Roommate's boyfriend is here all the time?

Question

I moved in with two other roommates two months ago. Since then, her boyfriend has been living with us. He will be leaving in September, but I recently told my roommate that since he's going, we need to establish rules for him staying over.

I said he can't come and go as he pleases, should not be around without her, and shouldn't be showering here. She objected to everything.

Our lease even states that anybody not on the lease can not occupy our apt. more than three weeks (which he already has). We were helping him out by letting him live here, but now it's over. What do I do? She's not giving me much in the way of options. I don't think I'm being unreasonable, but I simply can't budge on these rules.

Answer 1

I think you're being unreasonable...

It's her house as well and she should be able to have her boyfriend stayover and why are you against him showering there??

Jeez sounds like you should live by yourself..

How would you like it if you were seeing a guy you absolutely loved and wanted to see all the time and your flatmate tried to treat you like a mother and say 'he can't stay over or shower here'

I think you would be frustrated as well.

You sound like one of those flatmates that leave passive agressive notes around to tidy up this or not do that.

I am SO glad I don't have to live with anyone but my fiance.

Answer 2

I don't think you are being unreasonable. He's basically living there for fee. Water that comes out of the shower is not free! I would go to your landlord and tell them about it. Maybe they can give you some pointers or even "unexpectedly" show up while they are and question them.

You do have a contract to uphold and she needs to abide by it. If she doesn't like it she can move out and stay with her boyfriend. At least you tried to compromised. The other people who said you were being unreasonable never had to live with a free loader before like us.

Answer 3

If your name is the main name on the lease, you have more say because you are legally liable and she should not put you and your other roomate in the position possibly being evicted.

If she likes him so much she can move in with him.

Answer 4

You are in a difficult situation. In your position you must be flexible and compromise. However, you do have a right to negotiate some ground rules. Getting what you want has a lot to do with how you ask for it. Sit down with your roommates, both of them, and calmly ask for ways you all can get what you want. Reconsider what you said you can't budge on, throw one on the table that you are willing to compromise on, and ask that your roommate do the same. In your situation, you have to give a little to get a little. When your lease is up, you can move on if you feel the need. The trick now is to make your living situation as bearable as possible. Trying to force your rules on your roommate will only make YOUR life miserable. Be the better person here, it will pay off in the end.

Answer 5

Oh i feel so sorry for u girl! i was in the exact same situation last year...except there were two rommates...No no and ur not being unreasonable, dont even doubt that...Her bf was there 24/7  every day...i tried to talk to her...she simply ignored me, then i went to the landlord and they "made an attempt" to discuss this issue with her and her bf but at the end it turned out they even gave him a spare key from the building and the unit...so it was absolutely hopeless to go and try something else...i tried to contact the Board of Landlord and Tenants, but they seem not to deal with this kind of stuff either. Really, its not anybody's problem but urs and ur best bet here is to peacefully discuss it with ur roommate and try to convince her to be a bit more mature about it. Coz in reality ur both, actually three of u, r paying rent and sharing the utilities and u want to get what u pay for. Whats wrong with that? Its totally selfish and inconsidered to claim ur rights by neglecting other ppl rights. She is the one whos being unreasonable, and some sort of compromise needs to be acheived... like her bf can stay over every other day/night as opposed to everyday or whatever the situation is, but stand up for ur rights girl, dont let her walk over u...and even if ur other roommate is ok with that u still can demand ur basic human rights such as privacy....basically the only way u can make it work is by finding some solution that works for everyone, otherwise ur life can be a h**l..

Good luck with that, hope it works out for u:)

Answer 6

Try to get your other roommate on your side. In no way is it okay for one roommate's boyfriend to be bumming off of all three of you, especially when it violates the terms of the lease. If the management found out, they could kick you all out over it.

If she refuses to cooperate, I would tell her that she has to move out and you and the third roommate will get another person to share the apartment that won't want to violate the lease and put everyone in jeopardy like she has done and may want to do in the future.

Most importantly, you leased the apt. with two other girls and want the freedom to shower and walk around in your undies without fearing that some guy is going to barge in at any moment. You and the other roommate have a right to privacy that you pay for every time you write a rent check. That bf has paid for no such right. I hope he doesn't have his own set of keys or you'll have to get the locks changed.

Answer 7

He should chip in as a 1/3 payment on everything if he is staying there that much.  Then he could stay as much as he wanted, if you wanted to ignore the lease rules that is.

Answer 8

how does your other roommate feel about this

Answer 9

You are being a bit unreasonable. It sounds like you may just be jealous that you don't have someone to be with.

The only thing you really have a say about is about him being there when she isn't. He should definitely not be in your place unless she is there. Also, if you pay for your water bill and it's not a flat fee per month, he shouldn't be permitted to use the shower regularly, either.

You can't expect people not to have their significant others spend the night occasionally, and when they visit, you can't expect them to stay in the room the whole time.

Suck it up!

Answer 10

You aren't being unreasonable. Tell your room mate that you understand she has a life and that you're not trying to interfere with it, but that she needs to respect the contract you BOTH entered into. If she violated the lease, go straight to the landlord. If she leaves him at your place while she's gone, tell him to leave. If he doesn't then call the police. You shouln't have to be bullied in your own home.

**Edit, I think the other users have their knickers in a knot because they think you don't want him visiting at all. If that's the case, by all means try to find a solution that works for both of you. But he should not be sleeping there more than once a week. Showering once a week isn't really all that unreasonable provided that he respects you, your property, and your privacy.

Answer 11

who is paying for the extra elect. water.food..soda.toilet paper..laundry soap ?.....roommates share..i can see why you do not want to "help him out"

Answer 12

Michelle,

I feel for you. It sounds like you aren't being forceful enough with your message. I have two things you could do about it, but they would make you seem uncool.

1. Talk to her parents. Boy let her Dad catch him there and it's 'whammo'... goodbye boyfriend.

2. Talk to landlord. He will definitely catch him there and... "busted"!!

Both have to be done without your roommate finding out or UH OH!!!