Question:

SPELL GRAMMAR CHECK AND rEVISE AND WIN TEN POINTS?

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Jabbar : This is absolutely to easy speed it up, Its no challenge at all!

(Jabbar Waits to the last second to redirect the rock when it is one inch from his body)

Khaliq: Jabbar that is not wise at all you might get hit.

Jabbar: So what what if it does it cant hurt me.

(in the mist of his words he gets striked by a boulder and comes crashing down)

Jabbar : Arrgghhh it dosent hurt me. Nothing can impair me .

Master Akeno : Very well then ill wait to tomorrow to levitate it off Mind Conductors led me to the throne room I need to speak with King .

Jabbar : Master Akeno when am I going to be sent to war and slay the

wicked

heathens of the Soulktom and bodyktom. I then can reunite with my

father and

we can defeat our enemies together father and son and show the world we

are

superior.

Master Akeno : In due time young master in due time!

Jabbar : That's what you say every time, why don't you let me fight!

Master Akeno : Young one r go to the temple and get some rest, you

must

sleep. You have many challenges ahead of you.

Jabbar : Yes a warrior of my pedigree

needs

his sleep. Goodnight blessed Master

(Jabbar sashays into the temple and slowly enters his room. The young

warrior lays on his cot and looks at pictures of his father, the God

Aleem.

The God Aleem is one of the greatest levitators the world has ever

known.

The God Aleem went to war when Jabbar was only six, he is now 15. The

God

Aleem has been at war for 8 years against the people of the Soulktom.

Jabbar

greatly misses his father but knows one day he will return from war and

the

people of body and soul will humbly prostrate down in respect to the

great

people of the mindktom.)

Master Akeno : Jabbar, Jabbar wake up, you must train

Jabbar : I am so sleppy

Master Akeno : You think the people of soul and body are sleeping

Jabbar ; I dunno, master maybe, it's so early. Even warriors must sleep

master.

Master Akeno : That's exactly why you must train, the more you train

the

better you will get.

Jabbar : Yeah yeah yeah blah blah blah

Master Akeno ; Get up now I am entering you in a duel. You can either

train

or sleep

Jabbar : What time is the duel, wise master

Master Akeno ; In 5 more

hours

Jabbar : Good, I'll sleep another 4 hours and 55 minutes. I can walk to

the

duel in 5 minutes and

take another 30 seconds to win the duel and be

victorious.

Master Akeno : You are one lazy warrior

Jabbar enters the fighting chambers.

Jabbar : You would think they could give a warrior of my pedigree a

challenge, my competitor looks frail.

Master Akeno : You both are match evenly. The source of levitation is

using

20 percent of your mind or more its all mental not physical. If you

ever

see a person of the bodyktom who is frail you will have the advantage

but

not a person of the mindktom my young warrior.

(The people of the mindktom when they turned 10, entered the Center

Mindktom

temple. There a god that appeared to my forefather Lord Shapkana lived

there. In the temple, Lord Shapkana would place his hand on the top of

all

the young warriors head and measured

the amount of brain power they

were

using. The average soul and body people used between 3 to ten percent

of

their brain. But those born in the Mindktom by default used 20 percent

.

When Lord Shapkana placed his honorable hand on young Jabbar he found

out he

was a 90bm which means he used 90 percent of his brain matter. This was

a

test of a warrior, the mindktom using 20-50 percent of the mind would

not go

to war. Any warrior using 51 to 90 would go to war to fight the

warriors of

bodyktom and Soulktom. The people using 91 to one hundred would be

given the

master title and protect their nation from offenders. And be the

advisers to

the young warriors marching to war.)

Jabbar : Yes Master I Understand

( Jabbar Enters To the Duel )

Referee : FIGHT

( Jabbar Levitates his opponent in to the air and trusted him to the

ground

his opponent regains his composer and levitates Jabbar to the air

and

then

levitates himself to the him to the air. Jabbar levitates himself

closer to

his opponent and punches

him. Then Jabbar levitated a boulder into the

air

and struck his opponent with it in his chest. Just before his opponent

was

about to fall on the ground and brake his bones, master Akeno slowly

levitates him down so he wouldn't be injured)

Master Akeno : Come with me Jabbar back to the temple we must train

Jabbar : I train a lot can I have some enjoyment for a change.

Master Akeno : It’s not how much you train its how well you train

Jabbar : What you trying to call me weak

Master Akeno : No, but your have much practice to complete before you

step

foot in war

Jabbar : Yes watever

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2 ANSWERS


  1. Jabbar: This is absolutely to easy speed it up, Its no challenge at all!

    (Jabbar Waits to the last second to redirect the rock when it is one inch from his body)

    Khaliq: Jabbar that is not wise at all you might get hit.

    Jabbar: So what if it does it can’t hurt me.

    (In the mist of his words he gets striked by a boulder and comes crashing down)

    Jabbar: Arrgghhh it doesn’t hurt me. Nothing can impair me.

    Master Akeno: Very well then ill wait to tomorrow to levitate it off Mind Conductors led me to the throne room I need to speak with King.

    Jabbar: Master Akeno when am I going to be sent to war and slay the wicked heathens of the Soulktom and Bodyktom. I then can reunite with my father and we can defeat our enemies together father and son and show the world we are superior.

    Master Akeno: In due time young master in due time!

    Jabbar: That's what you say every time, why don't you let me fight!

    Master Akeno: Young one r go to the temple and get some rest, you

    must sleep. You have many challenges ahead of you.

    Jabbar: Yes a warrior of my pedigree needs his sleep. Goodnight, blessed Master.

    (Jabbar sashays into the temple and slowly enters his room. The young warrior lies on his cot and looks at pictures of his father, the God Aleem.  The God Aleem is one of the greatest levitators the world has ever known.  The God Aleem went to war when Jabbar was only six, he is now 15. The God Aleem was at war for 8 years against the people of the Soulktom. Jabbar greatly misses his father but knows one day he will return from war and the people of body and soul will humbly prostrate down in respect to the great people of the Mindktom.)

    Master Akeno: Jabbar, Jabbar wake up, you must train.

    Jabbar: I am so sleepy.

    Master Akeno: You think the people of soul and body are sleeping

    Jabbar: I don’t know, master maybe, it's so early. Even warriors must sleep master.

    Master Akeno: That's exactly why you must train, the more you train

    the

    better you will get.

    Jabbar: Yeah, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah.

    Master Akeno: Get up now I am entering you in a duel. You can either train or sleep

    Jabbar: What time is the duel, wise master?

    Master Akeno: In 5 more hours.

    Jabbar: Good, I'll sleep another 4 hours and 55 minutes. I can walk to the duel in 5 minutes and

    take another 30 seconds to win the duel and be victorious.

    Master Akeno: You are one lazy warrior.

    (Jabbar enters the fighting chambers.)

    Jabbar: You would think they could give a warrior of my pedigree a challenge, my competitor looks frail.

    Master Akeno: You both are match evenly. The source of levitation is using 20 percent of your mind or more it’s all mental not physical. If you ever see a person of the Bodyktom who is frail you will have the advantage but not a person of the Mindktom my young warrior.

    (The people of the Mindktom when they turned 10, entered the Center Mindktom temple. There was a god that appeared to my forefather Lord Shapkana lived there. In the temple, Lord Shapkana would place his hand on the top of all the young warriors head and measured the amount of brain power they were using. The average soul and body people used was between 3 to ten percent of their brain. But those born in the Mindktom by default used 20 percent. When Lord Shapkana placed his honorable hand on young Jabbar he found out he was a 90bm which means he used 90 percent of his brain matter. This was a test of a warrior, the Mindktom using 20-50 percent of the mind would not go

    to war. Any warrior using 51 to 90 would go to war to fight the warriors of Bodyktom and Soulktom. The people using 91 to one hundred would be given the master title and protect their nation from offenders. And be the advisers to the young warriors marching to war.)

    Jabbar: Yes Master I understand.

    (Jabbar Enters To the Duel)

    Referee : FIGHT

    ( Jabbar Levitates his opponent in to the air and trusted him to the ground his opponent regains his composer and levitates Jabbar to the air and then  levitates himself to the him to the air. Jabbar levitates himself closer to his opponent and punches him. Then Jabbar levitated a boulder into the air

    and struck his opponent with it in his chest. Just before his opponent was  about to fall on the ground and brake his bones, Master Akeno slowly levitates him down so he wouldn't be injured)

    Master Akeno : Come with me Jabbar back to the temple we must train.

    Jabbar: I train a lot can I have some enjoyment for a change.

    Master Akeno: It’s not how much you train its how well you train.

    Jabbar: What? Are you trying to call me weak?

    Master Akeno: No, but your have much practice to complete before you step foot in war

    Jabbar: Yes whatever.


  2. I agree...the first poster's corrections are incorrect.  It kind of amazes me that they went to the trouble of that, though...gotta give them kudos for that.

    You've got a ton of mistakes in there; you really need to go back through for comma usage and punctuation.  Every sentence needs to have some sort of punctuation.  You've obviously put some time into writing this, please go back through and edit it.  That is an important part of the writing process - if you ever want to get published, you need to learn to do it.

    (Editors don't go through to correct something like this - they go through to find little details that may have gotten missed in the editing process.)

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