Running off to get married without telling anyone and then coming back and throwing a just got married party?

Question

Is this a good or bad idea? Know one even knows that we are engaged. I just don't want to put up with all the drama that comes along with a wedding. And I don't have very much money but atleast this way we can run off to some where beautiful and just tie the knot, just me and him. When we'd come back I'd tell people and I'd want to just have a party to celebrate the marriage with both of our families invited. What do you think? Are there any drawbacks to this?

Answer 1

My grand parents did that. Just them and he witnesses required. My parents did it a little bigger Just the immediate family There were them and 6 people (my my brother and our partners and my two nephews) Then they sent out the cards that they were married

Some people frowned Most thought it was fun and a hoot. Quite a few confided that they wished they'd done it that way.

The drawback is possibly parents that may be offended. Or friends that had had their heart on being your bridesmaids. But really if it feels as the right move for you then by all means do it After all you are getting married for you and your mate not for your parents etc.

Answer 2

Ricardo has it right! The actual ceremony costs so little and if you throw yourselves a party upon your return, it doesn't just "look" lile a gift grab - it IS a gift grab and very "cheezy". If you want to elope, go for it but it is up to your friends and family to throw you a celebratory party. If you have limited funds, why not just have a great house party, tell family it is a birthday party or new job party or Thanksgiving dinner, etc., hire an officiant, when they arrive tell them you didn't want a big fancy wedding but would not consider getting married without them there to share your love. Have the marriage performed, have fun, then take off on a romantic honeymoon! When you return you'll probably have gifts waiting for you and a lot of love and appreciation from your friends and family and NOT hurt feelings!! I mean, for heavens sakes, you plan on having a party anyway so why would you want to hurt the people who love you the most by denying them this joyful occasion?!!

Answer 3

The main drawback is forever ruining your relationship with your future in-laws and your own parents. They will be hurt, upset and eventually it will turn to anger against the their new daughter or son in-law once they need someone to blame. Don't do it. Any minister or priest will tell you that a wedding is about a commitment being witnessed by friends and family and not just a day about the two of you.

Answer 4

Sounds wonderful. Go for it.

Answer 5

It really depends on how bent out of shape you think yours or his parents will be. You don't want the drama of a wedding, but you might incite some drama of parents or other family getting hurt because they wanted to be at a wedding. If nobodies going to get pissed, I think it'd be a hoot! And the better you can keep the secret the more fun you'll have at the party.

Answer 6

Wow, so many people are saying that a marriage is just between you and your SO. Personally, I don't believe this. Not only is a marriage the joining of two people in love, but it's also the joining of two families. As a very family oriented person myself, I'd be devastated if at least some of my family couldn't participate in such a special day, and I also know that they'd be pretty disappointed if I'd left them out. Honestly, you'd probably have more drama if you ran off to get married than if you'd had something small and intimate with immediate family only (this can be done on a small budget and in a beautiful setting).

Just my opinion!

Answer 7

i love your idea.

will it break your families' hearts that you did this?  that is what i could not do.

Answer 8

GO FOR IT!!!!!! It's a day for the two of you and it should go however you want it to!!!!

CONGRATS!!!!

Answer 9

The biggest drawback of this plan is how it affects your parents. The sister of some long time friends eloped and her mother was just devastated.  She didn't care that her daughter just wanted to up and marry, but she wanted to be present when it happened.  She would have happily have flown on a moments notice to Vegas.  It very negatively affected their relationship after that.  My parents couldn't give two hoots; they made that very clear some years ago.  However, my guy's mom wants to be there (she was there for his other 3 marriages as well).

Answer 10

I think your's and his parents will get upset at this because marriage is a pretty big deal and not telling anyone about the engagement and then getting married without involving the parents would probably make them pretty upset, but, whatever congrats on the engagement and do what you want.

Answer 11

oh my god that sounds amazing. go for it and good luck

Answer 12

if ur not ready to ball up & tell ppl that ur engaged, ur not ready 4 marriage. tell ppl 1st, especially family. then worry about details l8r. my 1st hubby and i eloped. well that's kinda why he's my 1st hubby...

Answer 13

I say go for it!  I am engaged and made the big mistake of telling family (just so they wouldn't be in the dark) and now my sister (along with my mom) has gone all "commando" and is trying to take over the guest list.  Our wedding is not until next summer but everyday I am thinking about going to Turks and Caicos and making it official without any family members!

Answer 14

Well, marriage is between you and your significant other.  Do whatever makes you guys happy.  If you feel you two want to do this then go for it.  It's life.  You only get one.

Congratulations and best wishes.

Oh, but make sure YOU two are the ones throwing the party and not expecting someone else to do it for you.  People might not appreciate that with no word ahead of time.

Answer 15

The only drawback is the people you actually care about won't be there to celebrate the most important part with you.  But since you would be obligated to invite all those second cousins and friends and coworkers you aren't particularly interested in having there in the first place, I can understand why you would want to elope.

On the other hand, the part that causes the most stress in wedding planning is the reception, and thats the part your still planning on having, so you might not be spared all the "wedding drama".  You will just not have to deal with it while wearing a wedding dress.

Answer 16

that's what eloping really means. I say go for it!

edit: wow. so many people againist elopement?

That's crazy. A marriage is between you & your spouse & God (if you believe in him), no one else.

Some people don't like to get in front of people, some people like to keep it quiet, and as for the party... throw it afterwards (yourself). I know A LOT of people who elope and then have their reception party back home and the guests love it. I mean, it's your wedding and I personally wouldn't do it, but if it is great for you guys then do it.

But I do agree you should tell them your engaged, if you are afraid of telling them you are engaged then that's not a good sign. But if you are wanting to keep it a surprise and just shock everyone that's perfect.

Don't worry about all the thumbs down people are giving to people saying 'go for it' its your wedding and who cares about the other people! =) Enjoy and congratulations. I hope you and your spouse will be very happy together.

Answer 17

The only drawback is that people may think that the party is a way of asking for gifts without allowing them the honor of watching the ceremony.

If your family will not be crushed by not being invited then go ahead.  I don't know your family but I know mine would have been crushed if I did not include them.

This does not mean you have to have a big ceremonious wedding.  You could just tell everybody that you are going to have a quick little ceremony at such and such a place and they can come if they'd like.  Nothing formal and then maybe you'll have a celebration party when you get back from the honeymoon.

Answer 18

If you are going to make a party anyway, then why not have a ceremony with the party afterwards?  Your families will think they were not good enough to be at your wedding, but now you are making a party for the presents.  You sound a bit immature.  You want to make a party, so make a party without all the "drama" of a wedding.  You can have a very simple party without bridesmaids, without colors, flowers, etc., and just have a simple party and let your family attend your wedding.  Grow up and Wake up and SMELL the COFFEE