Roll Call? Who are you within the adoption "triad"?

Question

No thumbs down please.

There are so many new people here. It might help us understand each other better and our individual points of view. Thanks.

I'm an adoptive mom. We have 5 girls. 2 were adopted into our family. One domestic adoption and one IA Ethiopia adoption. Once our girls are older, we hope to become foster parents.

Answer 1

I am a mother who relinquished my son 12 years ago.

Answer 2

I am a PAP waiting to hear from China.

I am also the daughter of an adoptee in reunion, granddaughter to a birth mom and adoptive mother.

Answer 3

hi, I'm kinda new here too. I'm on the other side, i gave a beautiful baby girl up for adoption at birth as i was in no state to care for her at the time. i know that the parents who have her now are 100% in love with her and i know that ive helped someone fulfill their dream of having a child. i also have family members who have adopted so i think i have a valuble point of view from both sides.  ppl on this site tend to really rip it up you  when you've given a child up, so no nasty comments please. a simple thumbs down will get your point accross.  

Answer 4

I am a parent of 5 children which 3 of them have grown and moved on and are doing very well for themself we have 2 left at home that we are enjoying very much . we decided to adopt and let a child become part of our family only to find out there are plenty of children but the agencies tend to not push for those adopting but will push you to foster i find this alarming due to here alone in our state 1200 children turned 18 without ever being placed i feel our system is failing these children and I'm now letting everyone know there are people willing to adopt its just ashamed there turned away now social workers will argue with you that you can foster and that you are being selfish because instead of adopting you wont foster i feel bad for all the children in the system that because our systems failing they ll never have a loving home to call their own i guess I'm becoming a advocate to put the word out hoping one day i change the system to make it for the best interest of the children now i see why people want to adopt from other countries this is a shame hers a site that explines whats happening to people wanting to adopt

Answer 5

I was adopted myself as an infant and have had, what I consider to be, a wonderful life with my family.  I've had no inclination at all to try to find my biological parents and I don't have either any hostility towards them or a sense of "loss".

I'm the father of one daughter who was adopted "internationally" when my wife and I were living temporarily in India do to work commitments.  She came to us at 8 months old and is now a thriving 15 year old.

I'm also the father of one biological daughter who is now 13 and also doing wonderfully.  

Lastly but certainly not least I am also the father of one daughter who is now 6 months old and was adopted by us at 4 months old after being place with us through a foster to adopt program at 4 days old.  She's north American indian so I guess that makes us all part of a truly multi racial family.  

Answer 6

I am a reunited adoptee with GREAT natural parents and GREAT adoptive parents.  I have a stable, healthy relationship with all of them.

I am a sister to two other adopted siblings (one also reunited, one not but wishing she was) and one born-to-our-parents sibling.  I am a sister to one first father.

I am a best friend to one person adopted at age 5 and her 6 siblings, adopted in infancy.  I am a cousin to 5 adopted cousins (8, including us) and 22 non-adopted cousins.  I am a best friend to 2 first mothers, a friend to many first mothers. I am a cousin to one first mother and one first father.

My natural parents were never married to one another.  Each of them is married to a wonderful person.  I have a relationship with all of my "first-step-parents" (for lack of a better term), too.

I have relationships with all living members of my natural mother's family (MY family -- on my mother's side).

I do not have any relationship with any of my natural father's family except those who entered his life after I re-entered it (i.e. his current wife and my baby half-sister, who is 4 months old).  It's weird to be in my mid 30s and have a 4-month-old sister.  My 'step-mother' is five years older than I am.  :-)

Freckle Face, I love your questions.  I learn so much by reading the answers to these queries that I never would have thought to ask.  You are an inspiration to me!

Answer 7

I am an adoptee, in reunion with my first family for almost 10 years now. I am also a first mother who was forced to relinquish my custodial rights when my son was 3.  

Answer 8

I am a mother whose child was stolen by coercion for adoption over 20 years ago in an unethical system in a country where babies were taken from unwed mothers right at birth and moms not allowed to see or hold them -- our only crime being unwed, young, and without support.

We have reunited and I adopted him back -- thus proving that adoptive families are not universally "forever families" despite the agency advertising.   I am against reproductive exploitation, human rights abuses, coercion, fraud and violence in adoption -- all of which are used against vulnerable mothers in order to get them to surrender their babies for adoption.

I am not against adoption from foster care if it is done correctly but i prefer permanent legal guardianship as an alternative as this does not involve falsifying birth records, changing names, and erasing all legal filiation (who is related to whom) with the original family.  Unfortunately, permanent legal guardianship (which includes full custody rights) is not available in many places and nor is it funded as it should be.

Answer 9

I'm a single adoptive Mom.  I have one son who was born in Guatemala.  I brought him home at 7 months old and he is now almost 4 years old!

Founder of a Parents with Guatemalan Children Adoption Support Group (3 years and running, over 150 members).

My Dad, his brother and sister were adopted domestically and I have a cousin who was adopted from Russia.

I will probably never know my Dad's natural family.

Answer 10

I'm an adoptee given up at birth by the most wonderful person in the world. She could have aborted me, but instead she gave me life.

High five to birth mothers!!!!

Answer 11

I am a birthmother. I gave my daughter up in 1972, we were told she would be adopted immediately, she was not. She wore braces on her legs for several months and then was adopted. I married her father in 1973 (she was 18 months). We have been married 35 years. I have one son who is 30. He was 23 before he knew he had a sister.

Adoption, pretty much scarred me for life. I have never gotten over it. We have been in reunion since 2001. The hardest question she asked me was "why did you keep my brother and not me" She has a good amom. She too has been scarred by adoption.  

Answer 12

I feel like I should do a little cheer like on "Bring It On".

"My name is Lindsey (clap, clap), I adopted 5 siblings (clap, clap), and now I am (clap) a guardian (clap) to their 2 youngest siblings! (whooping and hollering)"

Oh well, it worked in my head.

Answer 13

Former PAP (meaning, we were planning on adopting and have since decided against it).

Hopefully we will be foster parents in the future.

Answer 14

Relinquished at 13 months old.  Adopted at 2 years old in 1966.

Answer 15

I am a mother-to-be and I am hoping to find a loving home for my unborn baby. I know a lot of ppl will think I am being selfish or narrow-minded but I strongly believe that I am in no position to take care of this baby and give him/her the life he/she desrves. so I agree with the others,no nasty replies pls.

Answer 16

I am an adoptive mom. We have 4 kids total. One boy and girl that were adopted and 2 birth girls. We fostered them for 4 years before we were able to adopt. They were my niece and nephew to begin with.  

Answer 17

Adopted at birth.  I was raised by a great family and have never viewed my adoption as a bad thing just my reality.  I recently decided to search for my nfamily.  It took me four decades to learn that finding answers was not a betrayal to the family who raised me.  My daughters are helping me with this journey as they too want to know their heritage. At 43 I'm finally examining how this thing called "adoption" has impacted me.

Mother of three girls 15, 14, 12.  Currently have custody my niece and nephew (14 yr old girl and 7 year boy), and are unsure if they will ever be reunited with their father. My nephew is also an adoptee.

Former social worker in NICU,  maternal child health, and youth counseling.  Recently left the profession and am getting my teaching credential.

Answer 18

I am an adoptive mom. We adopted both of our boys from S. Korea. They are 1 1/2 and 3 yrs old. We hope to start the process in a few years to adopt a "waiting child" with special needs, most likely from Korea as well.

Answer 19

Hm. I keep putting down "who" I am in my Source box, but I guess this question is asking for more specific information.

I am a Taiwanese adoptee. My mom and dad kept all my adoption files, so I was able to contact my Taiwan parents. They do not speak English, so I'm currently learning Mandarin to communicate with them. About 90% of the time they are unable to understand me because of my Canadian accent, but I keep trying anyway. I can write to them, but my Mandarin writing skills and grammar comprehension is extremely limited and "rigid" so it's difficult.

I have been in online contact with them for about 2 years. My sister was born as a result of my adoption because my mother could not keep me.

I'm very happy I have a sister but at the same time I resent her for what she has. It's really a mixed boat of emotions; sometimes I'm really excited to chat with her, other times I feel so disconnected from knowing "who" she really is, and still other times I wish I had never found out about her existence. It varies depending on my mood and the day.

I describe my experiences at http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/

Answer 20

I am a mom of six, 37, 36, 21,19, 17 and 3.

My younger three children, were adopted through foster care.

Answer 21

I was adopted and we adopted a child from South Korea. I also do occasional respite care. Adoption was our first choice as parents.  

Answer 22

I am an adoptive mom, I lost a sister and would be step brother to adoption. Sister-in-law to someone lied to about her adoption. I have many friends who are adopted, some who were lied to and some who weren't.

And hopefully if my husband gets this job, I'll be a future foster parent.

Answer 23

I am an adoptive mom. We adopted a sibling group thru foster care in Ontario Canada. My son and daughter have been with us two years, and are now 4 and 5 years old. My son has Reactive Attachment Disorder and my daughter tested positive at birth for drugs. We send packages of pics and updates to their mother quarterly.

Answer 24

I am not part of the triad, however, I am a mother and a daughter. I have never claimed to know how any member of the triad feels, but adoption, for the most part, breaks my heart. I can not imagine feeling like I had no other option but to give my son away and I want to stop that however I can

ETA: I just want everyone to know that there are so many AP and PAP on here that truely "Get It" and I absoultely respect them. Freckle Face, you are one of them, and there aremany others

Answer 25

I guess people can't resist thumbing people down especially after you asked everyone from refraining to do so, politely. lol.

I'm pro human rights, especially when it concerns children.

I know..I know. It goes against current practices in adoption but someone has to stand up for the rights of others being taken advantage of.  

Answer 26

I AM:

An "almost adoptee".

A foster (to many) and adoptive (to a Vietnamese brother adopted from foster care) sister.

First/Original/Blood/Other/Ohana Mama to two (a boy & a girl). Voluntary Relinquishment, one boy (age 12) one girl (age 10) to infertile "friends" in an "open" adoption which was closed by the APs after finalization of the second adoption. I honestly believed I was helping "create a family" for people I cared about who could not provide themselves with children.

Mother of two amazing elementary school boys who are fully aware of their siblings adoptions. They are full blood to their sister. I have been married to their father for 11 years and am in regular and friendly contact with my ex, who is my oldest's father.

Former GAL (Guardian ad Litem/Court Appointed Child Advocate or "voice of the child") for five + years and active volunteer in several family/child service organizations at present.

Friend and/or "Ohana" to several Adoptees, FPs, APs, SWs and various other people associated or connected to adoption.

Answer 27

I am a Foster mother who is trying to adopt the little one that we have had for more than 2 years!  

We go back to court next month - all say prayers that this little one will finally have some permanency!

Answer 28

I am a second mom to 5. The oldest is my step daughter. We adopted the middle three(girl age4,b2,&g1) through foster care. They all have the same fmom. The youngest is 3months old. He is my sons brother. We are fostering him while his parents are incarcerated and work their case plan.

My husban's mom is a first mom. She placed her first two children 40+ years ago. They are now all in reunion.

I have many other family members that were adopted and that were foster parents.

Answer 29

I am an adoptive mom to an almost three year old girl, who I absolutely adore, even on her worst "terrible two's" day and am waiting for a second placement to go through!

Once our two are older, we are also considering foster parenting.

Answer 30

Mother of three (15, 12, 7).  My youngest two are biological siblings adopted from Liberia a little over two years ago.

I was also a teen mother (for my oldest) so I have some perspective when it comes to crisis pregnancies.  Married just as young to my oldest's father and we've been married 14 years.  Developed secondary infertility, unknown cause (all the more puzzling because we have a biological child) and later chose to adopt.  

I've been a Mother Mentor volunteer, also.

Answer 31

I adopted my son from foster care when he was 2-1/2. That was five years ago.

PS - Heather, you spelled 'testosterone' correctly!  ;)  Get a female dog. That'll help balance out the estrogen and testosterone in your house.