SS told me I'M PARANOID....?

Question

I posted this question a few days ago:

What would you do if this happened to you....?

Ok, my husband has not been the kindest person to me and one of our repeat issues is that he says one thing and does another. In other words, he never keeps his word to me.

So, this morning my cell phone rings. It's him calling... I say hello and he doesn't say anything back to me, but all I hear is him talking... ABOUT ME... "I told her tonight.... but it isn't going to happen" and "She wants this dog I told her she can have, but I'm not going to let her have him"... things like that. Then after 20 minutes of this blah-blah-blah he noticed HIS PHONE WAS CONNECTED WITH MINE. He says "Oh S---" and hangs up.

Now, normally he calls me in the morning to say good morning, make sure we are all up and moving, but NO DAILY CALL TODAY. So I did my business as usual, waited for him to call and when he didn't call I decided to CALL HIM. In the midst of our conversation I mentioned in response to something he said "Yeah, I heard you talking about that this morning with your co-worker". He became VERY quiet, asked in a round about way what else I heard, but I didn't tell him.

So... what would YOU do with this??? Let him hang and wonder? Use it to MY advantage? Oh... what to do, what to do!

And the last answer from SS says "Im paranoid".

Now my understanding of paranoid... from a DICTIONARY is: Exhibiting or characterized by extreme and irrational fear or distrust of others: a paranoid suspicion that the phone might be bugged.

So, I emailed "SS" to ask why she thinks I am "paranoid". and these are her answers:

Message: oh.. and yes... so what if your husband only told you certain things to make you happy? at least he is trying to keep you happy and that's what that matters.. it's not abou the dog or about the two of you going out... you guys probably need to sit down and talk... but before that, don't strangle him with too many demands.. Hope that clears up my "You're plain paranoid."

Message: Hi... Yes I said you're paranoid about this whole situation because your husband probably was just having a conversation with his fren and so he let out his feelings.. it's not his fault that you hear his conversation since the call was connected... how can you expect him to make you his 'daily calls' when such a thing happened? Give him some space...

What would you have done if you we're me with the first question... and how do you feel about the answers "SS" sent to me when I asked her why I'm paranoid... I'm not hearing things... it is a fact what I heard... explain.

Answer 1

Woah.. if that all happened exactly like that that's really messed up. "She wants this dog I told her she can have, but I'm not going to let her have him" WTF, that's messed up.. what's the point of telling you he was going to get it then.

No I don't think you're paranoid, that's pretty messed up - especially if things like that happen on a regular basis. I would agree that you should sit down and talk to him about it, maybe he is just not a very good person, but I can't say for sure not knowing the guy of course.  Good luck..

Answer 2

I suggest that you forget about what you've heard him say.  And try to improve your relationship with him so that both of you are happy with each other.

Go for marriage counselling, if necessary.

If you try to make something out of what you've heard.  Then this will probably damage your relationship.  And both of you will end up even more unhappy with each other than before.

Answer 3

Can't believe I just read all that lol.

You're not being paranoid. Its fine to care about what your husband thinks about you and your relationship.

Sit down with him, and talk to him about what you heard. The goal here is to get him to be honest with you. Nothing he should say behind your back should surprise you if you 2 are being completely honest with eachother.

That being said.... It's very difficult to get someone to change their nature. He has to want to change.

Answer 4

Well, I do believe we are all paranoid to one extent or another. I would think if you had made this up in your mind then you might worry. But, reality is.. The call was made, you overheard him talking about you.. to his co workers, and when he realized that you were there the phone, he hung up..  Failed to make his morning call, which of course would mean he was fearful in facing you.  His asking you what else you heard put him on the defensive.  Yes, you do have a card to play. But, I do believe there are a few more issues here that are more important.  First of all a marriage is a unit,  I do not feel a husband has the right,

#1. To tell you if you can have a dog or not, that is a family agreement.

#2. To open discuss his wife and boast of his control over his wife.

#3. Fail to apologize when he is caught dead to right...

This is by no shot paranoid.. the husband right now is paranoid, he knows in his mind that he has been acting like a dog, and truly should be told he is acting like a dog.  No, do not hold this card to use later, think very seriously what you would like to say to him. Do not confront him. But, if the topic comes up, look him in the eye and possible say, yes.. I heard the entire conversation, and I am so ashamed of you as my husband for being that hateful and cruel.  I also intend to get the dog that I want, and I do not anticipate,  that you will want anything to say about it.  End the conversation, and go about your normal routine. Do not argue, do not fight with him. Treat him with distance, and silence.