the one who will decide what is right for you.

Good luck!

Answer 2

The separation has not helped your relationship, nor his unfulfilled promises, but I don't think you can make a true, honest, decision about your relationship until the two of you are back together (6 weeks from now).

See what feelings come back, or don't exist...then you'll know if you're ready to move on.  One person cannot make a relationship work!

Answer 3

Sorry, but it is things like this when you really have to put a lot of effort into a marriage if you want it to work. If he wasn't able to register for the class when he thought he would, why would you hold that against him. Things don't always go the way that we would like them to and it is a part of life. If you truly love him and want your marriage to work you two are going to need to work together on this. You can't let everything that doesn't go the way you planned interfere with your marriage and he shouldn't either. It sounds like it has been rough on both of you this past year. I really think that you two should give it a fresh start, after all each day is a new day. Marriage is not easy, it takes communication, honesty, a willingness to compromise, and most importantly enough love to want to make it work.

BTW-Thank you for serving our country, it takes a lot of courage to do that.

Answer 4

Sounds like you have your head on straight.  Sounds like he needs to get his priorities in order.  You are not the one responsible for doing the work right now.  Sounds like your doing quite enough.  If he's feeling the distance, it's his responsibility to do something about it.

Also, while the additional information was informative, you were clear in your first posting.  People on here jump to their own demented conclusions.  They don't seem to really read the questions.  They seem to enjoy offending themselves.  They did it to me earlier.  Don't worry about them, darling.

Answer 5

You can tell, everyone feels badly now.  I'm sorry for everything negative that was said to you.