Say you're floating around in the ocean and a whale jumps on you ...?

Question

Will you die from being squashed, drowning, or not at all?

Answer 1

Holy jumpin' whales, batman. You're more likely to be killed by a psychopathic bonobo beating you about the head with a banana.

Answer 2

The only whale that ever "jumped" on me was a short-finned pilot whale (Globicephala macrorhynchus), and it didn't hurt me a bit, just pushed me under water for a few seconds.  

Whenever my late wife and I spent the night in our Folbot kayak at sea, we usually went for a dip at sunrise because that is the best time of day to interact with many cetaceans, gray whales in particular.  As soon as we entered the water, we knew that pilot whales were nearby because we could hear their almost continuous "wagawagawagawaga" calling, but we couldn't see anything because of thick fog.  

Suddenly, there were thousands of squid around us, most about a foot long, and we realized that we were right in the middle of a bait ball that the pilot whales had been herding to the surface.  Able to see the larger squid clearly against the sky, some of them would come flying up from the depths, grab a squid, and come flying out of the water.  I just happened to be under one when it came down.

I saw it coming and had time to draw a deep breath and brace for the impact.  It didn't hit me anywhere near as hard as I thought it would, it mostly just pushed me down a few feet.  Anne said it had a large limp squid in its mouth when it breached, and she said it saw me about the same time I saw it and it tried to avoid hitting me, unsuccessfully.

Before I could even react, the pilot whale grabbed the back of the lifejacket I was wearing and yanked me to the surface, holding me there like I'd been hung out to dry.  The limp squid it had been carrying was right in front of me so I picked it up and marveled at the way it turned pink before my very eyes, the result of blood seeping from vessels into the body cavity.  

After a few seconds of being held up that way, it occurred to me to let the whale know I was all right.  I reached behind me and stroked the part I could reach and then patted it there and it put me down.  It spy hopped right in front of me with its mouth open, I draped the squid over its lower jaw and it disappeared to rejoin its pod, now a short distance away.

So the answer is that the water is a perfect pillow that absorbs the force of the falling whale so you don't have to, and if you got a good breath, it's no sweat.

Answer 3

probably get some shattered ribs from the pressure from the water and the whale pushing you down under.. then from panic.. you would run out of air, and drown..