Rude in-laws at cookout?

Question

So, I had a big cookout at my house, and invited all of my in-laws. They wouldn't eat my food. They all ate the hamburgers but wouldn't touch any of the sides (potato salad and baked beans). They did the same thing to me at Thanksgiving - they ate all the turkey but nothing else.

It really hurt my feelings - I spent all day working on a special meal for them and was worried I wouldn't have enough, etc. My hubby even offered my father-in-law some potato salad and he snapped, "I don't want none of that!"

They only do this to me specifically. When they go other places they eat everything. And at home they eat everything.

I'm young but my food isn't bad - I think I am a good cook, actually.

It just really hurt my feelings. Should I have my hubby say something? I hate to just stop inviting them because they are family...

Answer 1

Being that I am a very vindictive woman, I would do one of the following (or  all at separate times or in various combinations)

1.  Have a HUGE party, and make sure to invite people your in-laws know, and not the in-laws.  Cook extra amazing food, so all their friends RAVE about how great it was.

2. Have a meatless BBQ.  Serve veggie burgers, tofu dogs, and LOTS of side dishes.

3. Have a pot luck, and tell them to bring the side dishes. If they ask why, simply mention that they won't eat yours, so you thought maybe they should bring their own.

4. Casually ask "Do you have food allergies/dietary restrictions I am unaware of?  I have noticed you eat the main course *which is simply meat, no ingredients to pour over* but not the side dishes.  If you would like, I can make lists for you to make sure it's safe for you to eat.  

That should put them on the spot.

And don't forget to tell hubby that they need a good, stern, talking to.  Bet your rear end if my in-laws acted that way, there would be h**l to pay.

Answer 2

Ask them ahead of time what they want to eat.  It is that easy.  I do it every time because I hate to cook anyway.

With hamburgers, just maybe have chips and dip.  A good dip is one that you make with sour cream, shreaded cheddar cheese, Bacos, and dry ranch dressing.  yum.

And the chips, have the dip style and the regular style that do not have ridges, I hate those.(place smile here )

But, ask them.

It works.

Answer 3

Next time, make it potluck.  Then see how much they eat.

You probably are a very good cook, but some people get stuck on dishes prepared a certain way and are reluctant to try new versions of the same old stuff they've been eating for years.  I ran into that problem too, with my in-laws, and finally after 23 years they eat my food .... and love it.  Go figure.  My father in law even comments that he can't believe he's been missing out for all these years.

If you make your get togethers potluck, it's less work and stress for you.

Answer 4

It sounds like they have some type of issue problems.  Of course you are hurt and need to speak to someone about it.  I don't know what type of relationship you have with them or any closeness.  If you don't feel comfortable, have your husband talk to his parents.  Maybe your "style" of cooking is different than they are use to?  Try asking your mother-in-law for some of her recipes (butter her up) and then see what they do with that.  Remember, they are just in-laws and you need to please your husband first.  You must continue to invite them, but don't put yourself way out for them and do what you feel comfortable cooking and let them starve!

Answer 5

Well they are rude, don't feed into their ignorance.  In fact don't let what they are doing affect you in anyway.  They have their own issues and they probably know that you feel bad and that is why they continue to do it.  Just make less food but don't let them aggravate you and make you feel bad because of their own issues.  It's not you it's them.  Now that you know they don't eat it don't spend so much time trying to impress them.  Be yourself and if they like you fine if not then they can go kick rocks what matters is your relationship with your husband.

Answer 6

Honestly tell them that your having a pitch in and have them bring their own side - dishes. I am mad for you because all that work for nothing!  

Answer 7

Once,I got food poisoning from a Mexican dish called menudo(men - oo - doe)it's a soup with beef tripe and white hominy,but we were visiting one of my sisters in law and guess what she made?

My mom gave me the "EAT IT' look and since she had worked on it all day long,I ate a bowl of it. I puked it out later. But even if you DON'T like it,at least show some consideration for the effort and work that went into making the meal.

Eat at least half of a helping.

Answer 8

First of all, do share your concern with your husband since these in-laws are his blood relatives.  Perhaps he can find out for you just why his family snubs you in this petty way.  Once the air is clear you'll know what to do.

Answer 9

Just call them up a few weeks before the next family gathering and ask what side dishes they eat. This will make them discuss the issue.

If only your in-laws are invited over, don't really have a main dish, just have a bunch of sides. You can call it a light lunch.

Answer 10

Well when I go to my in-laws homes, I don't eat a lot of things they have because I am a very picky eater, and I don't like what they have. So i just say thank you, but I already ate, or just eat what I do like. for example... i wouldn't have had the potato salad or baked beans either, because I don't like it, but i would have had the hamburger. My husband has explained this to them and they always try to find something that I do like, or don't take offense when I don't eat their beans or something. But considering that it is an entire family that doesn't eat the same thing... maybe you should talk to your husband about it, and have him ask them (the next time you invite them) what they would like you to cook, so you make sure they do like the food you have. Sorry, and good luck!

Answer 11

definitely have your fiance or husband say something or even do it yourself to make the impact even bigger tell them exactly how you feel they don't have the right to do that to you.

Answer 12

Answer is quite simple, no invite again, if they do not eat, what is put in front of them, the readers digest, had an article about "picky children", and this very thing came up, the answer was to tell the children that the host spent time preparing this food, and it would be rude to refuse it, even if it was not the food they normally ate, this was to be applied to them, by the parents, before they came, since the parents in law are the childish ones here, then you have to take the matter into your own hands, your husband seems to be a wimp, if he will not be told, by you that this is not fair behaviour, then you say something, to them, if not, you will always find yourself as the under dog at all social gatherings,

You are being weak, and they know it, they are just like a person who fails at everything they do in a marriage.

Sooner or later the "strong" one takes over, and does the chores, like the cooking because the weaker one is no good at it, or the laundry, same reason, or even making the tea, the weaker one becomes dominant, because they then have the power and misuse it, to do even less, this is called failing to take responsibility, they must be made to face the fact that you are not going to be taken in by them, and become a run around for their every desire, because if you do not, then they will have you cooking every thing they like their way, and sit on their butts and do nothing, do not let this happen, you are becoming a domestic, not a wife....

I am sorry but you must assert yourself, it is frightening but it must be done, you as a woman are the "de facto" ( in practise, and reality ! ), house head, if you are not in charge of your own home because they will not be polite to you, you face a life as their slave, and your husbands....put a stop to it now, or face the consequences.

Try to divide and conquer, if need be, talk to one of them at a time, in the kitchen, and tell them you are not going to go on doing this if no one eats it, I am pretty certain that you will find this gang of  "moochers" will change their behaviour, if they think that you mean what you say, and the freeloading , at your expense, will come to an end./

It is only because your husband is letting this happen, ( it does seem that he has little respect for you either, if he lets this go on, no decent man I know, allows his mother and father to treat his wife this way, if he is a grown man, he makes his own decisions, and having made the one to marry, lets no one decide what his wife is allowed to do, or must do ), and they are not being told, by YOU, that this is ongoing, they see you as a servant, in your own home, change it now, or get a husband who understands that you are there, as an equal partner, in  marriage, not as a housegirl, or maid, and what they are doing is offensive to you, this shows no respect, and if he will not realise that his responsibilituies lie with his new family first, and last, then he should go....