SAHM's - what do you expect your husband to do around the home?

Question

and it terms of childcare? Do you find it is always assumed that whenever you go anywhere, even on weekends, it is assumed that you will be doing the majority of the childcare? Do you find that your husband brings up that you 'don't work'? Or do you find you have a really good arrangement?

Answer 1

when my kids were young I was the one who did most stuff for them, tes it is expected, only because most men are useless with stuff like this, there are exceptions! My hubby would never dare to suggest I don't work, he works long and hard at work and has always helped around the house, he will do anything I ask. I always make a list of things to do as he is like most guys and doesn't 'see' or it doesn't come naturally! with a list he can look and choose which jobs he fancies, he always finishes all on the list and feels bad and will apologise if he hasn't had time to finish that day! he will do the job as soon as he can. He will do most DIY but puts his foot down with gardening which is fine, I love that job anyway! I never iron he does that for 4 of us, I wash he pegs out, brings in , irons and I put away. I cook he clears away, stacks dishwasher, empties and puts away. he puts shelves etc up I clear mess and sort stuff out. This is not an agreed thing, we just help each other as much as possible, if there is something I know he is dreading then I will try and take that from him and vice versa. The kids have grown and we try and sort out who is best to pick/ drop who off, sometimes it seems I do the most of this, then he gets chance to take over for a while. I don't expect anything from him, he doesn't expect anything from me. Our life is good, we never have rows, we talk through difficulties. We both know how far we can push the other, one look says it all! neither is 'boss'. I am happy because we chose each other, the kids came along and we have done our best for them, they will leave soon and guess what? we get each other back! just me and him so I am glad we looked after each other!

Answer 2

i expect a little help in the evenings like to watch the kids while i finish dinner and then he washes and ill dry or other way round,he'll run the babies bath and get his clothes and stuff for me, he does tend to get lazy about it all sometimes but i remind him quickly i cant be expected to do it all,lately he had started coming home and just landing his butt in front of the pc and leaving me to get on with it all and staying in bed on the weekends and i had enough so on the sunday mornin i packed the kids into the car that morning ,so the house was in a mess and empty when he decided to get i ignored his phone calls all day and when i returned home that evening he had the place spotless and was all sorry, he needed a wake up call of what his life would be like of he didnt change so now hes great and really helping out and spending more time with the kids which is the best outcome cause they love it, my suggestion to you would give him a little wake up call, just cause you dont work outside of the home doesnt mean you sit around on your *** all day, they are his responability too.

Answer 3

when my husband works i just ask him to wash up and run the vacuum round (i have a bad back so it take the strain away and i can do other stuff around the house)  we have a 8 year old, a 3 and a half year old (both with special needs) and a 2 year old, we take it in turns at night if the younger 2 needs us (the oldest sleeps through) when we go out again we share the responsibilites of the kids and we both go running round after them etc. when they were babiers and he wasn't at work we'd take it in turns to feed them as well and change their nappies etc.

Answer 4

My husband does a fair bit to help me look after our son. He works during the day and in the evenings he will sometimes bathe our son, he will give him a feed if i am still cooking dinner, he will change nappies, comfort my son and even dress him for bed. I don't make him do all the work in the evenings, but if i am busy washing up, cooking or bathing then i will expect him to look after our son.

He does sometimes mention that as i do not work so i should do all the childcare and housework, however i tell him that it is not easy to look after a baby all day, and if he thinks it is i will gladly go away for 24 hours and let him look after our son by himself.

As far as i see it i didn't make the baby by myself, so why should i be expected to have no help with the childcare?

A lot of men think it is an easy job to look after kiddies, but i would ask any of those men to look after a 12 week old baby for a day and do all the housework, and then see if they still think it's an easy job.

Answer 5

He tends to assume I'll take care of our daughter, and after work I do, except when its bath time (good bonding to play!) dinner time or playtime.  On weekends, I send them grocery shopping or to the early years center near us.  He does some house work, like garbages, taking the dog out, cooking dinner.  Stay at home mom's have a 24 hour job, so he has to help out.

Answer 6

My Husband and I are a team.

I do the majority of the child raising, because it's my job. I spend the majority of my time with our kids, so therefore I do the majority of the raising, cleaning, cooking, etc.

If my Husband told me I didn't work, I may be tempted to hit him over the head with a frying pan, which I am cooking his dinner with.

We have a very good relationship when it comes to raising our family, and for the most parts it is great team work. But like a lot of teams sometimes, one of us needs a gentle nudge to pull their weight.

I don't really have anything to moan about though

Answer 7

I am SAH at the moment as I am on Maternity leave.  My partner tidies up the kitchen every night (loads dishwasher, wipes down counters etc).  We do one big food shop a week together as I find it hard to deal with all the bags plus a baby on my own.  Also, he gets up with our daughter on the weekends and gives her breakfast so I can have a little lie-in.  On saturdays he takes her out for a few hours in the morning to give me some time to myself.  I usually have a bath and paint my toenails, lol!   He is very helpful.  The only problem is that when we go anywhere in the evening (with the baby or not!), e.g to family for dinner or out to a BBQ, he always, always just assumes that I will be driving.  I don't like to have any alcohol at all when I am driving so this means that I never really get to have even one glass of wine when we are out.  Not that it's a big deal but it would be nice occasionally!  He also has a habit of promising lifts to all his friends without letting me know so when it is time to go home I have a car full of people and 3 or 4 different stops to make before I get home!  Grrrr!

Answer 8

My husband is currently workign a full time job, a part time job, attendign college online, manages choir practice with chirch most weeks, and church on Sundays. With both a toddler and a baby in our home this puts a lot of extra stress on me as well(although not nearly as much as him). I also have Fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I do what I can and he does whatever he can that I miss. Some days this means that the dishes don;t get washed and the laundry, although washed, is never put away BUT we make do and we try our best to get along about it. I have to remind him to do a lot of the things that I just can't but they DO get done(even if it si the third of fourth time I've reminded him). We keep Wednesday nights as family night-church supper and then home time. With my husband it isn' that he expects it, but that he doesn't realize it when it happens that he's not helping with the children if we manage time to go out somewhere.

He has had to take care of EVERYthing before while I was on bedrest with our 2 year old so he knows it IS real work around the house :) He is home for an hour and a half between his two jobs. He uses this as his bonding time with the children and gives me a much needed break.

Answer 9

I'm also on maternity leave with a small baby and a toddler. Once hub comes home from work we'll split chores 50/50.  I do laundry, hoovering, shopping etc during the day, but he recognises that it's important that time is spend playing with the kids and that I need to get a nap during the day if I can - I also do all the baby feeds as I'm breastfeeding. At night one person will do the baths while one cooks the dinner.  He'll tend to put the toddler to bed and read her a story while I tidy round and settle the baby.  My husband is a very hands on dad and loves spending time with his kids.  I think he feels work gets in the way sometimes! He'll often take one or both out to give me a little space and they love spending time with him.

Answer 10

We my partner does all DIY work in the house and he is responsible for the garden, cleaning the car etc.

I tend to do the washing but mainly because I do that when he is a t work.

He helps me do the big shop once a week when i get things like bags of potatoes and washing powder. But I do all the other shopping we need in the week (like milk, bread etc).

He will sometimes do the washing up but not everyday. Usually have to ask!

I think we have quite a good set up really.

When it is the weekend he always plays with and looks after our daughter for a while. I catch up with things I have not managed in the week then, like more sweeping and mopping.

When we are out, we both look after our daughter. He is very good with her.

Answer 11

My partner is fantastic! He helps around the house when asked (no man sees that things need doing, they need it pointed out) without huffing about it. He mows the lawns with no prompting every week. The only thing I get annoyed with is his leaving dirty clothes on his side of the bed, but if he doesn't take them to the laundry they don't get washed! I won't pick up after him!

When ever we go out we're both watching our daughter. I'm not expected to watch her, we both just do it. Seem to know when the other isn't watching.

I have it very lucky, he's amazing.

Answer 12

My husband always does the dishes, because I hate it.  Sometimes he'll do the washing or hoovering.  But I quite like doing the house work.

On weekends and after work he will look after our daughter because he misses her  during the day.  

He never says I don't work because he knows I work hard through the day.

Answer 13

I expect him to pick up after himself and spend as much time with our son as possible. He usually gives my son a bath 3 or 4 days a week, unless he works extra shifts.

I do find a "It's your job" attitude and my hus says, "Well, you don't have to WORK." Like I sit around all day and do nothing. I didn't want to quit work, but I'm in nursing school (40 hours a week) and my Hus didn't want to work around my schedule anymore because he said he didn't get to do anything when I was working. I didn't really want to quit. I hate asking for money. I feel he knows (at this point) how much I need each week and should go ahead and give it to me. I'm 39 years old and I have had a job since I was 17, so not having my own cash is hard for me.

I feel my Hus does well with the childcare and not good at all with picking up after himself. That is odd because when we were dating he was very neat, even when I stopped by and he wasn't expecting me.

Answer 14

Well in my house we currently both work. We switch off all the time. I have never had trouble with him. From time to time I will ask him to do something as he woudl assume I was doing it but normally we do fine. We don't have our kids in daycare, I work graveyard and he works day shift so I have to sleep some when he is home so he steps up. Does dinner a few nights a week and bath time, reading and bed time most nights.

Answer 15

I have h**l with mine. I have to nag him to scrape his plates and wipe crumbs from the counter top. He does the bins and the outside stuff....but I also work from home and he wont take that seriously despite the fact that ALL my money comes from that...I buy all the childrens clothes and toys and pay for all extras like Birthday parties and things. He thinks that because I am at home I am not as tired as him....even though I have two children...one is only 4 months old and I never even took any maternity leave but was back in my office one week after having a c section. Phew...sorry...I went on a rant there didn't I? Lol.

Answer 16

I just expect him to pick up after himself so I do not have to (dishes, clothing, etc)...and occasionally watch the kids so I can do something with my friends. He is pretty good with the kids although he doesn't wipe behinds or change diapers near as often as I do.

It does bother me when he claims that I do not work. I have a 2 year old who goes to speech therapy 2x a week plus 2 older kids, I do all the grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, dishes, bill paying, ordering meds, appointment making/taking. And he always assumes that his plans are more important than mine.  I have had a home business for 7+ years and he still thinks it is a hobby even though I make lots of money over the holidays and I am not selfish with it at all.

Answer 17

When i was married my husband didn't do nothing around the home.  I even had to take the baby with me in the bathroom for shower time and in the kitchen to wash dishes because he said he was to tired from actually working all day to be taking care of a baby.  So I would take the baby everywhere.  He would come home and then go out with his friends once a week but when i asked for a night out with friends he said fine but to take our son with us.  So that is what i did.  So while i did expect some help i got none.