Rough problems with step-daughter......?

Question

I'm not far from having my first children, but my nine-year old step daughter isn't happy about it.

I've tried to talk to her about it, but whenever we get close to the subject of the babies, she clams up and goes to find something else to do.

How can I get her to talk to me about this without making things worse?

Answer 1

one thing you could do is ask her how she feels about the new baby coming, get her opinion. how she feels might not be the nicest thing but at least you will know and maybe change things so she feels better about it. she might be a little upset or even jealous because daddy will be busy with the new baby. when baby comes be sure to give her just as much attention as the baby. of course the baby will call for way more attention but do give you step daughter attention and love. involve her in helping with the baby. be sure daddy does the same thing!  and talk to her dad about this. very important! Hope things work out for you! Good luck!

Answer 2

Wait till the baby comes and she might just get over it. If the baby is a girl then she might think the baby will take her place. And she will have to learn to deal with it, because the baby will be a part of her life.

Answer 3

Write her a note. Or take her with you to an appointment. Explain to her that you can't do this without her help, and that she's just as important as you are to this baby. Ask her to help pack your hospital bag. Buy a present "from" the baby to her and give it to her when she visits the hospital, She is most likely jealous of her father paying you so much attention, and feels that the baby will just make it worse. Take her out, for just a you and her special time and don't mention the baby at all. She needs to know that regardless of the baby, she is still very special and wanted in the family.

Answer 4

I also have a step-daughter (15) and when I had my first she was 13. But she was the one pushing us to have a baby so were not in the same kind of situation, but I have a few ideas.

Right her a note telling how you feel.

Make sure she knows that she will still get to have the one-on-one time with you and your husband.

Ask her to help you choose the name or tell her she can pick the middle name.

Ask her to help you pick some clothes out for the baby.

Just try to get her involved in some of the choices regaurding the baby. Maybe that's all she wants. She may feel like when the baby comes, that she won't get anymore attention. Or that she wants to get involved too. I don't know but I wish you and your family the best of luck.

Answer 5

She feels threatened about her place in the family if new members are introduced. She needs to know that love does not divide, it multiplies.

Find a non-threatening place to casually talk about how much you both love her, and that nothing or no one would ever make you love her less. My favorite place for these talks was in the car, so we weren't looking at each other. Then you can move on to your plan to have children. Ask her how she feels about it, again, in the car she can't walk away from the conversation. Try not to mention her involvement, such as babysitting, only that you have plenty of love to go around.

If her parents are divorced, then new babies in Dad's second family means there is no chance of her parents getting back together. That may be an underlying problem, even if she does not realize it.