Saragent birth or adoption?

Question

My husband and I had a discussion that if I could not conceive would I rather have a close friend conceive for us or adopt. I said adopt, he said have a saragent birth that way it has both of our DNA. He thought it would be selfish of me not to. I just felt that it would be harder for me knowing some other women is bonding and delivering my son or daughter rather than adopting someone elses all together. What do you think?

Answer 1

You have to decide that as a couple, no one can decide it for you. A lot of couples choose surrogacy if they can’t conceive naturally.  Then again many couples choose adoption when they can’t conceive naturally.  Whatever you do neither choice is selfish and will actually take a lot of thought before you decide. Your friend will bond with this baby regardless if it’s her biological, the baby will bond with her.  You may check  surrogacy laws as they vary from state to state, sometimes the surrogate can get rights even if she isn’t the biological mother.  Many courts considered the birthmother to be a babys legal mother.

Are you unable to conceive? Your question it seems your just saying that IF you were unable to conceive naturally. Indicating that this might not even be issue and you all are just thinking what ifs. I have actual thought of this before too and I already know that if I can’t conceive naturally I will just adopt, which I plan to do anyways. Whenever I get married my possible spouse (prior to marriage) will know that, if he has a problem with it then we weren’t meant to be.

One of the biggest similarities between adoption and surrogacy : people who claim a baby suffers a detachment/ broken bond, being taken from its birthmother Well the same should be the case for a surrogacy baby, it’s the surrogate mother even if she isn’t the baby’s biological mother. That the baby is bonding to for 9months, it’s her heart beat the baby feels, her voice the baby hears constantly. When the baby is born and taken away from her, just like an adoption. Only difference is the people getting the baby are the biological parents.

Answer 2

adoption of a foster child

Answer 3

You are TOTALLY right. You may not be religious but saragent birthing is highly immoral. It messes with way too many natural laws to be a good thing.

Adoption is much better if you cannot conceive as God designed it. You will be much happier for it!

Answer 4

I think it is a personal choice and what may work for one, might not work for another. I think it would be better that you did not know the woman if you decided to go the surrogate route. You have to pray about and explore all your options. After years of infertility, we looked into donor eggs and even choose a donor. But when it came time to sign the contracts, I just told my husband, I couldn't do it. And 12 months later, I adopted a wonderful baby boy. You have my prayers

Answer 5

I agree with your husband.  If the agreement is made and if it is actually your egg and your husband's sperm you will know it is YOUR child and so will the surrogate; there will be no question.  Adoption is wonderful too but can be very difficult to accomplish because of legalized abortion,  unless you want an older child, a drug affected child etc.  You really don't know what you are getting into as far as inherited traits that can be negative as well as positive.  I would prefer to have my own child.  My vote is for the surrogate, and if she is a friend, she would keep things in perspective.

Answer 6

IF you can not conceive...why not explore other interests?....travel, create incredible art, write a novel...if you are drawn to nurture, then help other families with their little ones.

There are MANY different ways to have love and meaning in your life without raising children.

Find purpose and beauty in your mate, in your self and your life.

Answer 7

If you are considering adoption, then you need to consider the potential baby and YOURS. It kinda seems like you're saying that It's better to have the "other persons" baby suffer the detachment all babies go through during a seperation. I chose to adopt and feel sorrow for the bond that was broken fro them, It hurts no matter who's DNA it is. I never felt such joy and saddness at the sme time.

Answer 8

Adoption is a great, moral, thing to do. instead of bringing another child into the world, you might find that helping a child in need is better suited for you.

Answer 9

ur husband is  a b it nut!! sorry to say this and no offense intent, but the same dna??? does he really need this to be parent??? than he won't be a good one ,if he thinks a child is urs just bcos of dna ...c'mon..... being parents is sooooo much more than same flesh and blood......and u would be selfish coz u'd rather adopt one???? c'mon ...don't be ridicoulous...he's the selfish one not u!!! u wanna give a child ur love and that's wonderful!!!

Answer 10

I personally think adoption is wonderful. I have two sisters that were adopted. And there are sooooo many babies out there that need a loving home. But this is a personal decision  that only you and your husband can make.... Good Luck

Answer 11

Well either way someone else is giving birth to the child, there are positives and negatives to both options, depending on where you are surrogacy may not be legal, you may have to legally adopt the child as in some places the birth mother is considered the mother regardless of DNA (the father wouldn't have to adopt) and what if the birth woman decides to keep it or causes alot of hassles as she feels she has a right to watch every move you make with the child and criticise your parenting (if is a friend). I have heard that in USA they have a special service where woman will have children for people for a fee (using there egg and sperm) not sure about the legitimacy of this.

Adoption can be really difficult, less likely to get a young child and has no genetic relationship to you.

It's so tough, i wish you luck

Answer 12

ADOPTTTTIOOONNNNN.

Answer 13

I think that you need to stop thinking about your and your husband's feelings and start considering the feelings of the CHILD!  It's not all about you and until you understand that, you are not ready to be a parent.  Sorry to be so blunt, but your question reeks of self-absorption.

If you cannot conceive, would you consider adopting a child from foster care who needs a loving family?

Answer 14

even though i am 57 i actually think the modern things they can do now is great. i mean if it has your DNA well that would be great. that is what the baby would be like regardless of who carried the baby. Imean its up to you also i am sure but i can't find a reason why not.  but i am very opened and guess what i am also adopted to i guess that is why i have such an opened mind take care.

Answer 15

Both options are personal and very hard to come too.  Your husband may feel he wants to have a biological child that is both of yours and  that is why he suggested surrogancy.  

Even in cases of adoption someone else is carrying and bonding with your child before you adopt it, so it's really no different.

Answer 16

Have you and your husband thought of embryo adoption? I am going to Europe to have it done soon it is only going to cost me 2500. You could do that and be pregnant, and bond with your baby. Here is where I am going for mine www.myivfalternative.com  

If your husband still wants to have a surrogate I have researched this site in Russia

http://www.russiansurrogacy.com/

I also know someone who want to surrogate here in the united states email me if you want. [e-mail] Adoption and surrogatcy are so expencive but embryo adoption is sooooo much cheaper and it is a combination of both. Hope this helps

Answer 17

well i tend to agree with you, i would have a hard time watching someone else carry my child in their womb for 9 months, i'd have a huge jealousy issue, you guys can't consider invitro fertilization? my friend and her husband have this same disagreement, she doesn't want another woman carrying her baby but he wants his baby to have his DNA, her Fallopian tubes won't support an egg being carried through them, so their only other option is invitro.. you might consider it