Scared daughter.. was i wrong to say it?

Question

My daughter is going to be 6 in Oct, and yesterday I told her not to answer the door for anyone while i took a shower. she was expecting her friend to come by after school, and i told her that even if she sees that it is her, NOT to answer the door, and she could go out after i got out of the shower. she persisted to want to answer the door , so i told her that regardless if its her friend, someone could come up to the door and take her, and i wouldn't know because i am in the shower. well last night she woke up with a nightmare, that she didn't want to talk about at first, but was hysterical, and when i finally got it out of her, she said that in her dream she was taken by someone. I didnt tell her that to scare her, but to only let her know it COULD happen, and that is why i tell her not to do it. is there a better way i could have went around it? or is it something that she needs to truthfully know?

Answer 1

well, it is something she should know. just remind her that it was just a dream. :)

Answer 2

She'll get over it.  It's a scary thought, and there's really no way around it.

While it's always a good idea to teach your kids not to open the door to strangers or answer the phone and inform the person on the other end that they're home alone, I would like to point out that the vast majority of kidnappings are perpetrated by someone the child knows well... not by strangers.

Answer 3

you all may think im silly but i am 31 years old and to this day if someone i dont know comes to the door i go and hide if i am home alone  

Answer 4

ya

Answer 5

i agree with you..ive told my kids just about the same thing.and maybe they should be a cautious,there really are people out there that does those things,i would reassure her shes safe,but its always good to be prepared,talk to her about what she would need to do to help herself out of a situation like that...make a plan..if she knows what to do maybe it wont be to scary to think about it

Answer 6

If you knew the friend was coming over why didn't you wait until the friend arrived and they went out to take your shower?  

Answer 7

no, its good to be scared, my mom did that to us, and even today (I'm 14) i get scared when someone rings the doorbell, and my mom isn't home. Better safe then sorry, right?

Answer 8

It might have been a little over-the-edge, but there's not a lot you can do about it now. Make sure she knows it's okay to talk to strangers so long as you're there with her. Otherwise, she might become very shy around others.

Answer 9

ya know, being informed and protective is different than being fearful.

I think fear begets more fear and that is unhealthy. If she is almost six years old, you do not need to be paranoid with her about not opening the door. You can, however, let her know that you are worried about strangers and that you want to be there to help her out and protect her when/if the need arises.

Specifically for this incident, you should have showered a little later so that you can make sure that when her friend arrives you are there with you daughter. Your daughter should be able to understand your intent and willingness to invest your time to monitor and be present with your daughter when answering doors.

There won't be any long term concerns but it will be better to be more open about things later on as she learns and grows.

I salute you for being a mom. We don't expect you to be perfect but we do want to know that you care.    

Answer 10

To be honest, I'm not a mom yet, but I did help raise my sisters... With that said, I don't think you said the wrong thing. It's good that your daughter has a healthy fear of strangers. Kids have nightmares all the time, but at least you know that she understands the danger of talking to/ opening the door to strangers.

Answer 11

Where you went wrong was in arguing with the child.  She is 6, you are an adult, you shouldn't have to give her a reason for why you are telling her to do something.  What you should have said to her (in a firm authoratative way) was, "While I am in the shower, you are NOT to answer the door, regardless of who it is.  I don't care if it is your friend, I said no.  If you answer the door after I tell you not to, you won't be going outside to play for 3 days."  If she persisted at this point you say, "You heard what I said.  Another word and you'll be staying in today."

Geeze woman, lay down the law.  Teach her who is in charge in your house.  You don't have to give her reasons why you make the rules that you make...and sometimes, like in this case, it is totally inappropriate to tell a child the real reason behind the rules.  Sometimes, you just have to be the bad guy and say NO!