SHOULD I ASK MY GESTS TO PAY for their drink? ?

Question

I want to celebrate my daughter's Baptism

in a nice pub having a delicious sunday lunch with family and a couple of friends (12 people+ 4 children). My husband and I are very short of money at the moment, my budget is tight and I reckon I will be able to pay for everyone's meals but wont have nothing left for drinks. I can't invite people to come round to our place either as I live in a tiny studio flat, very untidy just now as we are packing to move home .

What should I do:

1 - don't celebrate

2- let people know that we are going to pay for their meal but they gonna have to provide drinks for themselves

3- split the bill after the meal

4- any other idea please.......?!

I am feeling so down, I cant throw a party... usually in my country the parents pay for everything ... How is it in the UK? Tell me what you think I should do??

Answer 1

Yeah, considering it is a baptism, I think it would be a little weird to have alcoholic beverages anyway.

Just tell them to enjoy themselves and the meal is on you but you are not going to cover any adult beverages at this occasion.

Answer 2

My policy when I take folks out to eat is that I am buying the meal. At no time do I purchase alcoholic beverages for anyone.

(Choice #2)

Answer 3

In the USA, people put in the invitations to the guests the details of the celebration.

Then, at the center toward the bottom, we state that a "No Host Bar will be provided".

This means that the bar is not hosted, and lets the guests know that alcoholic beverages will be made available if they would like to purchase them.

It is perfectly acceptable etiquette and the pub will handle charging the guests as they choose to make beverage purchases on the spot.

It is polite and appropriate. As a matter of fact, it is even better if you consider that some people would like not to be tempted to drink if they are abstinent from alcohol.

It also relieves you of any liability if an alcohol - related disturbance occurs while guests may be under the influence or driving. Because they made their own choice and you do not provide the alcohol. It's a win-win situation!

Answer 4

yep number 2,tell them upfront youll pay for dinner,but they buy there own drinks,i dont think people will expect you to foot the bar tab anyway.

Answer 5

Go with No. 2.

Nobody will expect you to pay for the drinks as well as the meal.

If you do find yourselves with extra cash you could always buy a couple of bottles of wine for the table but don't feel you have too.

Answer 6

It may be fair to simply say you can afford the meal, but not the alcohol. True friends and family will understand. After all a lot of people are skint these days.

Nice that you are willing to pay for the food.

An alternative, explain and ask if people will join for a potluck of some sort at someone's [maybe your] home). That's how we do things sometimes. It costs so much to do things at a pub or other place these days.  

Answer 7

Number 2. Make it clear you can't afford drinks. Also make it clear during the meal that no drinks should be added to the bill. This is what I've had to do with my friends at birthdays because some people drink way too much! If you want to, you can pay for a bottle of wine or two and a pitcher of lemonade so that you're paying for the first drink only, which is quite a common thing to do. But it's not necessary. Your friends are your friends for a reason, and they'll understand. You're not being tight- So don't worry.

Answer 8

Definitely be up-front with your guests and choose option 2. If these people are really friends they will know your financial situation and be happy to contribute.

My sister threw a 60th birthday party and paid for all the food (which cost a small fortune) but her invitation made it clear that guests would have to pay for their own drinks.

One thing that might ease your mind would be to say that you don't expect any presents for the Baptism. Genuine friends will bring presents anyway.

Have a lovely day!

Answer 9

Number 2,if your paying for the meal that's good enough,most people expect to pay their own bar bill anyway.

Answer 10

4) Get them some standard meals (not anything they like) that are relatively cheap and some cheap drinks. To me, it seems worse to make your guests pay than ordering anything cheap for them. I don't know if you agree

Answer 11

If you can then pay for the meal but you don't need to pay for drinks as well.  I had my son's Christening in a pub after the church and everyone bought their own drinks automatically, people don't expect you to pay for them over here.

Answer 12

3. In the UK people dont expect you to pay for thier meals, unlike in european countrys the parents pay for it all, i found that when i moved to  UK from europe as well, when it was time to celebrate a confirmation.

Answer 13

No. 2 - that is more than acceptable

Answer 14

No.2 would be very appropriate...

And l am sure your invited guests would be very happy with this arrangement..l know l would.

Answer 15

In ireland, parents pay for the buffet or meal but drinks are paid for by the guests unless the baby's parents are loaded, so dont worry about it. The baby's Dad or Grandparents could buy a bottle of champagne so everyone could get a little bit in a glass if that would make you feel you gave everyone somethingbut otherwise dont worry about it, just pay for the food & have a lovely day. People pay for their own drinks at weddings, funerals etc here too it's normal practice.

Answer 16

I live in London. I really don't think it's unacceptable for the guests to pay for drinks!! And you are perhaps generous to pay for all the meals. I would not go assuming to be paid for. If they did, that's nice, but I would always carry money in case and would not be surprised at being asked to pay for food AND drinks. Unless it was a buffet where the food would be cheaper to provide for everyone and I would be surprised to be asked to contribute for that arrangement.

Remember the cost of living here is high and we are a very individualistic society. We are not as tight as other countries family/friend- wise.

If you had a wedding reception, then it's more customary to have a free bar. But I would not worry at the Baptism! It is not expected for people to get wasted at this type of occasion in front of you, though it is at a wedding reception, which is a large, lavish affair where the drinks are often provided.

This should be an enjoyable, civilized occasion, because you have a new baby who will be present. At a wedding everyone gets hammered.

In contrast to what others have said, I would not acknowledge you cannot afford to pay. Firstly, it's not assumed, and secondly this would RUIN the atmosphere. Everyone will feel guilty and start feeling panicky. They would probably feel the need to leave early to be polite to try and conserve money for you! This is the worst thing you can do. Just do not acknowledge anything is out of the ordinary because it isn't.

Therefore, I would go with a 3 first choice, if you can afford it go with 2.

Edit: I just realised it's only 16 people, definitely just split the bill if it's only this many. Just like any other meal. Maybe offer to pay for the kids though, and split the rest?

Answer 17

Try to find a place where they don't serve expansive drinks. ie liquor

Perhaps, a Chinese restaurant or Indian restaurant., Hope this helps

Answer 18

2   when you well come each guest tell them where to put there coats and stuff, where the loo`s are and the fact the the meal and the first drink is on you then after that what they drink is down to them.

Sound like not to many people going just close friends so get that out the way when they get to the pub then have a good meal with Nice company

Answer 19

I suggest you go with number 3. I am not from the UK, but in the US, it is acceptable for someone to split the bill. Just let everyone know before-hand, because it'd be rude if you sprung that on them last minute.

Answer 20

I would go for option 2. If you are open and honest with your guests, they will be fine with this arrangement.  

Answer 21

just tell them if they r true friends they will understand x

Answer 22

I have been for weddings where I had got the first drink free but I then I had to pay for all my other drinks. They do this by putting a amount of money on the bar which the bartenders deduct the cost of each drink till it runs out and then everyone pays for their own drink. Or you could arrange with the pub owner to have a bottle of wine, coke etc on each table and if anybody wants anything else/more they pay out of their own pocket.

Answer 23

i think option 2 is very reasonable  

Answer 24

i think it's fine for you to charge for the drinks, I'm sure they'll understand.

Another alternative is to get 3 or 4 really close friends and relatives to get a bottle of wine (or a litre carton juice for the kids) each. These things are really natural in the UK for people to bring in a nice gesture for a party or celebration