SAH 'traditional' women can be left in an awkward situation if they are completely reliant on their husbands?

Question

“and their husbands leave them”

“in the event of a divorce. If this were to happen such women would be left on the streets with nothing”.

“SAHM's DON'T get any money to buy things for themselves or the house unless they practically BEG the guy for the money... and then the guy tells her what he wants her to do first.... NO, women these days NEED to work because the men only want want want... and won't give anything in return”

I am truly shocked at ‘these’ things!! Are you?

Answer 1

I don't know what SAH means, but I do know my great-grandmother's story. Mother of two children, pregnant with the third when suddenly widowed. Practically lived on charity bringing up her children. It's a common story. A good neighbor of mine took care of his family, wife who didn't work, and four children. Worked for a good company. But the thoughtless man died of a brain tumor just months short of completing the number of years to secure his pension rights. Sorry, the company said, but they did give back what he had paid into the pension fund. But nothing more. All around you are stories of women left without resources, whether the husband deliberately left, or other unforseeable circumstances. Everyone needs skills to support themselves.

Answer 2

You forget that most women have friends and family that will take them in for the short while it takes to get a job and apartment. That's the most common misconception about SAHM. They aren't totally dependant on their husbands, they have family most of the time, but if they didn't, most have husbands who love their children enough to not want them to be on the streets.

EDIT @ CQ: I will pray for your [future] husband, he's gonna need it.

Answer 3

I am now a stay at home mum which at first i found difficult as id always had my own money coming in. Then suddenly i needed to ask for money which is never a problem and my husband does give but he usually asks why which is sometimes annoying when i dont really need to buy anything, i just want a bit of money in my purse if im going into town with my kids.

If my husband and i split up i wouldnt have a clue what to do, he pays all the bills including our mortgage, he deals with all the phone calls and if anything goes wrong as far as paying bills and so on.

I honestly wouldnt know where to start!

Answer 4

Exactly. So why are women so interested in getting married with all these pitfalls waiting for them? All the 'inequality of role' as prominent feminists complain.  WHY DO YOU WANT SO MUCH TO GET MARRIED THEN?

Answer 5

Which is exactly why I'm putting myself through school and have "us military service" on my resume. I'm not going to rely on anyone else ever again.

Answer 6

I think some of those views are very extreme-- some families that have a SAHM view the money that comes in as both their money-- sort of like he's paying her to care for the house and family.  If the view is that the money is not strictly HIS money, then the financial aspect should not be a problem.  She won't be "begging" for money since its her money too.

However, for the first comment, to a degree I agree.  But I also agree because I've seen it happen.  If a woman (or man, if he's the stay at home parent) has no past outside experience, no schooling, and no idea of a career outside the home, becomes a SAHP, they are putting themselves at risk.  If they should get divorced (which does happen), then they do not have the means to properly support themselves.  This doesn't mean they'll be out on the streets (whoever said that was ridiculous), but it does mean they may have a very difficult time supporting themselves and stuck in jobs they would never want to be in.

IF a SAHP has a degree or past experience in a career before they become a parent, then this isn't as much of a problem.  But for me, I have to go to school, get (several) degrees, and have a career to make my own money.  My mother suffered through something like what I said above.  I will never put myself in that situation and I would never leave myself at the mercy of a man (which is what you're doing if you don't take the necessary precautions).  

Answer 7

I'm not so much shocked as I am annoyed. It's true that SAH women can be left in an awkward situation if they get divorced. Even if the woman gets the house, the car, etc. in most cases she'll still need to work to provide for herself. And if she's always stayed at home she won't have the job skills necessary to do that. Though in my opinion, that should never happen.

Women need to be self-reliant. Not because men are greedy or whatever but because we are adults and all adults should be able to take care of themselves. Not that I have anything against SAHMs. In fact, I am one and while I rely on my husband financially right now I don't intend to do so for the rest of my life. I don't see why any woman would.

Answer 8

One poster says that housewives get nothing for their work. I imagine she views a happy family and healthy kids as nothing"? This is, in my opinion, a very anti-male perspective. To women with this view, work comes before family. To suggest that SAHM's are one way as opposed to another way is just plain wrong.

For the feminist, it's somehow wrong that a man works hard to provide for his family while his wife nurtures the kids, takes care of the home, makes appointments, and provides a caring environment.

Feminists lessen the work of women instead of valuing it.

Answer 9

I am shocked. I am completely self reliant. I have had to be since my ex dumped me and left me to bring up our daughter alone. I will never let a man keep me like that. I would get a part time job to make money for buying myself things. Some women like to live off a man so that they can sit around and do nothing all day. I am sorry but i could never allow myself to do that. I think that women who do live off a man are just lazy.

Answer 10

I'm a stay at home mom and I don't have that problem; as a matter of fact, my husband took me out shopping today and bought me some clothes. Then, you know what else he did? Why that cute little dickens took me out to lunch; now, I'm no great shakes at eating outside, so it was a very nice and loving gesture, and after that we went for some fresh fruit and vegetable shopping; that's right just the two of us together.  Now about that working thing, well, I have me some skills underneath my belt and I'm a dab hand at writing and I'm in the process now of looking for some on line creative writing courses. Well, not to be a braggart I just published my very first book.  I'm going to put it up on as many places as I can so that it gets exposed. You know get it out there on the market. So, I'm working with my strengths.

Answer 11

Not all SAHMs are lacking life/work skills.

Many of them have degrees and have worked jobs for several years before having children.

My future SIL is a SAHM and an (Army) Officer's Wife.  She has a degree, has worked full time jobs, and she handles all of the finances.  She doesn't have to beg for money.. he has to bring her receipts when he spends so she can keep everything balanced.

If they were to divorce.. she'd do fine, she wouldn't be "out in the streets"

And do the lady that said that SAHM's are "lazy" ... it just sounds like you are bitter because you'd like to stay at home.  I know a lot of people (women and men alike) that are lazy but work because they have to have the income.

Answer 12

I think the issue of financial independence is something every woman needs to consider before she becomes a homemaker or SAHM. If the husband dies or if the couple divorce, then it could be difficult for her to support the family on her own. This is why I believe in getting an education and work experience before you get married if you can - I plan to stay at home after I get married, but I would also be able to work from home and provide an income if I needed to. It's definitely something to think about, but those comments - especially the last one about SAHM's having to beg their husbands for money - are just bitter rantings.  

Answer 13

This has indeed happened to a LOT of women. Staying at home wasn't fundamentally the problem for them, but most of them didn't have any assets in their name only, and a significant amount hadn't been established in any field beforehand.

Answer 14

People forget a lot of women run business's from home, and do well

also most couples have joint accounts, joint savings, even joint spending accounts for disposable income

Answer 15

Why are you shocked? The second quote sounds like mine. As I recall, it was to do with problems when women are financially dependent upon their spouses. (I could be wrong, as you haven't bothered to provide a link.)

It's just common sense that if everything is in a man's name (house etc.) and a woman is a SAHM with no work skills, if the couple divorce and no alimony is provided that the wife would have no home, no assets and not much ability to obtain a house and assets. (Especially if she has been a SAHM for several years and is approaching retirement age.)

Answer 16

SAH women are generally lazy leeches who have no self respect, confidence or intelligence.  If their husband leaves them (and with nothing) they have only themsleves to blame for not being financially independent right from the start.

Children benefit very much from having a mother who works, even part time.  It teaches them some very good core life values and helps them to appreciate their parents a lot more in later life.

Answer 17

Here's my view on "housewives" or "househusbands": It sucks.  I look at it like this: In exchange for room and board, you are offering a cleaning and childcare service. You can slap a wedding ring on it if you want to, but it is what it is.  I'm not against SAHP's, provided that they are generating some kind of income from home.  How pathetic is it to have go to your husband and ask him for money to buy clothes or do your hair?  You're basically one of the children.

And I'm really tired of all the self-righteous "I stay home with my kids because I love them, and you're just bitter."  Right, because nothing excites me more than the prospect of having to stay home, clean all day (especially after a grown-a$$ man), only to feel utterly useless when my kids are old enough to go to school and leave home.  Yep, those years in high school and college would've really done me some good, right?

And to whoever said that some women have family that could take them in: Right, because your kids will respect the fact that Mommy couldn't hold it down long enough to get her life together and save some money.  I'm sure your kids would love having to sleep five to a bed while Mommy either learns some life skills or finds some rich sap to carry her again.  Ewww...

*braces self for barrage of thumbs-down*

Answer 18

Yes I am just as shocked as you are. I think that is why many women don't want to be housewives because in the end they get nothing for their work. A lot of women also don't want to beg for anything.

Answer 19

Women have many safety-nets in society, from government to private sector. Feminists want you to believe that a divorced woman lives in some squat like in 1800's London begging for scraps. Whoever wrote that has a hateful view of men, in my opinion.

Even feminists are waking up to the fact than feminism has denigrated men for too long.

Enough!