SHe hurt me a lot, it'll never be the same?!

Question

I am 22 have been in a 4 year relationship with this so called "woman of my dreams" shes 25, we have a three year old son together and lived together and shared our dreams and hopes together. Back in april, she acted ambivelent and nasty and eventually led a breakup in the end of april. She told she wanted freedom and explore New York City. I was devastated, upset, confused and everything else. She moved out pretty quickly and was just cruel and heartless. After friends have told me that by the speed of her move, you might wanna consider a third party. two weeks later, i went through her t-mobile plan, and i found out she was talking to a japanese guy since March, this guy she has met since Feb. I was upset, i was shocked and could'nt believe it. There were period of time when i was comparing myself to him and why she choose him and i guess she thinks he's more ïnteresting" That's unfair, i am younger and i wanted a stable life for all of us, i could've travel the world and played guitar and dance if i wanted to, but we had a kid. I went through so much pain and it is so unbearable. She showed up with him a couple of weeks ago to pick up my son. How can someone do this and hurt people like this? I've been in my house taking care of my son almost the entire summer. Cried and thought A LOT about what happened. It's as if our relationship never existed for her. My son and me don't deserve this, this is not the way my family should've went. I don't think i'll ever forget this. Now i am just trying to live everyday knowing this, how things have changed. It'll never be the same again :(. Can someone just help with a few words on moving on and advices on how to live life and hope again?

Answer 1

WOW!!!!!!!  sounds like your in a lot of pain and feel horible.

But you need to get over it because this is just going eat you up.  dont worry theres other fish in the sea ( sorry i'm not triing 2 de mean) what i'm saing is to eplore the world and you will find a woman that is your type and loves you.

i really hope this helps  

Answer 2

aww i'm soo sorry.

when the going gets tough, don't give up. always have hope. things will get better.  

Answer 3

firts of all, no offense. she sounds like a BI@#$. here is an advice she move on, you do the same. i am going throught the same thing. trust me. my gf is pregnant with my kid she left me she doesn't want to be with me at all. the worst thing is she is with someone else now. what i do is simple just go out look for someone friends to hang out with even girls. that is what i am doing right now. i promise i know how you feel. trust me someone times i think about the good times we used to have and also think about the stuff that they are going to be doing. so it hurts me so bad. but i just think about other stuff. go out and have fun.

hey if you need help add me as a friend or add me. trust me i maybe i can give you more advice. [e-mail].

Answer 4

Wow.. I'm really sorry.  You've been hurt really bad and yes, there is life after this kind of pain.  I'm living proof of that - I was hurt in a very similar way with my husband leaving me for another woman (though, like in your situation, he didn't own up to it right away), but trust me on this - As far as being with her is concerned, she's done you a favor.  I found the man of my dreams as a result of my first husband leaving me and I've been happily married for 11 years now.  There is someone out there for you that will love you for who you are, who will respect you, and who you can trust.

That said, your situation is a bit more difficult though.  You have a son and that's a whole different ball of wax.  If I'm getting this straight, this woman abandoned you and her son to be with this other guy for a few months and now she just shows up to take him back?  Jeez, this is "Kramer vs. Kramer" minus the marriage!  (Old movie reference)

If you weren't married, do you at least have parental rights?  Are you giving up custody? Are you sharing custody? Think VERY HARD about these decisions and get it in writing - legally!  

It's time to move past your relationship, it's over and though I know it's hard, time WILL heal the pain, but your son is the issue here now.  You and this woman chose to bring this child into the world and now you both have to step up to the plate to make things right, no matter what it takes.  This child is hurting too.  He's confused and doesn't understand what's going on with mommy and daddy.  Don't make him a pawn here - just make his life as normal as possible.  

I wish you luck, I know you think you've lost your "youth" - trust me, your youth is still intact, 22 is still quite young... But as soon as you had that child, your decisions about traveling the world or her dreams of traveling to New York have to take into consideration that boy!  

Again - sorry for the situation, only those of us who have felt it really know just how hard it is...

Why can people inflict such pain on each other?  We're humans... yin and yang... we're capable of giving such love and (some) are capable of inflicting such pain, but we're capable of bearing more pain than we realize as well.  It's all so hard to understand, but the key is finding someone with whom you can strike a balance.  

The pain isn't easy, but being a parent means that your pain has to take a back seat...

Good luck to you....

Answer 5

I know you are hurting right now. That is your right. You need to take a step back and think about what you want for your future. She has done something that will affect you the rest of your life... true, but you have to find a healthy way to move on, if not for you, for your son. Know that things can and will get better. First, stop thinking about the guy. No matter how much you beat yourself up and compare what you have to offer to what he has, it does not matter. You know how good a person you can be in a relationship. She did not deserve it apparantly, so it is ok to find someone who does. I am not saying to go and jump into a relationship so soon. I am saying you will find someone deserving of you love and trust. Take some time to heal your wounds so you don't take the anger and baggage into your next relationship. Go on with your life and take care of you and your son and make yourself happy. You don't have to have someone to make you happy, you can do that on your own. A happy son needs a happy dad. Be that for now, and then when you are ready, you can be a happy boyfriend and one day a happy husband.